Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Tactics Tuesdays: Provisional Commitment as a Dating Tactic

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provisional commitment
How do you get a girl who’s resisting you to comply with your request? Provisional commitment: “I’ll give you X if condition Y.”

In Donald Trump’s master class on deal making, The Art of the Deal, Trump often mentions his use of provisional commitments as he assembles deals. For example, he may agree to purchase a given piece of real estate, contingent on him getting regulatory approval for what he wants to build there, being able to purchase an extended lease for the property the real estate sits on, etc. That means that if he can get these things, he gets the deal. If he can’t, the deal is off, and he doesn’t lose anything, or loses very little.

You might think this is just something you’d use in business and legal situations. “My client is willing to testify, contingent upon him receiving...” etc.

Yet the provisional commitment has a slew of uses in the romantic and social arenas as well – assuming you’re not afraid to negotiate with the women you’d like to bed.

How to be a Hard Target, Pt. I: Dating

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hard target dating
In Part I of the series, we look at the hard target dater: the man who can’t be suckered by friend-seekers, flirts, diggers, or climbers.

In the excellent self-defense book Dead or Alive: The Choice is Yours, Geoff Thompson uses the term ‘hard target’ to describe someone who’s a difficult mark for attackers. If you’ve read my article on how to be street smart, you know what I’m talking about (and if you liked that article, you should probably grab Geoff’s book). Essentially, you can turn yourself into someone the bad people just don’t want to mess with.

This article kicks off a three-part series on becoming a hard target not for assault or mugging, but in your romantic and social life. How do you not get suckered by those who seek to sucker?

In each installment of the series, I’ll address a specific social arena where men get duped. The areas we’ll examine are:

  1. Dating: when you first meet a girl, get to know her, and take her out on dates (this article)

  2. Relationships: once you’re already together with a girl, in a romantic relationship with her (next article)

  3. Social Life: non-romantic encounters in the social arena: friends, acquaintances, people with connections (third article)

We’ll take a look at why people will try to bilk you, what kinds of people will do this, and why they try things with some people but not others. And finally, we’ll talk about becoming a hard target these people leave alone, and can’t crack if they try.

Why Venues Go Stale (Plus: How to Still Meet Girls There)

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stale venue
Why do cities and venues grow stale? It gets harder to meet new women as you settle into a place because of changes in how you approach them.

In the comment section of my article on beating learned helplessness, a reader writes:

While I have long ago achieved general abundance with women in my country, the women I really want seem still elusive. I breath action in and out, I take risks like no one in my circle, I truly believe it is my responsibility to materialise my goals, and yet my dream women seem to remain out of reach.

To do something about it, I traveled abroad to Poland last week (I will write a detailed FR in the forum with my conclusions).

With only 12 approaches in 3 days, I almost had sex with a 19-year old model-type brunette whom I approached under broad daylight in a shopping mall. The girl was extremely close to my dream girl.

Why do you think I didn’t get that close to my goals in my own city, but went so close with only 3 days abroad, in Eastern Europe? Is it some kind of placebo effect or are there real obstacles, in your opinion? If the obstacles are real, how can I overcome them?

His comment called to mind a phenomenon I’ve often noticed, and seen in other men I know as well: that after a while, places like cities and venues turn stale.

Stale as hunting grounds for new mates. Stale as places to meet girls.

You’ve doubtless seen this yourself. That new bar you discovered that you were excited to go to... But now, after months or years of going there, the excitement has worn off and it’s just some joint.

Or that new city you got to, that was so fresh and full of beautiful women and new conquests when you arrived. Now it seems like the women just keep getting fatter, older, and uglier, and all the hot girls have gone. I call this ‘old city blinders’.

The good news is, if you’ve noticed this, you’re not the only one it happens to. It’s common.

And the better news is, there’s a way around it. For the most part, anyway.

Poll: Ask Me Your Questions on Picking Date Spots

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Girls Chase poll
She wants to know where you plan to take her on a date.

If you're subscribed to the Girls Chase Newsletter (and if not, why aren't you? You're missing half of my content!), you've been receiving my free 7-day mini course - you should've received Day 6 of 7 this week. We had a little trouble getting all the emails out to everyone, so if you missed some of them, make sure you've:

  • Whitelisted my sender name and address (Chase Amante from newsletter@girlschase.com)

  • Moved any emails from your promotions box / spam / wherever into the inbox (so your email algorithm knows that's where email from me is supposed to go!)

  • Clicked on the yellow "IMPORTANT" tag next to my name in your inbox if you're in Gmail (again, tells the algorithm "don't hide this email from me!")

I'll send out the final email (for Day 7) starting this weekend, with the last video from me, on Reward Theory, and will include links to each of the previous days in case you missed them.

In the meantime, I want to add one final piece to this mini course - a podcast by me where I answer all of YOUR questions on selecting date locations.

Tactics Tuesdays: Giving Gifts and Offering Compliance

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giving gifts
You can sometimes do things for girls to make them more compliant. But you must be strategic in this – and you absolutely can’t supplicate.

Note right up front: this post is for somewhat more advanced guys. At least intermediate-on-up. You need to be fine saying no to girls and not have an overwhelming need to please before you’re ready for this technique. Otherwise, you’re going to end up sabotaging yourself with it.

If you’re a regular Girls Chase reader (or if you own my book), you know how important investment is to doing well with girls. It’s a cornerstone of your success with women. If you’re just catching up and need an investment primer, here’s my three-part compliance series, to wet your whistle:

  1. How to Get Her to Say “Yes”
  2. What If She Says No?
  3. How to Say No to Others and Turn Down Compliance

In my article on Donald Trump persuasion, Lawliet asks a question about giving compliance to get it:

When we give others compliance, does that increase their compliance in us? In social situations with friends? with meeting girls also? What about in sales? I notice some salesmen help clients do things.

If normally not (ex. Sad shopping guy, helpful guy, horny guy), is there a way to leverage it so it does? I somehow suspect it can (why else would so many guys use it as flirting?), but have not decrypt the key yet (they use it in the wrong way).

Some examples would be great! (love to hear your ancedotals stories)

Just my theory,
Lawliet

So, yes – this is absolutely a thing.

In his book Influence, Robert Cialdini cites the example of giving free stuff (like a flower) to ask for a donation, a tactic which started at the airport with the Hare Krishnas – which if you’re too young to remember this scourge on American airports, as I am, you can still see preserved historically in the movie Airplane!:

The thing the Airplane! clip shows you is that this tactic is often pretty grating.

The thing it doesn’t tell you – and that Cialdini talks about – is that it can be (and in the case of the Hare Krishnas, it was) extremely effective.

Yet before you go running off to use it in your seductions, we have a few things to discuss about it, first.

The Good King

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good king
The funeral of Phocion.

In the late 4th Century BC, Athens executed its statesman and de facto ruler, Phocion. Phocion served Athens with distinction throughout his political career. His leadership was one of extreme care and justice. His was a frugal life, lived in a simple home, and he refused bribes of all sorts, no matter how grand – everything from small fortunes to his own city-state to rule as he liked he refused.

The Athenians chose him to lead them into battle 47 times as general, the most-selected general in Athenian history. Yet he was not a militaristic man – he argued vehemently against wars he thought were bad for his city-state. And he saved Athens from unwise action repeatedly, as when the Athenians wanted to war with Alexander the Great after Alexander had crushed an uprising in Thebes. “Foolhardy man,” Phocion said to Demosthenes, leader of the provocateurs, “why provoke one whose temper is already savage? Why provoke this Macedonian who is full of limitless ambition? When there is a holocaust on our borders, do you wish to spread the flames to our city as well, by provoking him further? My whole object in taking up the burdens of this office is to prevent this, and I shall not allow my fellow citizens to destroy themselves, even if they wish it.”

The Athenians eventually sent Phocion to intercede with Alexander on their behalf, after he had rebuffed all the other emissaries they sent, and he quickly became one of the men Alexander trusted and respected most, even over most Macedonians. Phocion inspired Alexander to look beyond Greece, challenging him that if his goal was to show the greatness of his armies, why not show it by the conquest of the barbarians? Phocion made necessary compromises to the Athenians’ Macedonian ruler, but he negotiated hard to keep the Athenians mostly free.

Yet, after Alexander died, against Phocion’s warnings, the Athenians rebelled against Macedon, and forced Phocion to lead their armies, contrary to his personal desires. He agreed to serve his people as they wished of him, and crafted a resounding victory against the armies of Macedon. Yet Macedonian reinforcements arrived from Asia, and the Greek army was crushed.

Phocion negotiated a lighter reprimand against the Athenians than there otherwise would have been without his intercession. However, many Athenians were still exiled, and Antipater, the new leader of Macedon, still punished the city-state. Many non-citizen Athenians blamed Phocion for their plight. And this set in motion the political intrigue the next leader of Macedon after Antipater would eventually use to have the non-citizens and exiles of Athens overwhelm the citizens and condemn Phocion to death, while the citizens looked mournfully but helplessly on.

In prison, an executioner administered poison to the accused, but ran short when it came to the last man, Phocion. The executioner then refused to prepare more poison until he was paid 12 drachmas. Phocion summoned one of his friends and asked him to settle the amount, observing that, “A man cannot even die in Athens without paying for it.” After a life spent serving Athens, those in charge of the city now ordered Phocion’s remains buried outside its limits.

I tell you this story (and will tell a few more) in the interest of a simple question I’d like to pose: is it worth it to be the good king?

Tactics Tuesdays: Never Explain Yourself (to Women)

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explain yourself
“Well, the reason is because…” Lots of guys explain themselves to women. But should you ever explain yourself to her?

Commenting on my article "She’ll Do What She Has to to Get What She Wants", a reader named Mr. Shark notes (emphasis added):

Hello, Chase

I noticed that girls start to ignore me when I explain myself. It kinda bothers me because when I screw up, its like... she is a human, why does not she care where I am coming from? I am sure that it can be done from position of strength just as from position of weakness.

I mean stuff like on Tinder, she asks me what am I looking for there. And I usually look at the girl and based on what I look for *with her*, I answer. And it usually goes downhill. So lately, just today actually, I said "well, I am not exactly looking for a scrabble partner, what about you?" and she sent me this 5 row long text with lots of stuff in it.

Or like, I had a girl in a social circle, it was going well with her over text, just had to ask her out but I wanted to see if she is single first because I did not know so we talked about how she only has one good friend and that its almost as hard to find a good, honest female friend as finding a great guy. And I asked what its like when she already has both. And she replied why do I assume she does. And I let it be there for the day, but then in the evening I sent her some bullshit, precise wording would be "Because that is the positive option, not having that would be negative. And you strikes me as a girl who would rather wait for the right guy rather than to be with a wrong one just to be with someone". And then, we met at campus, it was weird, it shifted to a nice conversation about school basically... kill me. This one I understand why it is bad, but sometimes, it just sucks. You misplan something and she seems bothered and you try to explain where you made the error but she does not care. All she cares about was the outcome and that I screwed up. And I guess the only option is to accept women are this way and simply not explain myself to them.

Cheers

There are a lot of important realizations in this comment from Mr. Shark - I'll list them out:

  • As you explain yourself, a girl gets bored with and ignores you
  • She does not care about your (logical) explanations
  • If you swap out explaining with flirting, she'll get interested
  • She doesn't care about your reasons, only the outcome

Thus, the lesson of today's article is this:

Never, ever explain yourself to women.

At least not in a logical, boring, factual (or defensive) way.

Now, let me explain.

How to Get Comfortable with Female Sexuality

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female sexuality
One of the big struggles for men who are waking up on women is getting comfortable with female sexuality. How do you do it?

One of the more challenging mental hurdles for the active dater can be overcoming his feelings about female sexuality. This is most true for men who’ve grown up bombarded with messages about female purity, chastity, and the like.

Even in our present society, with ‘slut walks’, Femen, rape culture, and Sex and the City, men still grow up confused with female sexuality. On the one hand, men are told women have the right to sexual liberation without judgment from men. On the other hand, if a man talks to any individual woman and broaches the subject of sexuality, she’ll often react with disgust and offense and tell him no, of course she doesn’t do that or isn’t into this.

This leads lots of men to an, ”Oh, that’s just TV,” mentality, where women behave sexually liberal on TV and in the movies, yet sexually chaste in real life.

Some part of most guys knows that there’s some kind of deception going on here; either the TV is lying and women are all chaste angels, or women themselves are lying and they’re not (and he just isn’t in on the action).

Yet a guy can go his whole life without ever pulling the tarp back on this sexual misdirection... Until he starts to succeed more with girls.

And then, everything changes.

10 Ways Guys Waste Time In-Venue (and Don’t Meet Girls)

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waste time in bars
Do you go out to meet girls, but just waste time? Here are the 10 most common ways guys twiddle thumbs instead of collect digits.

Think about the last time you went out to meet girls: did you waste any time?

Did you waste a lot of time?

Of that last outing of yours, how much time did you actually spend meeting women, versus... Not meeting women?

This isn’t to say you need to be an approach machine. And it’s perfectly fine, healthy, and normal to go out with friends just to go out with friends, or even to go to the bar just to have a drink and be around people. But if your objective is to meet women, there are a lot of ways you can waste time... And a lot of ways you can turn a promising night into a big, fat zero.

This article’s primarily aimed at picking up girls in bars and clubs, but much of the advice in here is applicable to day game as well (and I’ll use day game examples along with night game ones).

So, if you want to be more aware of things you do to procrastinate and delay, instead of meet your future naked bedmate, here are 10 of the most egregious ones guys are guilty of.

The Fuzzy World of Social Status

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fuzzy social status
Social status is ‘fuzzy’. That is, you often don’t know exactly where you rank compared to someone else. There are good reasons for this.

Social status is a very fuzzy thing.

On the one hand, you may have clear social status within a specific group. You may clearly be the alpha male of the group (Male #1), the beta male (Male #2), or the gamma male (Male #3), and enjoy the privileges of those high ranks: interested women, respect from men, pride and recognition. Or you may be in the middle. Or even the omega male of the group... The guy who makes up the opposite bookend of the group from the alpha male.

But now step away from the social group we just talked about, and join a different social group. And in this new group, you have no idea what your social status is. You clearly aren’t the alpha here, even if you were the alpha in the old group. But you clearly aren’t the omega, either, even if you were the omega in the old group.

Indeed, you may participate in 10 different social groups, and have different positions within the hierarchies of each one. Alpha in these two, beta in these three, gamma in that one. Maybe you’re the omega in one group – perhaps you just started tennis class, and everyone there is way better than you and knows each other well, and you can’t even hit the ball yet and feel like you do not belong.

Within a social group, the social status of the bookend individuals is clear. Everybody knows who the alpha is, and everybody knows who the omega is. Yet between these roles, it’s much less clear. Are you the beta (#2) male and your buddy is the gamma (#3) male? Or is it the other way around? He’s beta and you’re gamma?

We’re going to talk about these and other measures of the fuzziness of social status in this article.

So, if you’re ready for a little bit of a spun head, buckle in and let’s make you dizzy.