Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Girls are Some of Your Greatest Teachers

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By: Chase Amante

girls greatest teachers
Girls teach you a lot when you try to talk to them, date them, or pick them up. They’re among the greatest teachers you’ll have, in fact.

In Drexel’s post yesterday on the top 3 reasons to pick up sober, he discussed pickup as a crucible through which you may purge demons and unlock total masculinity.

There are a few areas of life that shape and mold boys into men in their own unique ways:

  • Group leadership (sports, clubs, politics, priesthood, military)
  • Business operation (or in particular, business ownership)
  • Teaching
  • Fatherhood
  • Cold approach pickup

None of these are guarantees. Plenty of men make it through any of these crucibles with gaping holes in their masculinity.

  • The talented seducer who sobs over yet another girlfriend who’s ditched him, or flies into a rage when some girl dares reject him.

  • The father who fails to discipline his children out of fear and instead raises dysfunctional adults.

  • The leader who’s a leader in name only, and never learns to look out for anyone more than himself.

  • The teacher who’s only in it for the paycheck, the power, or to indoctrinate and inculcate, versus the instructor who exists to challenge, spark curiosity, and open minds.

  • The business operator or owner who cuts corners and does anything for a buck, leaving a trail of burned contractors, employees, and customers in his wake.

However the man who takes his cultivation serious can grow enormously in any of these roles... Far more so than he can in any other way.

That’s because central to each of these roles are two elements as crucial to succeeding with women as they are to succeeding as a man: the social crucible, and responsibility for more than one’s self.

Tactics Tuesdays: Do You Eject from Dates or Pickups Too Soon?

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By: Chase Amante

eject too soon
You’ve met a girl, it’s going fine, and then you just... Eject, too soon. You leave too early. You beat yourself up about it later – but what could you have done then?

Want a simple way to get more success out of your dates, courtships, pickups, etc.?

Here it is: don’t eject so fast.

Early ejection plagues beginners in seduction. And the wound is a self-inflicted one.

This sound at all familiar?:

You got up the nerve to approach a girl. She’s cute. Real cute. Your heart rate is going 200 beats per minute. And it’s going okay. She smiled when you walked up, she said “hello”, and now she’s responding to your questions and asking you some back. You make a light joke and she laughs. Yet the pressure just builds and builds. Finally, you excuse yourself: “All right, well, it was nice to meet you!” And then you leave.

You didn’t ask her out; you didn’t take her phone number. Things were going okay, but then you bailed. You had to hit the eject button.

Why does this happen? Well, fear, mostly.

What can you do about it? Well, we’re going to talk about that.

What Percent Impact Does Race Have on Attractiveness?

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By: Chase Amante

race attractiveness and dating
Race is a touchy subject in dating and attraction. How much does it really impact your desirability? Anywhere from +19% to -30%, it turns out.

We’ve talked about race off and on at Girls Chase. My usual advice is to not worry about it too much, because you can’t change it; there are so many attraction factors you can focus on that it’s effectively not that relevant most of the time. And if you get your fundamentals tight enough, you transcend race (or negative racial effects become bonuses – “Oh! I didn’t know X race guys could be like him!”).

William talked about race here: “Everything I Know About Race and Dating Girls”, and Jerome discussed it (with a few thoughts by me) here: “Asian Guys and White Girls: The Secret to Success.” And I called out guys who focus on race (or other subjects) to the exclusion of all else here: “I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK].”

At the risk of opening up a can of worms (i.e., the “my race has a negative impact, therefore I shouldn’t even try” worm can), I’d like to look at some of the actual data on racial preferences... As well as how these change with time.

Men are Penetrators. Women are Receivers

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By: Chase Amante

receivers and penetrators
A man’s ability to penetrate defines him, just as a woman’s capacity to receive defines her. But it isn’t just physical penetration: it’s mental and emotional too.

What is different between woman and man?

In 1908, Sigmund Freud introduced the concept of ‘penis envy’ in his article “On the Sexual Theories of Children.” The (rather circuitous) thought process Freud believed little girls went through included wanting to have sex with their mothers, realizing they lacked the equipment for this, then blaming their mothers for their ‘castration’ and turning their affections toward their fathers.

Freud himself admitted not really ‘getting’ women, and his attempts to psychoanalyze them seem to make clear he never really did ‘get’ them.

Yet ‘penis envy’ is a real phenomenon (even if it may not come about quite as Freud imagined). More or less every woman experiences, at some point, the desire to be the penetrator herself. To know what it feels like to thrust the reproductive part of her body into the body of another. Even women, who cannot penetrate, recognize the power of the role.

Men who struggle with masculinity invariably are men who have lost sight of this uniquely masculine role – the role of the penetrator. And they have forgotten women’s uniquely feminine one – the role of recipient. Unlocking masculinity in yourself, and unlocking femininity in the women around you, comes down, to large extent, to this question: can you penetrate, and will she receive?

Tactics Tuesdays: How and When to Change Venues on a Date or Pickup

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By: Chase Amante

change venues
If you need to move things along on a date or in a pickup but it’s too soon to take her home, often the next best option is to change venues.

At times you’ll have things going well with a girl, but not well enough yet you’re ready to take her home. Even still, you reach one of those moments in the courtship where, like it or not, you’ve got to move her.

Moving her around in the same venue won’t work at this point. It works terrific early on, but you’re too far along for it now and it’ll feel like you’re treading water... or even going backwards.

You need movement, but you can’t stay there. And you can’t take her home. So what can you do?

You change venues. One venue to another venue.

The venue change is a handy tool in both dates and pickups. It’s a vital element of instant dates, structured dates, and often many guys’ one-night stand processes. But it’s also a tactic rife with potential to drop the ball.

Take her to the wrong place, and you kill the vibe.

Fail to handle the transition well, and you kill the vibe.

Misread her desires and change venues when she really wanted you to just take her home, and you risk missing the escalation window, and kill the vibe.

So let’s arm you with a few tools to let you read her right, take her to the right spot, and make your venue change as likely to lead to a pull home at the end of your date or pickup as anything else.

9 Things that Make You a Total Buzzkill to Other People

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By: Chase Amante

buzzkill
Make the wrong social move, and you’re a buzzkill no one wants to be around. There are nine (9) such wrong moves, including bad topics, zero confidence, and talking over the other party.

A reader asks:

“Chase, could you write about things that turn you into a buzzkill around people? I read your article on how to overcome depression and I’m currently working hard to get myself out that rut. But sometimes when I’m around people I turn into buzz killington without even knowing it. What are the things I can consciously do to hide my depression?”

It’s a great question.

This site’s about pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, self-improvement, and doing better. Various guys start out at various places. Some guys start out dealing with depression or saddled with victim mentality. Either of these can make you a downer in conversation who sends others running in the opposite direction.

Or even if these aren’t your particular afflictions and you’re content with life, you still may have behaviors you’ve picked up somewhere that inadvertently make you a total buzzkill to other people... Without even realizing you’re doing it.

So, to help you be a more pleasant interlocutor and allow you to rack up positive conversational reference points all the faster, I’ve compiled a list of nine (9) things that serve to kill the buzz any time you use them in a conversation with other people.

Stamp these behaviors out of your repartee repertoire, and you’ll notice people start to like you a whole lot more, more girls say “yes” when you ask them out, and more of the folks you meet want to see you again and include you in what they’re doing.

Here’s our list.

Actors vs. Bonders: Girls Who Focus on Appearances

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By: Chase Amante

appearance focused girls
Some girls focus on appearance above all. Others focus on bonding. Which girl you pick makes a big difference on the relationship you enjoy.

One friend of mine had a girlfriend who attached herself to him when his career was strong, his reputation was great, and his money was solid... only for her to leave when he lost his career, his income took a big hit, and his self-confidence became shaken. A little while later, once everything was back in order and he was doing great again, the girl came back.

Another friend of mine had a girl he’d slept with (among many others) whom he contacted later on, only for her to threaten to “call some big guys” to come mess him up if he contacted her again. This was after a smear campaign against him to ruin him socially turned friends of his against him (while others stayed loyal to him and fought the rumors). The girl in question was obviously one of those swayed, and flipped from major fan of his to throwing him under the bus without hesitation.

Two different friends, with two different girls, in two different situations. Both had one thing in common though, and that one thing was the same thing I see guys who get burned by flashy foreign brides or sexy bombshell girlfriends or any kind of girl remotely like this: they picked the appearance-focused girl instead of the connection-focused one.

She’ll Do What She Has to to Get What She Wants

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By: Chase Amante

get what she wants
Girls: pretty darn good at getting what they want from men.

Apologies if this is a little rough-written. I haven’t slept in 36 hours (save a pair of 30-minute cat naps) and just spent 24 of those hours in a hospital emergency ward (not for myself; the injured party’s going to be fine we think). There’s a story there, though not sure if I want to share it. Suffice it to say 24 hours in an emergency ward surrounded by people in dire conditions with loved ones wailing over terrible tragedies is not something you want to experience if you have the chance to avoid it.

If you’re waiting to hear back from me via email, please be patient; I’m back over at the hospital again tonight, and if I’m not too tired after 60 hours of no-sleep I will get back to you within the next day. Anyway, we’ve got a website to run here, and the show must go on, so... on with the article.

I’ve had a few articles on female psychology I’ve been meaning to get up. This is one of them.

One of the strangest things you will notice when men talk about women is that men fall into roughly four different camps on how they think of the opposite sex:

  1. The white knight camp: “Women are all saints and angels and must be protected from horrible men!”

  2. The doesn’t care camp: “I don’t really know what women’s deal is, but so long as I’ve got one to cook me dinner and give me a blow job I don’t worry about it.”

  3. The bitter guy camp: “Women are all evil, scheming, manipulative succubae whose sole purpose in life is to cause men misery!”

  4. The ladies man camp: “Women are cute, silly beings who can be fickle and changeable, but they’re a whole heck of a lot of fun.”

The first guy is living in La-La Land, of course. He’s the white knight who dreams of trading his valor and loyalty in for an often ill-defined sexual payday. And the second guy just doesn’t know, and doesn’t care to spend the brain cells trying to know.

But what can we say about the third and fourth guys? Guy #3 looks at Guy #4 and mistakes him for Guy #1. Or he thinks he must have it good with women and has never seen their true nature. Guy #4 looks at Guy #3 and says there’s a guy who just doesn’t know how to push the right buttons with girls.

But is one of these guys wrong? Both men are drawing from often extensive experience reinforcing their views. Guy #4 gets laid plenty, has wonderful girlfriends who devote themselves to him, and overall has a great time with girls. Guy #3 gets ignored by women, taken advantage of by them, and screwed over in his relationships.

So what gives? Is Guy #3 just a crummier judge of character than Guy #4 is? He’s choosing the wrong women? Or maybe he’s just worse at meeting girls and running relationships?

While those things are generally true (i.e., guys with negative thoughts about women tend to harbor these thoughts because they aren’t good at getting what they want with girls), there’s more to the puzzle.

The ‘more’ in question is this: a girl’s going to do what she has to do to get what she wants from you. The difference between Guy #3 and Guy #4 is that Guy #4 makes sure women do things he wants to get what they want from him. Guy #3 has no such standard.

The Two Sides

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By: Chase Amante

pua vs. manosphere
Why do some men cultivate themselves to get more dates, sex, and girlfriends, while others become culture warriors? It is the yin and yang of group morality.

I started off writing an article response to a commenter’s question about how to get inside women’s heads and understand what they’re thinking and why they think it. And I’ll still complete that article at some point and post it. But while I was writing it, I branched off into another direction – into this article.

One of the biggest divides you see among readers and commenters on Girls Chase are the guys who want to know how to change to get better results with girls, and the guys who want girls to change to be and do what they want.

Usually my advice is if you’re in that latter category, you’re going to spend a lot of time feeling angry and frustrated until you move into the former category. That doesn’t mean you become undiscriminating about the girls you go for; the more desirable a man you make yourself, the choosier about girlfriends you’re able to be and the more willing those girlfriends become to bend for you. However, it does mean if you choose this path that you seek to adjust yourself, rather than chide others to adjust.

But of course, chiding others to do and be what we wish is an age-old, widespread feature of human societies. It’s ubiquitous, and almost everyone does it.

And when you see a trend like that, that should tell you this kind of chiding and castigation serves some kind of function.

Today, I want to pick apart these two sides for you: what the difference is between those who look inward, and those who look outward.

And it won’t be as simple as the former are the enlightened and the latter are the fools.

How to Pick Up Girls in Lounges

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By: Chase Amante

pick up girls in lounges
Once you know how to pick up girls in lounges, you’ll find they’re some of the best places for this. More quiet, fewer distractions, and more intimacy make things easier for you.

I discussed night game in general in my 2013 essay “How to Pick Up Girls in Bars and Clubs.” This time around, I’ll detail how to pick up girls in lounges.

What is a lounge?

A lounge is a dark nighttime venue that plays subdued, rhythmic music.

The music isn’t the type you’d go nuts dancing to, or sing along with. It exists to create a background, rather than be the main event itself.

I’ve always liked lounges because I’m not a dance floor guy. Dance clubs and dance bars feature dance as the main event here. People lose themselves in the music and merge into the tribe. A large part of success picking up girls in these venues comes down to how you position yourself in the social hierarchy. Are you a sexy jock? The consummate party guy? Nightclub promoter? What’s your rank within this tribe?

Lounges have a lot less of the tribal element. You can still find tribes within them – like groups of people there to listen to a certain DJ, for instance. But even these tribes tend to be open to outsiders, and take themselves less seriously.

A lounge makes it easier to talk and seduce your way into bed with her. There’re fewer distractions to pull her away from you, and her friends care less about whether you’re part of the tribe (and what rank). Girls cockblock least in lounges, and help you sleep with their friends most here. Lounges are the venues you’re most likely to start hitting it off with a girl, and then her friends just leave the two of you alone to do... Whatever you want to do.

Nonetheless, there are standard elements to lounge pick ups it helps to know. In this article, I’ll show you what those are and how to pull them off... So you can take things from conversation to copulation.

So, let’s talk about how to pick up a girl in a lounge.