Mindsets

Note from Chase: this is our first article from Mateo Navarrete – my old J.V. partner from way back in the day when GirlsChase.com received 200 visits a month and we used to offer live seminars and in-field coaching in San Diego, California in 2009. Mateo’s a former car company spokesman and present day owner of Live the Knight Life matchmaking services in S.D., and he’s one of the more positive, optimistic, and contagiously inspiring people you’ll meet. Take it away, Mateo..!

When was the last time you felt awkward around a girl to whom you were attracted?

I don’t mean to call you out; we’ve all been there.

Instead, I simply want us to think about what it was exactly that made us uncomfortable in that particular situation.

Blistering snow whips at your face. Your skin slowly cracks and numbs by the moment. And with every step, your body begs you to slow down and rest for just a moment…

But if you stop, you die.

Your tribe was just exterminated in a raid and you’re the only one who escaped. All that remains is you and your will.

No one is here to save you.

You are all alone.

Recognizing your desolation and loneliness, water pours from your eyes, granting everything in your sight a glow that you hadn’t noticed before this moment.

Intrigued by the perspective, you stop, disregarding your impending death, and observe your surroundings.

Despite the truth that your life has been stripped to pieces and everything is rapidly killing you, you drink in the world with no prejudice.

Curious, you stick out your tongue and taste the tears and the snow. Just the same. Just water.

You notice that, while the cold hurts, it’s just a feeling. Yes, slightly less satisfying than the warmth of your campfire and the embrace of your former lover, but, nonetheless, still just a feeling.

The fear slowly fades – you recognize that the “world” is just a lot of individual elements reacting on their own to the rest of the elements, no different from you.

A smile creeps upon your lips.

The rest of existence is just as lonely as you are.

Purpose fills you, and you resolve to continue walking.

The cold air still stings, and the tears continue to roll down your cheeks, but your sly grin propels you to a nearby grove of trees where, for one more night, you choose to persist in this life.

The vast majority of people in the world operate under the belief that they are good enough. Since birth we’ve been fed ideas that we are perfect just the way we are. Doesn’t matter if you’re skinny, fat, awkward, or have a bad temper; it’s just your personality, and you can’t just change that. After all, we’re all unique – all 9 billion of us – which leads to the conclusion that there is at least one person who will love us unconditionally: our soul mate.

But, if I’ve found you here, reading these words, it implies that you understand that love – real, passionate, sex-driven love – is not the same variety of unconditional love that you receive from your mother. There’s something different about it.

Women aren’t going to want to sleep with you because they see you as their soul mate, they are going to want to sleep with you because you are attractive. It’s because you lead them decisively towards the bedroom, not because you are her one and only special someone; not because you were destined to be together.

However, understand this as you may, there is a chance that this knowledge has fooled you into being something that you are not. Those ideas that we’re consistently fed that we are good enough are hard to let go of, and in the face of action we often would rather make up lies to make us feel as though we are that attractive man who can lead decisively.

Which, in the end, is just another way of saying you are perfect the way you are.

You bought into the idea without even meaning to.

In order to relinquish control of the little white lies that you tell yourself, you must actively wrestle control of your ego. Yes, your ego, because after all these years of messages that you are fine the way you are, you must understand that something in you has to change before you are to obtain the results you seek.

If only a woman just saw you better and gave you that chance to say your piece you would have the time and motivation to do your best, right?

We all like to think we are pretty handy, when push comes to shove. We think that if we throw ourselves into something head first or are given the opportunity we will knock it out of the park. Sadly, the reality is that often we choke or let the opportunity pass us by out of a fear of failure. We don’t capitalize on opportunities, and we often even discourage them, treating them like annoyances to be purged instead of chances to grow.

We enjoy thinking of ourselves as champions who will come out on top at the moment of truth, but the reality is usually much more awkward, and the solutions are somewhat unavailable to ordinary perception at first glance, so we try to bury those opportunities instead of trying to grasp them.

No one likes feeling awkward or blind, so we try to suppress our fears of failure through negotiation. It gives an illusion of sophistication or thoughtfulness that is socially accepted. In certain cultures and time periods it is extremely prevalent; arranged marriages, cultural dress, duties, etc. And it is all arranged in a way that takes certain social status away from the woman to limit her options in order to make her more pliable. We forget that it is affecting her life in a negative way to unsuccessfully enhance our own.

Many men who learn seduction get to the level where they get laid, but very few reach their full potential. Why is that so and what can we do about it?

This article is only directly relevant for intermediates and up, but I would still recommend everyone read it. Knowledge about potential future traps enables people to avoid them in advance and do fewer stupid things to themselves and others in the future.

Note from Chase: this is our first article from Ethan Fierre, the man in charge of the editing team here at Girls Chase. You might hear ‘editor’ and imagine a nerdy, bookworm-ish type, however Ethan is anything but – he’s vibrant, dynamic, and full of crazy tales about women he’s bedded from the U.S., Russia, and more. For his first piece here, he’ll be talking about how to learn and progress with seduction faster. Here’s Ethan.

Working on any skill-set will inevitably sometimes be a grind, and seduction is no exception; sometimes you just wish there were easier ways to get to the level you want to be at. This is likely why you turn to sites like this one in the first place: you are trying to speed up you growth curve by learning from those who are at a higher level than you in the area you’re targeting.

In seduction there are a number of strategic changes you can make where the marginal gain per unit effort is high. That means that you put in a minimal amount of effort while gaining maximum returns.

What are these strategic changes?

That is what we’ll be talking about today: basic strategic changes that will dramatically increase your conversion rate (going from the initial meet to the bedroom and onward) for beginner and intermediate seducers.

But first, an aside: depending on where you’re at on your growth curve, your strategy will necessarily be different.

For example, someone who is just learning about seduction will probably want to be approaching a lot of people all the time, while someone who is more skilled will find less use in that practice and will instead improve faster by focusing on other things, like the relationships they already have or their reputations.

Because of this, I have organized this post into two sections:

1. One for beginners and
2. One for intermediate players (journeymen)

If you don’t know where you stand, you can take this test to find out.

Remember: knowing where you’re at now compared to where you were when you began and where you’re aiming to be in the future is important to keep in mind if you are to steadily make progress. You don’t want to be targeting goals that are too easy for you, but you also don’t want to be aiming for things that feel unattainable, as that will discourage instead of encourage you. So, keeping that in mind, let’s dive in.

In “When to Throw the Ball into Her Court (and When Not To)”, a reader writes:

“You have some vague guides on believing certain things as well as some articles on what you should believe. You have some important ideas like independence and having conviction spread out throughout your site. What your website really lacks though is a guide to psychological strength. What it is, how you get it, why its more important then fundamentals (or at least as important). Many of your articles peripherally address this concept. What do I mean though by psychological strength? A great question, I’m glad you asked. I love concision so I’m going to describe it in two words. Irreverence and identity. I believe that true leadership and independence only comes from uprooting everything that influenced you in your past. Deconstructing your beliefs. Consciously assessing all your beliefs and finally replacing your previously held beliefs with new ones. These new beliefs are what give you conviction in your life. You form a new belief in yourself, a self-concept, self-respect, and self-adoration. Finally leading to self-actualization. It starts with irreverence and a challenging mentality of everything and finishes with an identity.
Ciao”

I have considered writing on this topic before, but shied away from it because I honestly don’t think it’s something that most people aspire to.

It’s also not something I have consciously learned to any degree, which makes me skeptical of its teachability – I don’t generally like talking about things that in my case are more natural ability than they are adopted qualities.

However, I suppose it’s at least worth having up for anyone curious for curiosity’s sake, so heck... why not talk about it.

Caveats out of the way then, allow me to present the psychological qualities of irreverence, personal conviction, and psychological independence – and how you perhaps may develop them if you choose to.