Mindsets

Note from Chase: this article was written by Alek in response to questions from several commenters. It is a clarification by Alek on his style; on why his material is angled the way it is; and on the difference between his advanced material and the motivation behind it from material geared more toward beginners and intermediates. Onward.

Learning to open girls, having some conversation skills, and being able to seduce a girl with your touch and eye contact and then lead her to a seduction location and close the deal is the blueprint to getting laid. It works fine and people get results from it (including me). These basics are all you really need in order to attract and seduce women. You don’t really need advanced techniques to get laid.

Some of the writers here at Girls Chase are only discussing the basics – as that is all they apply infield. For example, our dear Halvor Jannike has a more than satisfactory sex life, and when he goes out he only uses basic seduction techniques. He is not very talkative, so his seduction skills are mostly nonverbal. His style, his touch, and his eye contact are his tools. He knows how to lead an interaction from social to sexual. There’s nothing fancy about his style, but it works for what he’s looking for.

You can never work enough on your fundamentals, and that is why we will never stop posting about basic seduction concepts here, as they are your foundation. However, if you have goals that go beyond the usual, advanced techniques are often required.

In “Locating Good Low Competition Sexual Markets", a reader writes in asking about the desire to show off:

“Hey, Chase,

I would like to see your article on desire to show off. I have such problem in me that usually I want to be seen as awesome and seek for approval, but it is something that really fucks up with my goals, because I forget my stuff to do and chase approval of peers and girls instead. Such situation where I get flaky girls not responding, or rejections actually bothers me a lot and is extremely painful and I feel so stuck in seeking validation, so I’m insecure and this off putting, I know. Any thoughts?”

The desire to be impressive; it’s one that almost every man has to some degree or another.

Some of us have it on a grand scale, while others only have a tiny drop of it; but if no one cared about being powerful and letting all the world know it, action movies (and tales and stories) where the guy gets to save the day wouldn’t be nearly so popular in our time and times past, and dreams of becoming a star or celebrity would be far less common dreams to dream.

Yet, the desire to be impressive can lead us to some pretty ignominious ends:

• Crippling approach anxiety because we fear looking the opposite of impressive if we approach her and come off poorly or are rejected

• Inaction when we should take action, because we don’t want to risk making the wrong move, looking bad, and messing it all up, all of this leading to missed escalation windows and expired attraction

• A tendency for a great many men to require liquid courage before they’re even ready to start approaching, and a much easier time approaching anonymously in dark, crowded nightclubs (where it’s harder, the competition is fiercer, and the overall quality is lower) than on the street in broad daylight (where it’s easier, the competition is nil, and the overall quality is great)

• Valuing reactions over results, because buddies or disciples are far more impressed by hopped up antics that get girls clapping and screaming than they are by subdued conversation... even if that latter is more likely to lead to a girl in your bed
  

Plus all number of other success saboteurs.

How do we deal with being a showoff then – do we suppress it, or can we use it?

Note from Chase: this is a reflection piece by Alek on the redeeming qualities of the “be yourself” advice that I discussed as often harmful and distracting in my piece on it a few years back – primarily, Alek uses the phrase to discuss the importance of congruence.

The most famous dating advice there is “Just be yourself.” Often times, when men ask women for advice, this is the answer they receive. But does this advice have any desirable effects?

Most of us would say no. Good men have tried to be themselves without getting any results. Many of us would say that “just be yourself” is terrible advice, because it doesn’t tell us anything about what women are actually attracted too, nor does it inform us of any specific ways to attract them.

And then you have site like Girls Chase that give you guidance on how to seduce women. Without being arrogant, the huge amount of information on this site (and other similar sites) makes mainstream dating advice look like crap.

But is there any truth in “just being yourself”? In my opinion there is, and that’s what this post will be exploring. Keep reading and you might find some revealing facts. This one’s for all men dedicated to seduction.

Throughout this article I will discuss the two general attitudes I see men taking towards women in the seduction community along with which one I think is most beneficial for you in the long run. Those of you who regularly read my work at Girls Chase already know that I believe the full, mature potential of a young man goes far beyond his prowess with the ladies – and this article will follow that same vein: of being a better man; the best man you can be, and creating the life you truly wish to live for yourself.

We could easily separate the two major styles of seduction into the following categories: Combative and Cooperative. They involve different mindsets, drastically different actions, different follow-ups, and wildly different consequences.

I will give examples of both, but first let us begin with the big-picture frame of each.

Note before we get started: this one’s more for intermediate and up guys who are running into this issue. For guys who are beginners, stick with treating your interactions with women more “mechanistically” and breaking them down into bite-sized pieces and goals you’re trying to accomplish and milestones you’re trying to pass – you’ll learn a lot faster that way. Think of this article as “switching to natural... once you’re already fairly good.”

A reader named Robert writes in:

“I have a question, hope you guys can answer it for me!

I have pretty solid game, can get girls, move things forwards etc.. etc...

Where I stumble is in my own experience of the whole interaction-  MY attraction to HER! Is it because I’m not going for hot enough girls? I’ll get super turned on when the situation is still unclear, and sex is not guaranteed. But then once I am pretty sure it’s gonna happen, I will lead her to it, but my arousal is wayyy less than earlier/before the interaction.

My thoughts are I should try to escalate as I feel the tension, in slow, somewhat intense and subtle ways... focusing more on the vibe and staying with it. Or perhaps convince myself that sex is not guaranteed yet? Or is this a sign that I am simply trying to pump my own ego, and the attraction isn’t real to begin with?”

Ah, yes. An all too common issue of the developing seducer: why does reaching the point where she’s ready to go to bed with you kill all your interest in the sex?

The instant it’s unequivocally clear that yes, she DOES want to go to bed with you, and WILL go to bed with you – POOF! All the crazy desire you had to go to bed with her up until that point just vanishes.

Where did it go, and why does this happen?

Have you ever just had a bad night?

One of those nights where everything you want to happen just doesn’t materialize, and as a result you get pulled into this space where everything you do is some how miscalculated and wrong?

One of those nights where afterwards you shake your head and feel like “What the hell was that!?”

Well, I have good news: it gets better, and the better you get the more you avoid these nights.

There are things you pick up along your journey that help you avoid getting washed out like this, and I thought I’d share some things I’ve noticed to help you avoid some of the discomfort when things aren’t going all that well.

It’s forever been the mark of the man who’s reached the highest pinnacle of skill with women: a comfort, ease, and naturalness with them that few other men possess.

This comfort, ease, and naturalness extends to all sorts of women, too: quiet and inexperienced women, vivacious and dynamic women, temptresses and seductresses and nerdy schoolgirls alike.

And it even extends to bitches.

You know, those women whom most men chase after only until they catch them nose turning up toward their advances, then turn away in disgust and say, “I don’t like girls like her anyway.”

The beautiful ones, or even the not-so-beautiful ones, who nevertheless know how to make themselves seem to rank among the elite.

And what’s more... what’s truly inspiring or consternating to the ordinary man looking on (depending on whether he roots for his fellow man or wishes only to vanquish him)... is that, quite often, even the “bitches” love the lover of women right back.

Why is this so? What is it about this man that turns the women inaccessible to most men into playful, purring kittens?

And is this pinnacle one attainable by those more ordinary men who wish to summit it?