Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Don't Let Your Approaches/Courtships Be Adversarial

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By: Chase Amante

adversarial approach
If you get your hackles up, or start to feel defensive, it’s easy to turn adversarial on dates and in conversations. Yet do this, and you will quick run into walls with women...

Here’s an insidious problem it’s easy to overlook.

Sometimes if you hit the bars, or the street, or a party, and your first few approaches don’t go well, and you pick up a couple rejections, you can start to sour on the whole ‘chat up new girls’ thing.

Or sometimes if you have a history of rejection... or you’ve been reading too much anger-inducing content on the Internet... or you’ve just had a terrible day in general... this can happen.

Basically: you start to expect the worst, and either bristle for it, go in adversarially, or both.

And when a woman talks to you, she can feel it: you’re defensive, guarding against rudeness, insult, or dismissal. And/or you’re aggressive, treating her like an opponent whose defenses and objections you must ‘beat’, instead of as a friend you’d like to help lead around those objections (and into bed).

Yet the more adversarial you let your approach become, the worse it will usually do.

You need to not do this to make things work better with girls.

Does She Know What She Wants? Many Female Desires Are Unconscious

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By: Chase Amante

know what she wants
What women say they want and what they actually choose often doesn’t line up. Why is so much of what women really want unconscious?

One of the most challenging aspects of psychological science is how often people say they want one thing, only to choose something else.

I saw this routinely back in my tire salesman days. A customer would come in and say he wanted the cheapest set of tires we had. I’d ask him about what he wanted his driving experience to be like; I’d discover he wanted great road traction and a comfortable ride; and he’d proceed to purchase a premium set of tires with excellent traction and ride comfort instead.

This “what you say you want vs. what you actually want” issue manifests in all sorts of ways in psychological science, too. Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel’s 2008 speed dating study “Do people know what they initially desire in a romantic partner?” found no matter how strong someone insisted a preference was (e.g., “I will only date a girl if she is beautiful” “I won’t date a guy unless he makes a lot of money”), that person was no more likely to pick someone who matched the preference in a live event than average.

In his chapter in The Adapted Mind: Evolutionary Psychology and the Generation of Culture, on how women evaluate mate prospects, Bruce J. Ellis unfurls a host of items on how women select their mates. One of the most important things Ellis talks about, though, is some of the paradoxes in mate selection. For instance, much research finds women are drawn to men who are socially dominant: men who dominate their social environments. These men tend to be cooler, more aloof, and more detached. Yet a lot of other research finds women are drawn to men who are warm, personal, and caring. How do those two connect?

We’ll talk about Ellis’s solutions to the warmth-dominance paradox below. But first we need to pose a question: do people actually know what they want?

Tactics Tuesdays: Brushing Off Tough Questions

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By: Chase Amante

brush off questions
You never want to explain yourself to a woman’s tough questions. Yet to brush them off, you need the right tactics – and the right mentality.

We’ve talked about tough questions (which fall under the umbrella of ‘tests’) before. I’ve given you some ways to answer these well, as well as a formula to know how to respond to such challenges (i.e., status and respect). And, perhaps most importantly of all, I cautioned you never to explain yourself to women.

Today we’ll talk about a few specific varieties of challenging questions you can receive (from both men and women... though we’ll focus mainly on questions from women today). That variety is tough questions; questions that put you on the spot, in a not-so-helpful-to-your-cause sort of way.

We’ll talk about brushing these questions off. But there’s going to be a twist to how we do this; we don’t want to do a brush off in a way that looks like we are trying not to answer. That’s because if you evade someone’s questions (for too long), it seems like you’re frightened, or have something to hide.

So instead, we want to brush tough questions off in a way that either blows up the question, or lets us answer it on more favorable terms.

How to Erase Your Jealousy (Without Turning Into a Pushover)

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By: Chase Amante

get rid of jealousy
Jealousy is a green-eyed monster. But to overcome it, you must adjust both your focus, and steer your partner’s worst behavior.

Sometimes you’ve got a girlfriend who’s a bit of a flirt and keeps guys around her on a hook. Sometimes you’ve got a girlfriend who’s a little oblivious (or at least, presents herself that way)... and keeps men around whose intentions with her are more than platonic, yet she acts like she doesn’t see it. Sometimes she doesn’t do any of that, but you’re nervous anyway. Maybe a girl’s burned you in the past, or you’re just a little short on trust in general. Regardless the reason, you know jealousy’s an issue for you... and it’s time to rein it in a bit.

This article is not about how to prevent cheating. If you need that, read my article on it: “How to Prevent Cheating by Your Girlfriend.” Nor is this article about how to screen for girls less likely to cause problems or cheat; for that, check out the list of resources in this article: “Her Raw Material or Your Relationship Skills: Which Matters More?”

Instead, this article is a reframe of normal male jealousy. For this article, we’ll assume you’re in a fairly healthy, fairly safe relationship where cheating is not that big of a real issue. If infidelity is a big issue, of course, you shouldn’t read an article on how to get rid of jealousy. You should, rather, probably read about how to get rid of a troublesome partner and replace her with someone less heartache-inducing.

We’re going to walk a bit of a fine line here. Because the goal is not to totally and completely erase jealousy altogether. Think of jealousy as a warning sign. It’s your canary in the coalmine. If the canary flips out and starts to chirp and squawk every time somebody comes down the mine elevator, it’s obviously not doing its job so well. But you don’t want to completely take the canary out of the mine either; otherwise you’ll receive no warning when the roof is about to collapse.

So, in this article, we will seek to get jealousy focused on only the right signals – and train it to ignore that which is not as much of a threat (or at least, that which is less of a threat).

The "I'll Show Her!" Mentality in Dating

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By: Chase Amante

I'll show her
You might tell yourself “I’ll show her!” when a girl is resistant to or uninterested in you. Is there a better way to respond to a resistant or disinterested woman?

There’s a mentality I see a lot from guys. I’ve been guilty of it too, so I won’t claim innocence.

It goes like this: some girl doesn’t give you what you want, or she puts up walls to you, or does something else you do not like. In defiance, you tell yourself, “I’ll show her!” and you end the courtship. She’ll miss you when you’re gone – but now it’s too late for her; her chance with you is blown.

This mentality does indeed have its uses. We’ll talk about them below.

However, much of the time guys use it, it is just puffery. The girl moves on, doesn’t spend more than a few thoughts on you, and meets someone else. You, meanwhile, get to be alone with all your “I sure showed her!” thoughts.

If you do it, should you never do it? And if you don’t do it, what ought you do instead?

Wounded Man, Nurturing Woman

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By: Chase Amante

nurturing girlfriend
Guys often want a woman who will nurture them. How does a man come to desire this – and is it really the healthiest relationship setup?

There is this dream many men have. In it, a man opens up and tell all his pains, fears, and weaknesses to a woman. In turn, the woman takes it all in, consoles the man, nurtures him, and loves him even more for his sensitivity and innocence.

Often men with this dream try to pull this off with this girl or that. Yet, they are disappointed. The girls they try it with do not respond with the warmth and acceptance they wish for. Instead, the girls they open up to are critical, rather than nurturing. These women often lose respect for them, rather than gain it.

Sometimes this reaction will cause a man to adapt: women are for companionship, homemaking, and sex; they are not for emotional support. Other times, it can cause a man to become bitter: there are no good women out there. No woman will accept me and love me for who I truly am.

Today’s article is about this idea of a nurturing woman you can tell anything you want to to, who will love you regardless how much weakness and vulnerability you share with her, and who will never leave you, no matter what. Are there women out there like this? And is there any role you must play in this – other than to simply offload your emotions to her, and have this girl carry your burdens for you, and bandage your wounds?

Tactics Tuesdays: 4 Tips to Handle Conversations in Groups

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By: Chase Amante

conversation in groups
How do you handle conversation in a group… especially when there’s a girl you like and want to talk to there? With 3-second eye contact, quality face time, and more.

Ideally, you’d like to be able to meet a girl one-on-one, hit it off with her, and run through the courtship free of distractions or interruptions. You know, that’s like meet her on the street... or in the café... or in the bar... or waiting for the train... and she’s allll by herself. All yours, from the moment you walk up.

In reality, you’ll get this some of the time. But if you’re waiting for only girls you can meet in isolation, you’ll pass up a lot of pretty girls who might otherwise have available to you. Girls you did not approach because they were with other people, and you didn’t want to have to deal with a group conversation.

It is a little dicier handling group conversations. However, there are upsides too. The biggest of which is, like the old ‘group theory’ of yesteryear PUA, once she sees you win over her group of friends, suddenly it becomes a lot easier for her to show attraction to you and agree to move forward with you (assuming she does like you). Effectively managing a conversation with multiple people involved, while also showing interest in and proceeding things forward with one specific girl in the group, shows a lot of good, attractive qualities about you. Leadership, confidence, social savvy, influence, ability to build a private world with her even as you charm everyone else... all these are on display as you work your way deftly through a group conversation situation, if you’re doing it right.

In this article, I’m going to give you some tips on doing it right, to better put you in that ‘successful group conversationalist’ bin.

12 Ways to Spot a Transsexual (Signs She's a He)

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By: Chase Amante

spot a transsexual
Not every transsexual wants you to know all the details. To not get catfished, you need to know how to spot a transsexual – and steer clear of traps.

I just saw the David Cronenberg movie M. Butterfly, about a dude who seduces another dude who doesn’t know he’s a dude, and carries on an affair with him for 20 years and even convinces him they had a child together. All based on a true story (you can read about it on Wikipedia). What a weird movie that was (I’ve always loved both main actors, too – Jeremy Irons and John Lone. Terrific talents. Though this sure was a strange flick). Anyway, got me thinking about this topic.

A while back, I was out with a group of people in a new city. Our group consisted of five guys and four girls. Three of the girls were friends, but one was a little separate from the rest of the group. And this one... something about her triggered my “there’s something weird here” radar.

She was dressed in a sexy teal dress, and went around flirting with all the boys. She had an eye for me in particular. But to me, she looked like the women I’d seen in a cougar club in Del Mar; skin too-tight on the face (obvious sign of a face lift), lips full in an unnatural way (Botox?), dressed too flashy for an average girl. “She must be an older woman hunting for younger guys,” I thought.

At one point though, the guy I knew there leaned in and told me “She used to be a guy.”

Light bulbs went off. Ah... that’s what I was picking up on.

“Her last boyfriend didn’t find out until they’d been sleeping together for a month,” he said.

“Interesting,” I said. “How’d he react to that?”

“He was pretty upset,” my friend said.

This article is about how to not end up like that duped boyfriend, or some of the other men I’ve had transsexuals tell me about from their romantic histories (one, showing me a picture of a boyfriend, about said boyfriend: “He got used to it”). It’s about how to spot a transsexual – because not every transsexual wants you to know the truth.

Tactics Tuesdays: When She Tells You "I'm Just Not Feeling It"

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By: Chase Amante

just not feeling it
Sometimes despite your best efforts, a girl will tell you “the spark isn’t there” or that she “just isn’t feeling it.” When this happens, you have 3 options on how to proceed.

I recently responded to a comment from a reader named Jason about an issue he ran into, where a girl he had a good thing going with (they’d progressed fairly far into intimacy, though hadn’t had penetrative sex yet) told him, about their kisses, that she “didn’t feel a spark.”

There’s a certain category of rejection girls can hit you with, where they object to the potential between you and them. Usually this takes the form of a girl telling you it just doesn’t ‘feel’ right, in this way or that. Examples:

  • “I just don’t feel any chemistry”
  • “The spark just isn’t there”
  • “I don’t know, I’m just not feeling it”
  • “I just don’t feel into it, I don’t know why”

The most maddening thing about this is its vagueness. Vague problems are hard problems to right.

So what do you do? Pack your things and go? Give chase and try to convince her she’s all wrong, and there was a spark? Obviously, neither of those is ideal.

There are a few superior options you can use to deal with objections like this. Those better options are the subject of this post.

Last Chance to Buy One Date (Doors Close Tonight!)

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By: Chase Amante

Okay gentlemen. This is it. The final stretch.

One Date is only going to be available till the end of today. Tonight, a little bit after midnight, we shut the doors.

If you’re IN, you’re IN. You’ve got One Date, and you can study as fast as you want or as slow as you want; you’re completely at your leisure.

If you’re not in though... well, you’re going to have to make do without. So watch the video, and get your copy of One Date now: