Articles by Author: Chase Amante

There's a very powerful factor in both courtship and relationships that has an outsized influence on how "with you" a girl really is... or isn't.

It's something that makes all the difference in the world between her brushing off and deflecting interlopers who come in to try to make you and her break circle when the two of you have just met, or her indifferently engaging in conversation with whomever she finds herself talking to next, with little a care or concern about re-engaging with you.

And it makes a huge, obscene amount of difference in how much of her time a romantic partner of yours is going to spend thinking about you, doing nice little things for you even when you haven't asked her to, and going out of her way for you... and it even makes a very large difference in how much respect she has for you in your relationship, how personally insulting or not she is during arguments, and even how likely she is to cheat on you.

This one single factor is something called "emotional association", and it's a factor that you want to get going for you whenever and wherever possible.

Should you sleep with women you're not all that excited about, purely for the sake of the sex itself?

It's kind of a loaded question - isn't it?

It's one you encounter with guys who are new to the idea of approaching their success with women as a skill set - you'd like to be good with women, but you're not a crazy sex-aholic who's ready to jump on anything or anyone who'll take him, and in all honesty there's really only a small, select subset of women who really do it for you.

We've had a few questions to this effect recently on the site - here's Mike, on "Girl Has a Boyfriend? 3 Things to Do and 7 Things NOT To":

“I'm almost to the point where I feel the need to buy sex, not so-much because I haven't had it in so long that it's driving me crazy, or that it will build my confidence, but merely because I sense the women I'm interested in ( all of whom have boyfriends) sense in me, to borrow an expression, a 40 year-old-virgin syndrome. I don't believe I can lower my standards, taking on a girlfriend I'm not sexually attracted to, merely to get in the game and end my prolonged period on the market ( I live in a relatively small community where everyone seems to know everyone else's business.) But do you advise that's what I'll have to do before I can land the big fish? Or do you believe there is some amorphous "clinical" benefit ( again, not related to building confidence) to getting laid once in a while even when you have to pay for it?”

... and here's Michel, with a similar question a day later on "The 100 Hour Rule":

“[W]ith my girlfriends before, I knew each and every time that we would be lovers in the first 10 seconds after meeting her. Then there is no question of approach anxiety or of bad technique (even though I'm sure that technique helps make the relationship better, and that all I read on this site will one day prove useful!). But without this feeling I really don't feel attracted to a girl. The idea of having sex with these random strangers I meet every day is even mildly disgusting.”

Thus, we arrive at the beginner's dilemma: you'd really like to have more success with women, just... you'd like it to be with the women that YOU want to have success with, not merely whatever you can get.

So what do you do?