All right gents, it’s been a while coming, but we’re nearly ready with Colt’s Tinder system. Apologies for the delays – I know everybody wanted this YESTERDAY, but I’ve been trying to ensure that when we get this one out, we make it good, we make effective… and we do it with style.
The year’s drawing to a close, and like we did last year this time, I’d like to review this year’s top posts... both in my own humble opinion, and judging by the interest from comments and social shares.
2014 saw 268 articles (well, 270, including this one and Cody’s piece on meeting women on New Year’s that goes up tomorrow) written by 15 different contributors (several with only one to three articles, but many with a whole lot more). Leading the charge were:
Hector Castillo’s 4 articles on getting girls in college and the power of ‘alone’
Darius Belejevas’s 5 articles on sexy attire for summer and winter alike
Halvor Jannike’s 6 scribings on revamping your mind and approach
Drexel Scott’s 7 pieces on attitudes toward women and being a man
J.J. Jones’s 7 articles on making things happen fast and taking them sexual
Ross Leon’s 15 articles on getting your mind right and getting women bought in
Cody Lyans’s 24 meditations on being intriguing, seductive, and romantic
Alek Rolstad’s 33 pieces on fast sex, sexuality, and cultural norms
Colt Williams’s 49 articles on women’s minds, cougars, and next level seduction
And my (Chase Amante’s) 112 articles on mindsets, seduction, and relationships
... not to mention a contribution apiece from Eric Reeves, Ethan Fierre, Robert Hortzclaw, and Sarah Williams (that last not so popular), and two from Will Legend.
(the author links above link to each writer’s catalog of articles)
Also, I’m going to use this post to talk about plans for Girls Chase for the New Year, and what you can expect to see this 2015 – we’ll do that at the bottom, after the article review here.
On the Girls Chase forums, one of our members named Godsninja shared a sticky situation he found himself in after getting an unpleasant response from a girl he’d traded numbers with and planned to set up a date with. Here’s the gist of it (full post here):
“I got her number and a few days later followed up with our date plan.
I don’t believe I got a text back from her, but I did get a text from another number claiming to be her fiance. Keep in mind this was several months ago, so I don’t remember how the text conversation went, but I remember I was very assertive, and after a few texts back and forth (finding out her fiance is a she), we stopped texting. I stopped texting cuz there wasn’t really a point.
It wasn’t anything serious, kind of awkward, but funny. It started out a little serious but I think I remember suggesting we all have a date together bahah.
...
I was sitting in my car a few hours later and got a text message from an unknown number (her supposed fiance) telling me that I’m an idiot, a stalker, and that she is “gun a go tell/call the cops”, so I told her to go fuck herself because she doesn’t know shit about me, and to come out to the parking lot to ‘talk’. She then reminded me that she was a girl, and I told her she would probably end up kicking my ass anyway. I told her I was really sweaty, and that I’m a good kisser, but I won’t tell anybody. She never replied so I sent a last text telling her not to text me anymore.
After the weekend I got an email telling me I had to attend a non-optional meeting with the Manager of Student Rights and Responsibility. I was reported for intimidation and sexual harassment.”
In this case, this was a pretty unfair situation for GN – he made his approach, took a phone number to set up a date, then got into a nasty text exchange from an unknown number by some person claiming to be this girl’s ‘fiancé’ whom he suspects was actually a female friend or acquaintance of this girl he’d approached.
When he ran into the girl again a semester later, he greeted her, knowing she was familiar but not knowing who she was. As soon as he remembered, he laughed about it, and, not wanting to get sucked back in, bid her adieu.
A few hours later, he received a highly confrontational text message – and then took the bait and got into a texting battle. In the end, the ‘fiancé’ (or whoever s/he was) reported him for ‘harassment’ to the university, railroading his focus and studies – he got off with a warning, but the instigators of the whole thing (the other two people) saw no consequences themselves whatsoever.
Situations like this are rare – you can approach 1,000 girls a year and something like this will only happen to you once or twice, maybe.
However, how you deal with such scenarios can make all the difference between letting awful people like this have a really bad, negative impact on your life, and preventing them from having any meaningful impact at all.
Was chatting with J.J. yesterday about girls contacting you out of the blue with a, “Hey, what’s up! How are you? We should get drinks/coffee and catch up!” message, and what this means / the right way to play it.
These contacts – whether by text, phone, social media, email, or what have you – out of the blue always seem exciting; they’re like free dates (or even a free hook up, if you’re imagining far enough ahead).
You get them and it’s, “All right! Score! This girl wants me bad!”
And then... much of the time after you reply, you never end up meeting her.
All that initial enthusiasm she had to reconnect with you simply dies down and peters out.
That might seem irritating, or mysterious, or downright vexing to you – “Who can understand a woman?” you might say.
But it all has to do with those little things called ‘intrigue’ and ‘investment’, and what happens when you have too little of them – or, how things play out when you have enough.
Welcome to Episode 2 of the Girls Chase Podcast, with Varoon Raja.
Since my last article on the rebellious mind dealt with the concepts of uncertainty and unknowableness – topics which are always uncomfortable for us since human beings tend to be “truth seekers” who want a final answer (hence: science, religion, philosophy, etc.) – I figured I’d delve into a topic normally cloaked in unknowableness today too.
Specifically, I want to talk about the conflicts of interest inherent in romance and seduction, some of which are effectively irresolvable.
There are many simpler aspects of meeting and having relationships with women that are resolvable, such as:
These all fall into tactical, operational, or, in the case of the last three (or a particularly tricky situation on the first three), some degree of strategic.
However, there are problems in romance that are unresolvable because you and the girl simply have end objectives that are too different, or even in active opposition.
These occur at the romance equivalent of “high strategy”, and if yours and hers are diametrically opposed, then one of you must submit his wants to the other’s wants, or the relationship will fail.
I suppose I should caveat then that these are normally unresolvable conflicts of interest – from time to time, one of you may cave to the other and give in to that other’s desire for where the relationship goes (or where it doesn’t go), but unless one party abandons what is in his or her best interests, these conflicts do not resolve in any way other than you and her going your separate ways and meeting other people.
Unless you hack your way around them, which we’ll also talk about (a little later), rather than address them head on again and again and again like what most people try and fail to do.
In
“When to Throw the Ball into Her Court (and
When Not To)”, a reader writes:
“You have some vague guides on believing certain things as well as some articles on what you should believe. You have some important ideas like independence and having conviction spread out throughout your site. What your website really lacks though is a guide to psychological strength. What it is, how you get it, why its more important then fundamentals (or at least as important). Many of your articles peripherally address this concept. What do I mean though by psychological strength? A great question, I’m glad you asked. I love concision so I’m going to describe it in two words. Irreverence and identity. I believe that true leadership and independence only comes from uprooting everything that influenced you in your past. Deconstructing your beliefs. Consciously assessing all your beliefs and finally replacing your previously held beliefs with new ones. These new beliefs are what give you conviction in your life. You form a new belief in yourself, a self-concept, self-respect, and self-adoration. Finally leading to self-actualization. It starts with irreverence and a challenging mentality of everything and finishes with an identity.
Ciao”
I have considered writing on this topic before, but shied away from it because I honestly don’t think it’s something that most people aspire to.
It’s also not something I have consciously learned to any degree,
which makes me skeptical of its teachability – I don’t generally like
talking about things that in my case are more natural ability than they
are adopted qualities.
However, I suppose it’s at least worth having up for anyone curious for curiosity’s sake, so heck... why not talk about it.
Caveats out of the way then, allow me to present the psychological
qualities of irreverence, personal
conviction, and psychological independence – and how you perhaps may
develop them if you choose to.
In
“The Ultimate Guide on How to Get a Girl Back”,
Danny writes:
“This really rings true right now, I have been flirting with a girl for a few months, getting to know her and building quite a bit of chemistry. She works at a coffee shop I go to work on my computer. She had a boyfriend at the time, we met, who was shitty, manipulative and distant. We talked a lot and as soon as they broke up we said we should hang out, texted and flirted a lot more than previously, but she was always aloof about hanging out. In an attempt to show here I was not the kind of shitty guy she had been dating, I told her outright how I feel, that Im not the kind of guy to play games, or try and play the field, and she has been pulling back more. It seems like I came on to strong, and now she feels either disinterested or like she can have fun and Ill just sit there and wait.
In our last conversation, which did not go great (she didnt get mad, just wasnt as forward as normal) we actually talked frankly, said we were both interested in each other, but then she brought up just getting out of a relationship, always hanging out with friends etc. so, expressing both interest and disinterest at the same time
would be interested to hear thoughts.”
That’s a crummy place to be in. Really no fun.
However, the scenario is amazingly common: you see a girl dating a guy that you know is just all wrong for her.
She complains about him, she hates him, she despises him. She breaks up with him, gets back together with him, then breaks back up with him again.
And a light bulb goes off: if you can just show her you’re different from him, she’ll be yours.
As soon as she realizes that you’re nicer, or cooler, or more considerate, or even sexier, this girl will jump from his branch to your branch.
Then you try it, and... it doesn’t work. She doesn’t get together with you.
You tear your hair out in frustration, but it doesn’t help. In the
end, she starts dating another guy just like her ex, and your mind is
blown. Doesn’t she realize he’s
EXACTLY like that guy she just left whom she hates so much?
The reason this occurs is simpler than you might think, though: it isn’t because some mysterious force intervened, or the “timing wasn’t right”, or any of the myriad other reasons a girl will give you herself.
The simple fact is that she has a type... and you aren’t it.
“The ball’s in your court.”
You either love uttering that line, or you never utter it.
It’s a truly liberating line when you’re using it right – some girl you think likes you, or you think might like you, but who is being coy or difficult about coming out... you’re just going to fire that text off to her, and forget about her.
Or a girl you met somewhere social, but she isn’t accompanying you: “Come find me later.” Maybe she will, maybe she won’t.
These can be difficult things to say, and even more difficult things to adhere to, when you’re first starting out and chasing women is second nature. Even if you manage to tell a girl the ball’s in her court, you may find yourself texting her the next day anyway... or the day after.
And the other side is sometimes true too – you may find yourself shoving women off your plate too quick and too often, not wanting to deal with the sometimes-stressful dance that is seduction.
Perhaps that girl you told to get in touch with you later, who never did, would’ve gotten together with you had you persisted just a little bit harder in person or over text.
Drawing the line between when to persist and when to toss the ball in her court is a dicey call sometimes... yet it may determine the difference between you chasing after her and still not getting her, and you flipping the script on her and getting her chasing you.
One topic
I’ve found coming up a lot recently in discussions with
guys on the boards and in real life is that of avoiding what I call
‘over-gaming’... when a guy just spends too much time trying to
convince
a girl he is attractive enough, or that she should come with him,
instead of just leading and making it happen.
If you’ve fully internalized some of the basic concepts on here already, like:
... there won’t be much new for you in this post.
However, if you’re still not firing 100% on all cylinders, this’ll give you another perspective at looking at an issue that guys in the intermediate level on up run into quite commonly.
