Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

How to Motivate Yourself to Pick Up Girls

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By: Chase Amante

getting motivated to pick up girlsYou want women in your life but you can’t get off the couch. Are you lazy? Or are you just not doing what’s needed to MOTIVATE yourself to pick up girls?

We get guys periodically asking for help solving motivation issues around approaching and picking up women. Not the least of these being Sub-Zero, our long-time commenter who has long struggled with drive issues. Here’s a recent comment by him on the subject:

Actually getting some drive back, but still don’t have the drive to deal with everything that comes with the ups and downs of dating. I’m horny all the time and when I’m sleeping with women I’m always pleasing them, so I know that’s not the issue. I just don’t have the drive to keep going if things aren’t working out and quit. It makes me wonder how other guys can have no kind of success and can keep doing it. How do I get the drive to keep practicing and getting better instead of quitting?

All right then. Let’s talk about motivation.

I’ll see if I can come at it from a different angle than our many other articles on the subject.

First off, a couple of points:

  1. This article is not a “you should be doing this” moral lecture. If you aren’t driven to approach or pick up girls, and you don’t want to be, that is fine. This guide is a tool, not  an order.

  1. This article is also not a mandatory thing you have to follow even if you want to pick up. If you want to pick up girls, but just occasionally, and are happy with how it’s going, stick with it.

This article is for men who want MORE motivation to go out and approach more women but are struggling to find that motivation.

In other words, this is the article for men motivated to find the motivation to go out and pick up girls. Copy that?

Why Feigning Disinterest (Usually) Does Not Work

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By: Chase Amante

don't feign disinterestIf a girl’s not investing as much, you may be tempted to feign disinterest. But all too often this technique is see-through. Here’s what to do instead.

It’s a pretty common strategy for guys who are learning to do better with girls to try to feign disinterest in them.

After all, you figure out pretty quick that there’s a whole power balance that occurs during the courtship dance. Show too much interest, your attainability goes too high, she feels like she’s “got you already”, then her interest in you drops to zero.

So it’d make sense to try to reduce how much interest you’re showing by feigning actual disinterest – you’d think.

But as you’re about to see, feigning disinterest much of the time is not going to work out the way you hope it will.

Instead, all too often, it backfires.

How to Stop Being an Incel (Yes, Seriously)

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By: Chase Amante

how to stop being an incelWhen you’re an incel, it’s like being stuck in a deep, dark hole. If you’re ready to climb out of that hole, here is how to stop being an incel – seriously.

There’s not a lot of help for drowning men.

When men struggle, the world leaves them behind.

It’s different for women. We protect and coddle women. Women are precious. They birth the next generation and raise them.

But men are replaceable. One guy ain’t getting the job done? Switch him out and put another one in his place.

Meantime, the men who don’t make the cut slip down through the cracks. They slide down into blackness and despair, perhaps never to rise again.

That’s where I came from, a long ways back. I was a man trapped in benighted helplessness, chained to my own misery, alone, forgotten by the world. For a decade, I drifted by myself in a black sea of anguish, each day a walking nightmare of pointlessly going through purpose-devoid motions in my out-in-public isolation.

Today, of course, I walk a different path. I have been with innumerable women, many of them beautiful, many of them amazing. I’ve bedded models, had relationships with gorgeous architects, economists, and the daughter of a South American politician, and am used to being chased after by women for whatever I want with them. I have awesome friends and more cool social contacts than I know what to do with. I also happen to run the largest men’s dating advice website in history, GirlsChase.com, which over the past 17 years has been honored with 64 million visitors, and served a humbling 14,000 customers. We’ve had thousands of men tell us how meaningful our advice has been and what an impact it’s made on them – more than a few insisting that we’ll never know how much it’s helped them.

This guide on how to stop being an incel is for those men out there who are, like I was all those years ago, trapped in a celibacy they’d tear their eyeballs out to be out of. It is a guide I suspect only I can write – because after having spent so much time on either side of the coin, I know well both how despairing it is to be the man deep in the hole, and how maddeningly futile it can be to be the one trying to reach down and pull him out of it.

Before we begin, to put off the guys who are suspicious – yes, Girls Chase is a commercial site; no, I do not sell anything in this article. As a matter of fact, if you are an incel, I am going to suggest you do NOT do most of what is on this website (cold approach pickup), and that you do not buy any of our products or anyone else’s. At least not yet. Perhaps in a year or two. I’ll tell you why when we get to that.

First though, let me tell you a bit about me.

There's Not Much Competition to Date the Best, Most Beautiful Girls

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By: Chase Amante

the best girls have few suitorsThe highest mate value women – beautiful, sweet, & amazing – often have few good suitors. The trick? Girls who market themselves & girls of high mate value often overlap but little.

“Women have impossible standards,” the conventional wisdom goes.

“The prettier she is, the pickier she’ll be.”

“The hottest girls are drowning in suitors and simps.”

This all seems to make sense when we think about it. Men want the best girls. The best girls should have lots of choice with men. In fact, they should be slammed with offers from the highest value men, making it such that ordinary men shouldn’t even be able to compete.

Yet every day, you can find beautiful, sweet girls paired up with totally average men. Men who are unexceptional in their looks, intellects, wits, charm, physiques, and bank accounts. Most of the time these men don’t even have ‘game’, the stuff we teach on this website. If you ask them how to get girls like this, they’ll offer you vapid platitudes like “just be yourself” and “sooner or later the right girl comes along.”

These pairings have befuddled hopeful daters since men started dishing on dating on the web. How do these ordinary guys meet these girls? How do they keep them? Why do these girls choose THEM?

The raw – and at first counterintuitive – reality is simply this: there’s just not a whole lot of competition to date the most beautiful, most amazing girls.

Operant Conditioning: Response Size & Big Picture Focus

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By: Chase Amante

operant conditioning response sizesOperant conditioning (or behavior shaping) lets you modify how people act through rewards and punishments. But in ‘mixed case’ scenarios things get tricky…

I first wrote about operant conditioning a dozen years ago in my article on using for behavior shaping inside romantic relationships. If you haven’t read that one, or it’s been a while, read it first, because this article builds upon it.

The quick summary is that through rewards and punishment, you can direct another person’s behavior. Reward her, and you’ll get more of that behavior. Punish her, and you’ll get less of it.

Today’s article focuses on some nuance in operant conditioning. Namely: how the size of your response affects reinforcement/discouragement… plus the importance of focusing on the big picture too rather than exclusively the small one.

Tactics Tuesdays: Prefacing

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By: Chase Amante

prefacing your statementsPrefacing lets you approach women or issues in ways that they’d push back on otherwise… yet, with you, thanks to you prefacing, they accept (& even enjoy!).

Tiny little tactic here that lets you get away with lots.

Generally there are some subjects in conversation you cannot touch. Certain sensitivities, criticisms, or, alternately, certain proposals. Things that if you accuse someone of them or suggest them raise so many hackles it can blow the whole conversation up.

Sometimes, too, you’ll meet hot-tempered people quick to jump to conclusions every time you manage to utter more than a few syllables. These individuals can be particularly hard to talk to, as they personalize nearly everything you say.

Finally, there are things you might say – including many of the openers you deliver to women during cold approach – that might be hard to swallow on their own. They seem incongruent or hard to believe. A woman might think you’re just yanking her chain.

The one tactic you can use to route around each and every one of these problems is prefacing; where you use a short prefacing statement to pace your listener’s understanding before diving into the juicy stuff.

Don't Change Your Approach to Girls Just Because They're Beautiful

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By: Chase Amante

don't treat beautiful girls differentWhen a girl’s beautiful, your instincts will scream to play it safe: go slow! Don’t be risqué! But if you WANT her, you must treat her the SAME as other girls!

Bit of a public service announcement here, but you should not be changing your approach to women simply because they’re beautiful.

Lots of guys do this; in fact, it seems to be hardcoded into men. If you’ve gone through my free 7-day mini course (and if you haven’t, you definitely should – you can take the Girl Q quiz and sign up for the Girls Chase Email Newsletter to begin receiving the mini course here), you’re familiar with the Mating Sociometer.

Sociometer theory states that we adjust our behavior to match our status relative to the status of the person we’re dealing with. The result is men whose hearts beat faster for beautiful girls behaving more reserved and treating those girls as ‘higher status than me’.

Yet any Girls Chase reader who’s been reading even a few weeks should know: doing anything that frames or positions yourself as lower status than the woman you’re courting spells attraction DEATH! Girls go for men they view as higher status than them, not lower!

But that leaves guys with a conundrum: how do you override those instincts to treat her ‘special’ and ‘unique’ when those instincts are so powerful and it’s so hard to get yourself to ‘behave normally’ around her?

Beside this, there’s also what your instinctive brain will be shouting at you: “We HAVE to treat her special! Think there’s any way she’ll go for what all those other girls go for? No way!”

Is that instinct correct?

It’s NOT correct – for reasons we are just about to review.

Note: this article aims at men who are already able to get together consistently with at least somewhat cute girls; i.e., men who have a working process down. If you do not have a working, repeatable process down with girls yet, you may still enjoy this article, but it won’t be as helpful for you – YET!

11 Signs You're an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump)

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By: Chase Amante

the average frustrated chumpAverage Frustrated Chump: an ordinary guy, thwarted with women, falling for silly woman tricks. Here’s how to tell if you’re AFC – and what to do if so.

As I’ve been on social media (here’s our X account), I have come face to face with just how many frustrated, average men there are out there struggling with a lack of dating success.

That’s nothing new, of course. It’s always been this way. But Girls Chase has long served as kind of a bastion due to our large audience of savvy dudes vs. comparatively few very frustrated guys. After wading back onto social media though I’ve been smacked with guys who wouldn’t usually visit Girls Chase – or, if they found us, wouldn’t long stay to participate or read.

In recent years we’ve referred to various strains of frustrated men as ‘red pill’ (not all red pill men are frustrated, but many are), ‘black pill’, ‘incel’, ‘looksmaxx’; many different names.

Yet there’s another name that just as aptly captures all these various average, frustrated men under a single appellation: the Average Frustrated Chump (AFC).

Below I’ll help you realize if you are one – and if so, what to do!

Tactics Tuesdays: Conformity Framing

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By: Chase Amante

conformity framesIf you want to get a girl to do what you want, it’s a lot easier if she thinks what you want is ‘what everyone is doing’ or ‘what the cool kids do’. That’s conformity framing.

Women are herd creatures. Women, far more than men, feel driven to conform.