Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Tactics Tuesdays: Spin Your Flaws Into Byronic Flaws

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By: Chase Amante

male virgin
Every man has flaws. However, with a little spin, you can turn ordinary flaws into attractive, Byronic flaws.

A commenter on my article “Don’t be So Afraid to Compliment Others” asks:

“How attractive is it when you say that “I’m terrible at getting into deep connections with people, there are always people I like, but I never get attached that much so that it was too hard to let people go or go away myself. Free choice always stays my priority.”.

Because it’s the trait I really have.”

If you tell her you’re someone who doesn’t connect well with others, usually that’s no good. It sounds like you have a flaw. Or you’re too hard to get. You’re likely to send her into auto-rejection or just turn her off.

Yet there’s a way to frame this. One that works well. All you do is say this:

“You know, I love people. But most girls can’t get past my armor. I don’t know what it is... And I don’t know why I can’t let them in. I so wish I could meet a girl I connect with. It just seems like the average girl is not connection material.”

Just like that, a flaw becomes an asset.

It becomes a Byronic trait. The kind of thing girls go nuts for in men.

And all it takes to do it? Just a little frame control.

If You’re a Male Virgin, Should You Tell Her or Not?

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By: Chase Amante

content="It sucks to be a male virgin in our society. But here’s the $10,000 question: should you tell her you’re a virgin, or not? (Answer: probably not).">

male virgin
It sucks to be a male virgin in our society. But here’s the $10,000 question: should you tell her you’re a virgin, or not? (Answer: probably not).

A reader writes in to ask whether to discuss your virginity with a girl you like:

“Hello,

Been a reader of this site for many years and, suffice to say, this site has really changed my life. I’ve gained confidence, I have developed a strong social network of friends, but, ironically, I have still never slept with a girl or been in a single relationship. I’m still young (20; I started reading when I was 15 or 16), I know, but the concept of male virginity scares me. I was wondering if you guys could touch on the subject, mainly:

(1) Does male virginity matter to woman?

(1a) Regardless of the answer, how does one carry oneself, how does one sell oneself?

(2) If you could talk about male virginity in general, and what it means for us, as men, today.

(2a) This could be, interestingly enough, tied in to modern gender roles, i.e., what it means to be a man in today’s Western society.

Also, just a little background: I’m currently serving in the military (in Israel), and thus it has become very hard to meet new women, and I, and the women I meet, are often swamped for time.

Was hoping you could also do a short piece on meeting women when you serve in the armed forces?

Thanks in advance,
Jonathan”

This is a question we get often enough on Girls Chase.

So, let’s answer it.

When Does ‘No’ Actually Mean ‘No’?

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By: Chase Amante

no means no
When does no mean no? As the lines of consent increasingly blur, today’s men find themselves caught in a sexual Catch-22.

You’re somewhere private with a girl... kissing, caressing, running hands on one another’s bodies. And then you go to lift her shirt up.

“No,” she says.

It’s not a firm ‘no’. It’s more of an “I’m not quite ready” no. Or so you think.

But... Well, you might be wrong. You’re not quite sure.

You don’t want to be that guy who pushes her too far and makes her do something she doesn’t want to.

She isn’t a child, of course. She’s an adult like you. She has agency; her choices are hers.

Yet you want to be a force for good... not regret.

On top of this, you’re terrified of a girl crying rape... You realize 43,000 men have false allegations of rape made against them in the U.S. every year. Most of those cases get thrown out, but often only after tens of thousands in legal fees.

It’s the Salem witch-hunt of the 2010s. And you do not want to be the accused yelling “More weight.” You don’t want your life cindered for nothing.

Yet sex resistance is part and parcel to sex with American girls. If you have intercourse in America, you will encounter this. It is what girls from here do.

So what exactly should you do? And when does ‘no’ actually mean ‘no’?

Tactics Tuesdays: Screening Girls for Same Day Lays

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By: Chase Amante

This should be a fun one.

Slightly advanced. Not too advanced. This should be fine for intermediates on up.

So, this revolves around not boyfriend zoning yourself when screening girls for something quick.

screen same day lay

As you may know if you read this site regularly, it’s good and important to screen girls:

... and after you screen, it’s important to qualify:

Screening and qualifying is important for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is making sure you end up with girls you’ll be happy to be with.

Another reason it’s important though is for making a girl feel like there’s a reason you like her. If she feels like you are trying to sleep with her and she doesn’t understand why, you’re going to end up with attainability problems on your hands (because she’s going to follow Occam’s Razor and assume if you’re interested in her without communicating a good reason for being interested in her, it’s simply because she’s a random piece of ass).

So, you’ve got to screen.

Yet how you screen – particularly when you’re trying to put together something fast – is important.

How Much Should You Invest in Girls?

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By: Chase Amante

Over the years, I’ve urged you to do less for girls and not be so eager to please:

Some of the other writers on this site have urged you to do this as well:

invest in herYet, there is a flip side to this too; and that is that the man who is too stingy with his effort appears petty, tryhard, and socially stunted.

If you’re too much of a compliance miser, girls sense it’s because you fear being too nice. Which can send them into auto-rejection... when they realize you’re deliberately refusing to do for them out of a desire to hold onto power and control (as opposed to, say, not doing for them because you just don’t comply a lot because you’re a free man, outcome independent, and do only what you want to do).

What’s the right balance to strike, then?

How much should you do for girls... as opposed to how much should you not?

That’s what this article is about: how to strike the right balance with your effort.

Her Raw Material or Your Relationship Skills: Which Matters More?

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By: Chase Amante

relationship skillsOne of the more interesting questions in relationship management is this one:

The raw material of the person you’re working with, or your relationship management abilities: which matters more?

Stated differently, are you better off dating girls you know make excellent relationship candidates, or are you better off practicing excellent relationship management yourself?

Of course, you know my advice to you will be: “Do both!”

In my opinion, both these two guys:

  1. The guy who picks a girl who’s a terrible fit for a relationship, yet reasons he’ll be able to ‘change’ her or ‘handle’ her; and

  2. The guy who picks a girl who’s an incredible fit for a relationship, then proceeds to do everything wrong from a relationship management standpoint

... are equally screwed.

However, there are some wrinkles to this that are worth understanding.

Why You Always Date the Wrong Person

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By: Chase Amante

There are two types of people in the world, romantically-speaking:

  • Those who always date the right person, and
  • Those who always date the wrong person

The people who always date the right person are fairly consistently happy, contented, and have wonderful views of the opposite sex. They think dating is grand, and they’re still friends with their exes. Or at least they think warmly of them.

The people who always date the wrong person are fairly consistently ticked off, resentful, or disappointed, and often have scathing views of the opposite sex. They think dating is a grind, and they’re confused and unhappy, or even mortal enemies with their exes... when they’re not trying to get their exes back again, that is.

date the wrong person

This article is about why people fall into one of these camps or the other: why some people always date the right person, and why others always date the wrong one.

If She Does Not Meet Your Needs, Fix It, Tell Her, or Cut Bait

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By: Chase Amante

I see a lot of guys in relationships where they just aren’t getting their needs met:

she doesn't meet your needs

... and I always say to myself, “That seems silly, why don’t they just either fix the situation or get out?”

It seems straightforward enough: if she does not meet your needs, then you either

  • Fix the situation,
  • Make HER fix the situation, or
  • Replace her

Yet, human emotion is not so simple, and once a guy’s is invested in a girl, it’s often hard to pull himself away, even if the situation is not ideal.

So, that in mind, I want to take a look at how men end up in these unsatisfactory positions... and I want to give you some advice on what to do, should you find yourself stuck in a similar pit of tar, unable to get free and sinking ever downward.

Don’t be So Afraid to Compliment Others

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By: Chase Amante

Several times over the years, both on this site and in our newsletter, I’ve discussed compliments: both how to compliment, as well as when to do it, what compliments work best, and even a few nonverbal tricks to make your compliments more convincing.

Despite that, I notice most guys still don’t compliment much, and I suspect this is largely due to a few common fears around complimenting:

  • “What if my compliment draws attention to my own undesirable traits?”
  • “What if it sounds like I’m just trying to ingratiate myself?”
  • “What if I inflate her ego too much?”

I’m not going to tell you those fears are preposterous, because those things do happen.

However, I will tell you those fears are most likely overblown.

And I’m also going to tell you that if you even have these fears at all, you have little to worry about when it comes to paying compliments.

afraid to compliment

Let’s tackle some of these concerns though, and address what’s behind them.