Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Tactics Tuesdays: When Dates Don't Work Out, Do a Post-Mortem

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By: Chase Amante

dating post-mortem
When a date or an outing doesn't pan out, use a post-mortem to figure out why. Give yourself clear action items for next time – and recover your emotions, too.

Your dates and outings won't always work out.

Sometimes they don't pan out at all. You go out and approach girls and all you get are stony faces. You take girls onto dates yet can never get past the polite zone. You bring women home and hit a wall of last-minute resistance.

There is one thing you ought to always do, whenever things don't go your way.

That thing is a post-mortem.

The term comes from the Latin for after death, and it's pretty close to how we'll use it here.

After your date, outing, or seduction has 'died'... after the whole thing is over (and not before), you're going to do an 'after death' review to figure out what within your control went well, and what to change next time.

This is so incredibly important to your learning and future success. It takes your progress with women and puts it on the fast track -- and all it takes it a little cognizance of what you could've done better, and enough emotion control to step back and look at everything objectively.

Tactics Tuesdays: Smile, Eyebrows Up, Open Eyes

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By: Chase Amante

smile and attraction
It's basic, but it's also easy to forget to do. Smile when you approach a girl, and your odds of success with her go way up.

Sometimes the simplest stuff is the most important.

Every now and again, despite however many years at this, I will go out and discover things aren't going my way. Women don't glance at me or hover near me; when I approach them, they're lukewarm.

At first, whenever something like this happens, I assume it's randomness and asymmetry. Not everyone who sees you will like you; not everyone you talk with you'll connect with. Yet sometimes the pattern keeps up, well past the point you can chalk it all up as randomness. You meet more girls, talk to more girls, and they're still not as receptive as they should be.

Whenever this happens, I do a post-mortem on the outing. What did I do wrong? Where'd I screw up? I can usually find a few areas.

One of the most common, though, is also one of the most basic. All too often, I've been off in whatever kind of mood, and realize I haven't been smiling.

Tactics Tuesdays: Telling Girls "You're Such a Girl"

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By: Chase Amante

you're such a
Escape women's traps and make things fun with "You're so demanding!" or "You're such a girl!" and other variants of this playful, off-balancing tease.

Here's a little tactic/tease you may use, but perhaps not enough.

When women test you or do something silly or unexpected, or when you need to put the heat back onto them, use this line:

"You're so [BLANK]!" or "You're such a [BLANK]!"

For example... at some point, a girl you've recently met asks you a super serious question about cheating in a relationship. A question there's no way to answer seriously without either qualifying or disqualifying yourself. A question seemingly designed to suck all the fun right out of the courtship. How do you proceed?

One excellent way is with "You're so [BLANK]!" Like so:

Her: So. If you were married, would you ever cheat?

You: Wow. You're such a downer! We were having fun, then all of a sudden you're assessing my value as a long-term mate.

Use a bemused, slightly endeared delivery when you use lines like this. Show her you find the situation funny and unusual, though also that she's somewhat endeared herself to you (even if she is a little weird or uncalibrated) with her silly/cute behavior.

"You're so" or "You're such a" can spin around all sorts of uncomfortable conversational situations. Questions about whether or not you're a cheater are just the start.

Getting Seriously Good at Socializing Takes a Lot of Very Hard Work

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By: Chase Amante

good social skills
To reach the top level of the most socially successful men, you have to hustle harder than almost anybody else.

Guys arrive at Girls Chase with all sorts of different ambitions.

Many guys just want a girlfriend. Some want to lose their virginities, or break a long dry spell. Others are fresh out of a marriage, bouncing back from divorce.

I don't talk about going for really outsize results a lot... because most guys don't really want to be one of the 10 coolest guys in town, or pile up 120 lays. Even if a guy starts out with "That's what I want!" usually past a certain point he realizes actually, he's happy where he ended up: some cool friends, a decent number of notches, a hot & caring girlfriend.

Usually I assume that, beyond that, if a guy is serious about stupidly, ridiculously outsize results -- like, being in the top of the top of men out there -- he'll realize, naturally, that he has to hustle his ass off for a protracted time to get there.

But it occurs to me now that perhaps not everybody does realize that.

One of the confusing things for me over the years has been guys who comment on Girls Chase regularly and talk about the outsize results they want but don't show outsize hustle in pursuit of those results.

While it's true the material on GC will speed and ease your journey, it's a bit like having an expert guide on a mountain climb. The guide will help (a lot!)... but you still have to climb the mountain.

There are no helicopter rides to the top of Mount Everest. Helicopters mostly can't even go that high (they can't usually generate enough lift). If you want to get there, you must train on lesser mountains, you must train rigorously; you must get a good guide, and then you must do lots and lots and lots and lots of very hard work. Most people who set out to make that climb never make it to the top; they content themselves with smaller achievements, when they realize they're happy with those smaller achievements... or that the cost for greater ones is too great for them.

How (and Why) to Become a Tactile Man

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By: Chase Amante

tactile manRight now, you're reading an article on a screen. Its text reaches you through your eyes. Or perhaps you have a text-to-speech app on your phone to read this article to you, and the words trickle into your ears. All the media you consume is visual or auditory. Columns, articles, videos, forums: it is all via eyes and ears.

You work a job, more likely than not, which consists principally of visual and auditory tasks. Type things into a computer. Receive verbal orders from customers. Communicate expenses to accounting. You speak, you listen, and you see.

When you order take out food, it's audio and visual. You don't grasp the food before you order it; you don't touch the clerk who takes your order. When you go to the café, audio and visual. When you head to the DMV, audio and visual. When you spend a few hours at the cinema, audio and visual. When you get beers with your buddies, unless you're all quite chummy it's audio and visual.

That our lives are so audio-visual is probably due to life in an urbanized society. Touch, as a sense, does not scale well. I can write this article, and you and fifteen thousand other men can read it. I cannot come to where you are, walk up to you, and turn your head to point it at every audio/visual item or technology you have around you, or place those items into your hands. It's simply not doable. Audio and visual communication, on the other hand, scales.

Yet despite the advantages of scale, our digitized, atomized society also makes it harder for people to truly connect.

That's because people are not just auditory, visual creatures.

We are, very much, tactile beings, too.

The Myth of "The One": Is There Really Just One Person Out There for You?

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By: Chase Amante

only one the one
The myth of only one The One out there for you comes from hormones and Hollywood. The truth is, there is more than one soul mate for you.

In my article on how women express interest, Bruhaha asked:

"Hey Chase, of recent I was in a heated debate with a religious friend of mine. He holds the view that there is only one girl for every guy in this world and vice versa. I argued that if that were the case, then every widower that remarries is doing a great injustice to the rest of his fellows. This is b'se he would be encroaching on other people's ones. And that the church should actually publicly denounce the holding of such ceremonies in order to be considerate to the rest of the population so that they can have a perfect shot at their ones also. That's when it struck me that you have never actually covered this issue before. I hope sometime to come, when you feel like it, it would really be cool to have your perspective on this issue. I would suggest you entitle it "Debunking the myth of the One", if you don't mind of course. Carpet diem!"

And he's right, I haven't addressed it on here, at least not in article form. I've discussed it a bit in comments over the years... but no standalone article on the subject.

So let's get one up.

Three things we should talk about with 'soul mates' and 'The One':

  1. Are there people you match better with than others?
  2. Is there only one truly perfect match?
  3. Are soul mates drawn toward each other?

All are interesting questions. We'll explore all today.

What to Do When She Says "It's Too Fast" and Wants to Leave

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By: Chase Amante

it's too fast for me
You tried to take her to bed, only for her to tell you "It's too fast for me." Your solution: 5 options that can smooth things out and get her to stay.

You ran the courtship (up until now) to perfection. Sparks flew when you talked to her. She laughed at your jokes (and you were wittier than usual). You remembered to touch, and touched her well. You took the lead and led her home.

Everything went great -- till a moment ago. Then as you tried to kiss her, she distanced herself from you. She told you "It's too fast for me."

You tried to persist; she said "I think I should go."

What do you do? Deep within your gut, you know if she leaves, she's gone. Your lizard brain knows what happens when you come this close then fail to close the deal. Yet you also freeze up with fear: you live in a paranoid feminist society. Many women now view male persistence as all but analogous to assault. The last thing you want to be is pushy... especially while alone with a woman you're only just getting to know.

Must you surrender? Must you let her go... say goodbye to a happy coupling never to be? Cast her into the wilderness to find a man less desirable than you, less wonderful than you, who will please her less than you?

Seems like a tragedy, doesn't it? It shouldn't have to end on so ignominious a turn.

And while there's no 100% way to change a girl's mind as she's on her way out, there are a few things you can try. But first you must understand why, when things had gone so well to that point, she suddenly balked.

The 'Pay Your Dues' Approach to Incredible Social Skills

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By: Chase Amante

social skills
If you wait for life to give you chances to improve your social skills, you'll wait a long time. Create your own chances by becoming a socially attractive individual.

Toby was a guy life never really gave a chance.

Often he imagined his bright future: a beautiful girlfriend; the leader of a cool social group; the most popular guy in town.

But the sad reality was, life never gave him the chance to get there.

When Toby was in school, sometimes girls got crushes on him. But they were never the 'right' girls -- not beautiful enough, not popular enough. There was one time a pretty, popular girl took a shine to him. But the thing was, there was never a good time to talk to her, a good way to meet her. So he never met her and never got to talk to her or ask her out. Life just never gave him a chance.

Sometimes people would be friendly with him and try to include him in their groups. Except it was never the right people. Sometimes it was the nerds (he didn't want anything to do with them). Sometimes it was the outsider kids who were in the middle of the social hierarchy. He was friendly with them, but he didn't encourage them -- they were okay, but they weren't cool. When he talked to the cool kids, they'd be friendly back, but he couldn't seem to break through with them. Life just didn't give him a chance.

After school, the pattern continued. Sometimes girls would like him, or people would want to hang out with him. But they were never the right girls; never the right people.

He didn't understand why it was so hard for him to meet the most beautiful girl; to have the coolest friends. Why must life be so stingy with chances?

11 Ways Women Express Interest that Most Guys Miss

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By: Chase Amante

express interest
Women use subtle ways to express their interest. Keep an eye out for these 11 signs though, and women's subtle signals become clear as day.

Women express interest in men in all sorts of subtle ways. Much of the time, you may not even pick up on the signs... or you may have a vague sense she's interested, but not be sure.

It's a common thing for a guy to think maybe a girl's interested, but actually you're not sure, so you let her go... only to realize later on that, yep, she was definitely interested -- and you missed your shot.

In the list below, we'll lay out 11 of the more subtle ways women use to express interest in you. Once armed with these, you won't have to wonder if "maybe she is." You'll know when you've spotted one of the signs -- and can proceed with her accordingly.

Let's start with #1.

How to Be a Confident Man (with the Kind of Confidence Women Like)

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By: Chase Amante

how to be a confident manEvery man who isn't it yet wants to know how to be a confident man.

Men build lives around confidence. They want to find it, get it, hold onto it.

They want to be around people who already have it. They want others to recognize them as in possession of it themselves.

There are different kinds of confidence. There are:

  • Men who are confident they can excel at school/work

  • Men who are confident they can win fist fights

  • Men who are confident they can sing a song well

  • Men who are confident in how they walk, talk, or dress

Each kind of confidence is a different confidence. Each is good. Having one does not mean you have the rest. If you're confident you can win a spelling bee that does not mean you are also confident you can survive being stranded in the desert. These are two different kinds of confidence.

One kind of confidence stems from a key belief every man successful with women holds.

Women call this belief 'confidence', and refer to men who have it as 'confident men'.

Yet at its heart it is a belief. One key belief.

The belief underlies a man's actions with women. You can see it in his reactions to what women say and do. The belief emanates from him when he discusses women. It drives all his decisions regarding them.

No man enters the world with this belief. And you can't so much teach it as progress toward it.

As with any belief, it is acquired gradually, with experience. Sometimes that experience is conscious; sometimes not.

Once a man has this belief, it is tremendously helpful in a great many regards. It gives him wings with women; it allows him to achieve things men who lack the belief (confidence) cannot. It makes him a mystery to other men around him: they see him pull off things with women they cannot understand. Women behave in ways around him others think women don't or shouldn't behave. The belief-holding man violates everything other people think they know about how women interact with people and men.

Different men have different degrees of this key underlying belief. Highly confident men have it a lot; lesser confident men have it a bit. Whether a man claims to hold the belief or not is not the key to his confidence. It is what the man believes, deep down, in that core place inside himself, that determines how the belief manifests itself outside, actively, as a confident man in the world with real women.

If a man has this true confidence, from this one key belief, you can see it. Women can see it too -- and women respond to it.