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Mindsets

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Know Thyself: Breaking Free of Past and Present

George Russell's picture

If you want to move to the next level with women, you need to know a lot about them.

You need to know what piques their interest, what makes them comfortable, what turns them on, and what keeps them coming back for more.

But it’s not enough to know women. You need to know yourself.

know-thyself-pt1

This article is the first of two articles that focus on knowing yourself. In this article, I’m going to convince you that self-knowledge is a powerful tool for attracting women, both in the short term and the long term.

Then I’m going to point out a couple of areas where you might be neglecting your pursuit of self-knowledge.

It’s certainly not all abstract, philosophical, and ivory-tower. You could be neglecting something that has huge consequences for your romantic prospects.

5 Tools for Obliterating Suppression and Anxiety

Cody Lyans's picture

A lot of guys who ask for help with women suppress the value of the advice they receive in order to avoid a tender issue. In this article I am going to discuss the tendency to suppress new information in order to continue with old habits and the unconscious anxiety that fuels this behavior.

suppression

It is about how suppressive behaviors empower anxiety into a chronic problem and inflate the ego so you never want to LEAVE.

How Your Self-Perception Can Make or Break Your Night

Darius Bright's picture

Early in my “career” I noticed a rather peculiar phenomenon – when I was out with guys (and gals) who saw me as a sort of master seducer (usually due to a combination of my image, behavior, and, occasionally, seeing my previous successes), I would find myself performing much better with women. Every single part of the seduction dance would become noticeably easier without any additional conscious effort on my part.

self-perception1

Would you like to guess why this happens?

Sure, being in a good mood because you’re hanging out or meeting people you like plays a significant role, and an occasional comment like “Oh yeah, he’s very experienced in bed” said jokingly in a group setting does its job to create a reputation of someone who knows what he’s doing.

But that’s not it; the change that makes the biggest impact turns out to be in our head.

You see, when I hang out with people who already see me as someone who’s successful with women and expect me to act like that, it puts a certain positive pressure and, in a way, makes it socially okay, even expected, to act sexually.

In turn, I would find myself assuming the role of a sexy guy who pulls women left and right, which, as we’ll learn later in the article, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy – cool, right?

Note that this is happening almost exclusively in our head and, more often than not, without conscious interference – a change in self-perception based on the environment.

How to Tell Whether It’s Good Advice or Bad

Alek Rolstad's picture

You have probably read a lot of posts online where different websites share conflicting ideas. Ideas and techniques you get from one place do not match the ideas you read somewhere else. In fact, you might have even read two different theories or techniques here on girlschase.com that conflict with each other. That is not unexpected.

In this post, I will discuss how you should approach this issue when you encounter it in order to make it all less confusing for you.

conflicting-advice

The Genuine Man, Part 7: The Introspective Man

Hector Castillo's picture

Welcome back to the journey, gentlemen.

So far, we’ve covered:

Now I’m going to teach you the single most important tool in becoming a genuine man.

Introspection.

introspection

To make any profitable progress on this path, you gotta inspect that intro. There is no exception to this. I stress the importance of introspection from more than just personal experience; every cool guy I know in my life is extremely reflective and usually quite intelligent (read: you can train intelligence).

If you find yourself wasting mental cycles on frivolity and never dedicate your time to scanning your mind for flaws that hinder the progress of your skills, genuity will never be reached. You cannot Helen Keller your way to success with women or any other pursuit in life.

For as many constantly improving superstars I know, I can name twenty more guys with amazing intelligence, skills with women, charm, and good looks, who squander their potential. They spend years recycling unproductive mental and behavioral habits that don’t bring them anywhere close to the dreams they’ve told me about. If they instead challenged their own beliefs they would find them inefficient at best, and inhibiting at worst.

Don’t be that guy. Chew on everything I teach you, or anything you read from any other author on this site. The best way I’ve found to truly evaluate an idea?

First, accept it like it’s been bequeathed upon you from the gods of seduction and debauchery.

And then rabidly test its efficiency.

Let’s get concrete.

Why Sucking with Women Might be Good for You

Darius Bright's picture

I wonder how many of you fellow sexy men can identify with being a “hard case”? For how many of you is learning seduction, becoming a better, sexier man, and getting better with women not just a way to “have more control over your sex life”, but also a vital necessity, because otherwise “settling down” in the evening would be beyond your reach?

How many of you found this site not after a bad break-up (or several) but because you’ve never even had someone to have a bad break-up with in the first place?

When I first started on this path I was like that – completely, utterly terrible with women and seemingly beyond repair. So much so, that it took me YEARS just to get that first lay.

I remember thinking how much I hated the fact that I was struggling with something that came naturally to others.

Even though I had one friend at the time who impressed me immensely with his sexual conquests, his results were so far from my reality that even in my wildest dreams I couldn’t imagine that one day I’d be in a position where, like him, sex was just a few text messages and a drink or two away. Or that I’d compete with another natural buddy for the same women in bars (for mutual self-amusement) and be the one taking them home more often than not.

No, during those early years I would’ve sold my soul just to be “normal”; to find a nice, simple girl, who would like me (alright, who are we kidding, I would’ve settled with “tolerate me”); one who I could treat like a princess and be monogamous with. I had those fantasies despite knowing full well that it wouldn’t work long-term and that I would never feel fulfilled being monogamous; restrained.

suck with women

But for me even this “Plan B” was not in the cards.

It’s funny, but looking back, I consider myself to be very fortunate to not even have had the option to succumb to this temptation. Or, simply said, being completely terrible with women was one of the best things that happened in my life, as it pushed me not to resort to the seductive mistress that is mediocrity.

I’ll be frank – with this article my goal is not to teach you anything in particular, maybe just show a different way to look at your current circumstances.

This article is meant to motivate, to keep you going after a night out or a date when nothing really worked and you’re lying in your bed, lonely and wondering how much more wonderful life would be if only you could be “like normal guys” or if you “had a nice girlfriend” (or something similarly silly).

This article is also going to be very personal, as I will share some of the most embarrassing moments from my learning process and how “taking a beating” early resulted in disproportionate rewards later in life.

And in the same regard, I would like this article to be a sort of introduction. You’ve probably already seen my articles on becoming physically sexy (fashion, grooming), but the stories I’m about to share will set the context for some of the articles I will be writing in the future, and you’ll be able to have a better understanding of my background, my style, the way I do things, and, in turn, decide if that’s something you want for yourself or if maybe another author’s style is more suitable to you.

The Genuine Man, Part 6: A Lover Of Women

Hector Castillo's picture

Welcome back to the path, folks. We’re making good progress.

So far in this series we’ve covered:

lover of women

And in the most recent article we examined a host of poisonous beliefs about women and how we knowingly or unknowingly cultivate these beliefs. It’s vital that you find any beliefs like this within yourself and, even more importantly, realize how they’re hindering your progress with women and your satisfaction in your relationships with them.

Egomania, the Blindness You Were Born Into

Cody Lyans's picture

We are all infected.

The Walking Dead is one of the most popular TV-series in the world right now. It is a show about survivors of a zombie apocalypse and their struggle to stay alive... at least on the surface. However, underneath all the blood and gore is actually a show about egos and the stress we feel when things in life don’t go as planned (as usually is the case). One of the strongest themes underlying the show is growth of egomaniacal characters in their quest to “survive”.

egomania

The show brings up questions that draw a fine line between what it takes to survive and what it means to go too far. The show is just a fiction, but part of its appeal is that it reflects a lot of people’s concerns and struggles with the question of “what is really necessary?” and “what is egomaniacal?”

One of the main concepts of the show is “we are all infected”, which we can translate roughly to: we are all one mistake or slip away from becoming someone else’s nightmare. If we give up, quit, become a burden, choose an easy path to “survival”, we become the problem for the few left who haven’t.

Are we takers? Or do we walk the line?

Well, for those of you who don’t watch the show, don’t worry, I only bring it up because the topic of this article is egomania, and the famous line “we are all infected” is a good starting point for discussing it.

The number one problem beginners and intermediate guys have with seduction is that they believe they are immune to egomania and don’t need to address it. You think you couldn’t possibly be a bad guy and so never consider that it’s quite possible you are.

Beginners complain and whinge and cry about how THEY are special, about how THEY are the exception to every rule, because they are overwhelmed and surprised by the sheer aggressiveness of reality and how HARD it bitch slaps them into taking responsibility onto their shoulders.

Guys will resort to anything to avoid real improvement:

  • Ask a girl they only sort of like to marry them
  • Abandon responsibilities as a decent dad and become a drunk
  • Avoid women entirely and resort to a porn oasis to get by

Our mistakes often aren’t THAT drastic, normally it is a bit of cynicism here, a few nasty edged decisions there, and an indulgence on occasion that screws over someone you don’t know now and then.

You figure, “Hey? What is the harm?” and you get into the habit of sucking, until one day a responsibility is too big, and BAM, you become the bad guy you swore you never would be.

Egomania is a real thing and you START OFF infected.

The Genuine Man, Part 5: How to Not Hate Women

Hector Castillo's picture

Welcome back to the journey! Hope you enjoyed the loving in the last article.

So far, we’ve covered:

  • In Part 1: how to become arrogant and eradicate fear

  • In Part 2: the myth of the heartless player and the risks of arrogance

  • In Part 3: how to cultivate humility and temper arrogance

  • In Part 4: how to love people, learn from them, and take responsibility for others’ feelings

Before we start to develop a healthy love for women, we’re going to identify the venomous thoughts we have about them... because all these things are deep, entrenched obstacles to happy relationships, a stable psyche, and true, breakout, to-the-rooftops-good success.

hate women

Having a Positive Outlook vs. Solving Every Little Detail

Cody Lyans's picture

As men, we often want to solve every little detail when it comes to women, especially when we are feeling cynical (when we don’t try in life). You don’t think you deserve it, you don’t want to hear confirmation that you suck, you just want to stay deaf, dumb, and blind. How can things ever work out unless you hold the MAGIC answers? How can you ever be good enough unless you can prove it? How can you progress at all if you don’t know everything there is to know?

Positive Outlook

You think you are doomed because you don’t know it all, and so you want all the details; you want to have it all figured out ahead of time. But what if I told you, the details will only get you to the fight. What if I told you that the fight you will then enter will suck and hurt, and all your obsessive planning will be minimally useful from this point on. Would you still rush to know it all, knowing it will only get you out of the frying pan and into the fire?

Sometimes we feel so compelled towards our desire for solutions and the truth that we cannot help but feel the allure of being a cynic, at least temporarily. So in this article I am going to explain to you why positivity is more valuable than every little detail about something you can find... and we’ll also discuss why it’s such an important tool to master and practical applications of it in our dating lives.