You shouldn’t join a girl’s shopping
expedition for a date. So why’s it okay to invite her along while YOU
shop? The difference is the dynamic.
In my article on The “Help Run Some Errands” Date,
Lawliet questions whether having a girl come help you on dates doesn’t
set too much of a boyfriend frame.
In my article on how to take girls off their
“scripts” (i.e., having them abandon whatever they’re doing
or trying to do, and have them come be with you on your terms instead),
a reader commented on a point of confusion:
“Moreover,
you’ve even written an entire article on “disqualifying yourself as a
boyfriend”. But in this [article on taking girls off their scripts],
you suggest that its best to make clear what you actually want (even if
that is to be her boyfriend).”
I understand his confusion. I should stress before we
proceed that a big part of my approach with girls is to be inscrutable:
I throw off conflicting signals so a girl can’t nail me down. Just when
she thinks I’m a hookup-only guy, I ooze a little romance and her brain
starts
going crazy. “I thought this guy
just wanted to hook up,” she thinks, “and yet he’s so romantic! Maybe it could
be something more? What’s going on?! I can’t figure him out!”
James Bond uses it a lot in his films. Christian Grey uses it. Every
Byronic hero does, more or
less. She thinks she knows
what this guy is
about... And then she doesn’t know what this guy is about. He’s so
confusing. What is he about?
At some point, you have to let her figure out what it is you want
though, and that’s the kind of ‘clarity’ I meant in the scripts
article. She has to be reasonably certain that, “Okay, I think this guy
wants to hook up with me,” or, “I think he wants to really date me.”
The reason you want her to figure this out is because you want her to
start imagining it. If before she was only in single-and-carefree mode,
and you want her to be your girlfriend, she needs to think about becoming your girlfriend first.
This article is going to be about that. Or at least, some of that.
Therefore, this one won’t be ideal for beginners... Since we’ll be
talking about running, essentially, two kinds of game at the same time:
One part sexy, bad boy hook up guy
But also one part mysterious, inscrutable, romantic guy
You do not tell her you want her as more than
a fling, or even imply it with words. You want her to read between the lines with you.
You usually won’t tell her you want to hook up with her, either (unless
you’re Hector. Or Romanian).
This clarity is all implied... Which means it’s never completely clear.
And the reason you never make it completely clear?
You want her to choose you, and feel the choice is her choice.
Gold diggers can be a
problem, especially if you’re richer than the girls you’re meeting.
However, there are two (2) ways to reliably screen them out.
In my discussion of the belief some guys hold that “women
are evil”, a reader named SBM asks:
“The
question is though, how do you screen for gold-diggers? How can you
find out whether or not a girl you’re taking out on a date is in fact a
gold-digger?”
It’s a good question!
I, for one, love girls who are sexy, fashionable, and confident.
These are tempting qualities for me in any girl. However, one of the
drawbacks of qualities like this is that they’re often – perhaps even most often – found in gold diggers.
And while I’m not wealthy enough to attract top-flight gold diggers
looking for a payout all of the time, I dress well enough that I get
approached by them sometimes in the U.S. (particularly in Las Vegas,
that seedy den of predatory gold digging paradise). And I run into them
in Eastern Europe and Asia.
Some guys like gold diggers, or are comfortable with the exchange
gold diggers want. If you’re such a guy, who thinks it’s perfectly
reasonable for a girl to trade her looks for your resources and
financial security, this article won’t be of much interest to you. Or
maybe it will be, as a kind of reverse technique. Just do the opposite
of it and you’ll attract the gold diggers and repel the girls who don’t
believe in this trade.
However, if you’re like me, and you dislike the foundation gold
digging rests upon, then read on, and let’s talk how to screen these
girls out.
You’ve hit a plateau
and just can’t get results with girls. When this happens, it’s down to
at least 1 of the 7 common dating mistakes.
In my article on overcoming loser mentality, a reader named
Sub-Zero comments:
“I
didn’t mean to confuse you with my comments about not approaching and
everything, but I do approach and have practiced stuff from your site.
what I mean about not approaching is mostly day time and night
street game.
I just haven’t gone up to girls during the day time and approached
them or tried to pick them up.
I do mostly grind on girls at the club, and I talk to them as
well, but the grinding part is mostly my approach, I sometimes go into
convo and get numbers.
I have used techniques from this site, and have gotten lays from
it.
it’s just hard for me to put myself out there to potentially get
rejected and wasting my time. I always have felt like think that since
I was young.
that is how I feel, but I know I can’t feel like that.
I have been here for years and I should be better than where I am
at, I have gotten numbers, deep dived, but i haven’t gotten many dates
even though I’ve been here for years.
maybe you see something I don’t.
I didn’t realize I have been on my head so much until you pointed
it out.
I do approach, but I don’t really count them because it’s not like
day game approach, I feel like that is really cold approaching.”
Sub-Zero’s commented multiple times in the past that what he wants
is to have lots of success with women, and in particular he wants to
have lots of success with women 10 years his junior.
These things are, of course, achievable.
The problem is that how he goes about achieving these objectives
(and how many guys do) is flawed. He makes a number of very key dating mistakes.
I’ve seen time and again guys frustrated with their results making
one or more of these same dating mistakes. The mistakes all center
around the same error: the guy gets too caught up on doing certain
little things, and misses the big picture.
So, to shake you out of any of these mistakes you
may be making, today I want to shine a light on the seven (7) biggest
dating mistakes men make... And what you need to do to overcome them.
We’ve had a few folks ask for this for a while, so what we’ve
finally decided to do is take collections of Girls Chase articles on
related subjects and bind them into books available in ePub and
paperback format via Amazon.
Ever feel bad because
random girls don’t like you? This is the “I have to get every girl
insecurity” – and it can lose you dates and lays.
Not so long ago, I was out with a girlfriend. I’d just left a café I
was working at to meet her, waiting outside. When I got
there, I greeted her, and then she pointed me to a girl next to her I
hadn’t met before. “This is my friend,” she said.
I glanced at the friend, and she glanced at me, and I saw a
half-second automatic expression of displeasure flash across
her face, before she forced a smile and said hi. I said hello. And I
laughed to myself.
The friend wasn’t particularly attractive (she wasn’t ugly; just
ordinary). The reaction could’ve been because she didn’t like my look /
something about me, or
it could’ve been because I accidentally (instinctively) checked her out quickly upon
turning toward her (and she didn’t like my look / something about me).
I can’t really help it, it’s just an automatic
thing, and it excites girls who like me but turns off the ones who
don’t.
Either way, once I excused myself to use the toilet, but before I
returned, I thought about this interaction, and realized that while
this did not bother me now, four or five
years ago I’d have taken it personal and felt hurt. And I thought back
and realized I’ve seen plenty of this (girl flashes me a look of
distaste; I find it amusing), and it hasn’t bothered me in a good long
while.
A girl was rejecting me –
right? That’s a negative judgment.
You’ve met a girl and
it’s going great. But suddenly, she winds up in a conflict with
somebody else. What do you do and how do you behave?
I apologize for the title. I couldn’t think of any way to word it
that didn’t sound like some kind of feminist “men need to step up and
be supporters of women” piece. It may start off sounding like it’s
going to be one of those articles, but bear with me, because you’ll
quickly see it isn’t. This is a tactical piece designed to help you put
more girls in your bed.
So, what do you do when a girl you’re trying to pick up, date, or
sleep
with lands herself into an interpersonal conflict?
This is a simple post, but it has the potential to raise some
hackles. It shouldn’t though. Let me address those hackles right off
the bat:
We’re not talking about agreeing with her on political/etc.
issues
We’re not talking about you pedestalizing her or thinking
she’s always right
And I will not tell you to not disagree with her (disagreeing
can actually boost attraction!)
Instead, what this article is about is the emotional element involved in any
kind of interpersonal conflict
between
her and another group. This will be the case whether actual (there, in
the moment; e.g., her versus some snippy chick) or related (a story she
tells you about something that happened).
You need to take her side.
If you’re a guy who likes to stay balanced and not get involved in
other people’s drama, you will tend to not do this, and instead be the
‘voice of reason’.
But the game of seduction is about you and her, united. If you try
being the voice of reason while you’re also trying to get her in bed,
most of the time you’re going to shoot your own darn foot off.
Sales has a lot in common with dating. If you know one field, it helps you do well in the other. Where do the two fields overlap the most? 16 key places.
In my article “The Beginning is the Hardest Part”, commenter Carver Montana requests an article on where sales and seduction overlap:
“Hey Chase,
Thanks for another great article!
As I was reading the start of it, I got to thinking... I’ve seen you mention your experience in sales a number of times throughout your articles. From what I can gather, it was one of the things that helped you in various ways to ultimately become better with women.
Now, normally when you write about your sales experience, you seem to relate it pick up more or less indirectly. For example, you tell a story about how you went from being looked down upon by your co-workers to eventually gaining their respect, and then you relate that to an article about rising through the social ranks and so on. But I am curious as to why I’ve never seen you write about how sales pertain more directly to pick up.
I know a bit about sales myself (I’m an online marketer) and I know that there is a lot of overlap between the psychology of sales and that of pick up. No doubt you’re keenly aware of this. Hell, I even see you using common sales terminology, such as “closing” and “buying temperature.”
I feel like an article on the similarities between sales and pick up could be a good read. It would be nice to see on the site, if you think it would be appropriate ;)”
Carver is right – I’ve referenced sales repeatedly throughout my writing. Some articles on here directly pull from my sales experience. Much of the terminology in the pickup / seduction world comes from sales terminology as well (though I should that terminology was already in place when I discovered pickup). And I do toss in sales anecdotes and sales analogies pretty often.
So, what exactly is the overlap between seduction and sales? Is there a perfect analogy between the two, or are there places the two don’t connect as well?
Let’s give you some tools to better compare the two. Along the way, if you’re familiar with sales you might find a few extra tools you can apply in your courtships that perhaps you haven’t applied already. And if you’re not familiar with sales, but you are familiar with seduction, you may just find sales less alien territory for you than you might think.
You hit it off with a
girl, or have a wonderful date. Then, suddenly, she has to go. You can
avoid this, yet, with better time management.
Ever meet a girl on a bus or train and have a nice little chat, but
before you could take her number, she stood up and said, “This is my
stop,” and suddenly rushed out the door?
Or you took a girl on a date, with things going swell, only for you
to try to take her home but find out she had somewhere she had to be in
45 minutes?
How you manage your time on your
dates and in courtships, conversations, and pickups is key. You
already know how crucial it is to move faster, hit escalation
windows, and get the girl before attraction expires. But at the
micro level, you must be able to manage the details of time management,
too.
There are two parts of that battle:
The knowledge of how much time you have with her
The strategy around how best to use that time
The stronger you are on each aspect of courtship time management,
the more success your courtships will bring you.
Feminism has fast
become a dominant ideology. When so many of the girls you meet have
feminist leanings, should you ever actually date a feminist?
One of the more unusual phenomena we see in the West right now is
that in many cases, men and women operate under divergent belief
systems.
It’s quite odd, when you think about it. Most places, at most points
in history, men and women operate under the same belief system, and
agree on the same tenets. Usually that belief system is a religion,
like Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, or Shinto.
But in the absence of religion, other causes come to fill this space
by inspiring a new form of religious belief or fervor. Any time something has an -ism attached to
its name, it stands a reasonable chance of coming to occupy
religious-level importance to people.
One such example is feminism.
Feminism has reached a degree in the West where non-believers are
immediately ‘othered’ by the more hardcore adherents of the philosophy.
It has its own truths, like the wage-gap and ‘rape culture’, that are immune
to facts and statistics and have moved beyond scientific
falsifiability.
And it engenders a particularly
combative relationship between the
sexes.
The purpose of this site is not to either support or combat
feminism; feminism comes and goes through history, and is a perpetual
feature of advanced, wealthy, safe societies. The purpose of this site
is to give you useful tools to make better life decisions.
And the one we’ll talk about today is this: should you ever date a
girl who subscribes to feminism... or
any other -ism diametrically opposed to your own beliefs?
