Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Turn Around a Girl in Auto-Rejection

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By: Chase Amante

dating turnaround
A girl who’s in auto-rejection gets cold and snubs you. To turn it around and effect a recovery, you must use this 4-step formula.

This is a firefighting post.

I say that because if you do things right you won’t have to fix anything. But we all make mistakes.

On my article about screening girls for same-day lays, a reader asks:

“About that girl giving massive iois and i didnt approach due to exams coming up.. Its difficult to go into social mode when you have your head in books all day since over a month. And to top it all off, she has gone cold.. typical auto rejection, which is my main sticking point for sometime now. She gave me massive blatant in my face AIs but i failed to take action. Price paid. Very frustrating. I have read all your articles on auto rejection.

[...]

Please come up with some technique to turn around auto rejection as its seems impossible once girls go in that territory. You advised value boosts and preselection to turn around auto rejections but would not those make us seem more unattainable and worsening auto rejection as she sees me with other girls and thinks she wasnt good enough? Thoughts?

I was reading your old forum posts and you said not to accept responisbility for her reactions as it make you seem weak. What in this situation when her ego is hurt? Will accepting responsibility that i wanted to come talk to her earlier but could not due to exams better the situation or worsen it? Or should i blame it all on her that its difficult to approach you as you have a lot of security around? ;) (Her parents or brothers are chaperoning her mostly). How about opening with i know i should have come earlier but.. ‘launching into reasons’? This seems like obsessing but i just want to get your take on it.

Is it better to go in as soon as you sense a girl is auto rejecting or give a time gap and re-engage later? And is it possible to turn around their opinions of yourself after ghosting for a while or once its set they see you that way whole life no matter what.. even years later?

Why doesn’t chasing work when the girl is AR? Shouldn’t her hurt ego feel relieved as being chased is an ego boost?”

Auto-rejection. If you’ve just tuned in, that’s when a girl feels like she can’t get you... So rejects you before you reject her. It’s a response that lets her shield her ego from a guy she thinks doesn’t like or respect her.

It’s also one of the hardest issues to fix. Particularly if you’ve just met.

Yet, there’s opportunity there too. Because if you can fix the mistake, her passion for you goes through the roof.

Why Not to Talk About Game with Women

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By: Chase Amante

content="Lots of guys talk about game with girls. But how does this affect your relationships with them? And is it worthwhile to do?">

talk about game
Lots of guys talk about game with girls. But how does this affect your relationships with them? And is it worthwhile to do?

I’ve noticed a difference over the years between my natural friends and my pick up artist friends. Well, more than one difference, but this one is the topic of this article.

The difference I want to talk about today is that my natural friends never talk about game with girls. My friends who’ve intensively studied dating often do.

This one little difference echoes through their relationships with women. It affects what they talk about with girls on dates. It affects what they talk about in their relationships. And it affects (or is a product of) their thoughts.

I’m going to tell you it’s not good to talk about game with girls in this piece. You might not like that. Maybe you want to be completely open with girlfriends. You’ll see why I recommend this as we go through the article though.

And I think by the end of it, you’ll agree.

How to Survive in a Time of Moral Panic

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By: Chase Amante

moral panic
In a moral panic, no one is safe. Neighbors turn on neighbors, and opportunists use the panic to advance their careers. To survive the hysteria, you must be smart.

Last week I wrote an article titled “When Does ‘No’ Actually Mean ‘No’?” to help you stay smart and safe without having to hole up in a bunker and outwait an age of ambiguity and fear around sex. Today, I want to talk about survival during a general moral panic.

You may have come of age during the ‘rape culture’ witch-hunt. So this might be your first such experience with moral panic. Yet hysterias like this are a fixture of civilization.

A moral panic is a big fear that snakes through society, egged on by crusaders and amplified by the media. In a moral panic, an opportunistic minority become inquisitors in a grab for power. Meanwhile the rest of the population hunkers down and tries to wait out the storm. The few who try to fight back early on are often crushed.

Moral panics turn neighbor against neighbor. They do this by encouraging one man to condemn another for his own protection. If you accuse your neighbor of being a witch, surely you must not be one yourself.

So how do you survive a moral panic? Are you forced to keep your head down and hope no one fingers you as a boogeyman? Should you join the mob and gang up on others until the whole thing blows over, then pretend it never happened?

As I’ll lay out, these are the last things you want to do... Because they leave you defenseless against any accusations leveled against you.

Instead, you must seek to actively define yourself. You must make your identity so clear that the idea of accusing you seems not only pointless, but foolish.

Tactics Tuesdays: Spin Your Flaws Into Byronic Flaws

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By: Chase Amante

male virgin
Every man has flaws. However, with a little spin, you can turn ordinary flaws into attractive, Byronic flaws.

A commenter on my article “Don’t be So Afraid to Compliment Others” asks:

“How attractive is it when you say that “I’m terrible at getting into deep connections with people, there are always people I like, but I never get attached that much so that it was too hard to let people go or go away myself. Free choice always stays my priority.”.

Because it’s the trait I really have.”

If you tell her you’re someone who doesn’t connect well with others, usually that’s no good. It sounds like you have a flaw. Or you’re too hard to get. You’re likely to send her into auto-rejection or just turn her off.

Yet there’s a way to frame this. One that works well. All you do is say this:

“You know, I love people. But most girls can’t get past my armor. I don’t know what it is... And I don’t know why I can’t let them in. I so wish I could meet a girl I connect with. It just seems like the average girl is not connection material.”

Just like that, a flaw becomes an asset.

It becomes a Byronic trait. The kind of thing girls go nuts for in men.

And all it takes to do it? Just a little frame control.

If You’re a Male Virgin, Should You Tell Her or Not?

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By: Chase Amante

content="It sucks to be a male virgin in our society. But here’s the $10,000 question: should you tell her you’re a virgin, or not? (Answer: probably not).">

male virgin
It sucks to be a male virgin in our society. But here’s the $10,000 question: should you tell her you’re a virgin, or not? (Answer: probably not).

A reader writes in to ask whether to discuss your virginity with a girl you like:

“Hello,

Been a reader of this site for many years and, suffice to say, this site has really changed my life. I’ve gained confidence, I have developed a strong social network of friends, but, ironically, I have still never slept with a girl or been in a single relationship. I’m still young (20; I started reading when I was 15 or 16), I know, but the concept of male virginity scares me. I was wondering if you guys could touch on the subject, mainly:

(1) Does male virginity matter to woman?

(1a) Regardless of the answer, how does one carry oneself, how does one sell oneself?

(2) If you could talk about male virginity in general, and what it means for us, as men, today.

(2a) This could be, interestingly enough, tied in to modern gender roles, i.e., what it means to be a man in today’s Western society.

Also, just a little background: I’m currently serving in the military (in Israel), and thus it has become very hard to meet new women, and I, and the women I meet, are often swamped for time.

Was hoping you could also do a short piece on meeting women when you serve in the armed forces?

Thanks in advance,
Jonathan”

This is a question we get often enough on Girls Chase.

So, let’s answer it.

Girls Chase Podcast Interviews Ep. 12: Chase Amante

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By: Chase Amante

Part II of Varoon’s and my two-parter on relationships sees us discuss, in a 90+ minute podcast, a huge range of different subjects on running long-term relationships and monogamy.

A selection of topics Varoon and I discuss:

When Does ‘No’ Actually Mean ‘No’?

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By: Chase Amante

no means no
When does no mean no? As the lines of consent increasingly blur, today’s men find themselves caught in a sexual Catch-22.

You’re somewhere private with a girl... kissing, caressing, running hands on one another’s bodies. And then you go to lift her shirt up.

“No,” she says.

It’s not a firm ‘no’. It’s more of an “I’m not quite ready” no. Or so you think.

But... Well, you might be wrong. You’re not quite sure.

You don’t want to be that guy who pushes her too far and makes her do something she doesn’t want to.

She isn’t a child, of course. She’s an adult like you. She has agency; her choices are hers.

Yet you want to be a force for good... not regret.

On top of this, you’re terrified of a girl crying rape... You realize 43,000 men have false allegations of rape made against them in the U.S. every year. Most of those cases get thrown out, but often only after tens of thousands in legal fees.

It’s the Salem witch-hunt of the 2010s. And you do not want to be the accused yelling “More weight.” You don’t want your life cindered for nothing.

Yet sex resistance is part and parcel to sex with American girls. If you have intercourse in America, you will encounter this. It is what girls from here do.

So what exactly should you do? And when does ‘no’ actually mean ‘no’?

Tactics Tuesdays: Screening Girls for Same Day Lays

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By: Chase Amante

This should be a fun one.

Slightly advanced. Not too advanced. This should be fine for intermediates on up.

So, this revolves around not boyfriend zoning yourself when screening girls for something quick.

screen same day lay

As you may know if you read this site regularly, it’s good and important to screen girls:

... and after you screen, it’s important to qualify:

Screening and qualifying is important for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is making sure you end up with girls you’ll be happy to be with.

Another reason it’s important though is for making a girl feel like there’s a reason you like her. If she feels like you are trying to sleep with her and she doesn’t understand why, you’re going to end up with attainability problems on your hands (because she’s going to follow Occam’s Razor and assume if you’re interested in her without communicating a good reason for being interested in her, it’s simply because she’s a random piece of ass).

So, you’ve got to screen.

Yet how you screen – particularly when you’re trying to put together something fast – is important.

How Much Should You Invest in Girls?

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By: Chase Amante

Over the years, I’ve urged you to do less for girls and not be so eager to please:

Some of the other writers on this site have urged you to do this as well:

invest in herYet, there is a flip side to this too; and that is that the man who is too stingy with his effort appears petty, tryhard, and socially stunted.

If you’re too much of a compliance miser, girls sense it’s because you fear being too nice. Which can send them into auto-rejection... when they realize you’re deliberately refusing to do for them out of a desire to hold onto power and control (as opposed to, say, not doing for them because you just don’t comply a lot because you’re a free man, outcome independent, and do only what you want to do).

What’s the right balance to strike, then?

How much should you do for girls... as opposed to how much should you not?

That’s what this article is about: how to strike the right balance with your effort.

Her Raw Material or Your Relationship Skills: Which Matters More?

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By: Chase Amante

relationship skillsOne of the more interesting questions in relationship management is this one:

The raw material of the person you’re working with, or your relationship management abilities: which matters more?

Stated differently, are you better off dating girls you know make excellent relationship candidates, or are you better off practicing excellent relationship management yourself?

Of course, you know my advice to you will be: “Do both!”

In my opinion, both these two guys:

  1. The guy who picks a girl who’s a terrible fit for a relationship, yet reasons he’ll be able to ‘change’ her or ‘handle’ her; and

  2. The guy who picks a girl who’s an incredible fit for a relationship, then proceeds to do everything wrong from a relationship management standpoint

... are equally screwed.

However, there are some wrinkles to this that are worth understanding.