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There’s
a variety of reasons why women walk away from a conversation. Could be
they’re bored. Could be they’re feeling uncomfortable. Could be they
don’t think you like them or that you’re making fun of them too much or
too hard. Could be their friends are pressuring them to go.
But whatever the reason, it’s in your best interest NOT to let them leave. They eject, leave, and walk away, and chances are you will never see them again. So yes, you can let them go, and tell yourself, “Well, I didn’t like that girl all that much anyway,” or, “No worries, there are plenty of fish in the sea.”
OR, you can put up a fight, and do what needs to be done to get her to stay. A guy who’s even somewhat seasoned can use the extra two, five, or ten minutes he gets from stopping an ejecting girl to turn things around, get her investing more, and get her feeling differently about him than she was before. If you do things right, you can correct all kinds of issues.
That’s what this post is about. Stopping women from ejecting. Getting them to stay. Giving yourself that second chance after you’ve messed things up because hey, we all do. Nobody shoots a hole-in-one every time he tees off.
So, that said, here are some tools you can use to stop them in their tracks and get them sticking around. Keep in mind that stopping them from leaving and getting them to stay is, in fact, getting a pretty big chunk of compliance out of them too, which does all kinds of good things for your cause. Let’s take a look.
Comments
some doubts
Great blog, but there's something confusing me about this article:
I've read this entry right after the one which says "keep your cool: don't chase women" and I don't get it... hanging on to women when it's clear they want to escape and have had enough of you, is it not like you're chasing them?
Telling(begging?) them not to leave for two minutes more, is it not like being somewhat needy?
Also “Well, we’re going to go,” “Yeah, it’s way too loud in here. Let’s go outside.”; following her around when it's clear she wants to move away from you, is it not like chasing her around and possibly making a fool of yourself? If she's "going to go" and didn't invite you to follow her, then should you really? If that was her escape and you're ruining it by following her, she's soon gonna see you as a nuisance and as that guy you really can't get rid of, no matter how you tell him you've got to the ladie's room.
Is it not contradictory to both the abundance mindset and chasing kills attraction topic?
Of course you suggest she is escaping from the situation (loud music?) not from you. But if she really were to not like the situation but still likes you, I think she would be a little more warm and inviting than "well, we're gonna go get drinks now, see ya". She might have said something more like "oh time for some drinks, we're gonna go over there, you wanna join us?". To me that sounds more like a girl who wants to change situation but wants to keep you.
Of course I'm no expert here, I'm just trying to make sense of it all and trying to understand something which sounds contradictory to me.
I understand that some persistence is necessary and may pay off since you won't be the guy who gets discouranged that easily; but on the other hand why then, in "don't chase women" it isn't reasonable to be persistent in other cirtumstances, like dating? I mean if you're the one who keeps instisting that she stays two more minutes, you could also be the guy who keeps trying to get her in bed even though it didn't happen by second date. Why is it that different?
I'd be more than happy to have someone explain me what am I missing here.
cheers
This isn't chasing
You should take into account the girl's possible insecurity in the situation and the dynamics of personality.
Some girls like to leave on a high note or are afraid they might make or already have a fool of themselves, just as much as men are known to do. In other cases some aren't assertive or at a level of social awareness to even think of inviting you when they're leaving. And of course there are the women who are tired of doing all the work and are looking for dominance.
This is a catch all for those types of women. Its about being warm and inviting, yet dominantly communicating "Hey you don't have to duck out like that, I still like you, lets keep this going"
If you're being observant of her body language and looking out for attraction signals you'll know if you're wasting your time with the exercise or not
also i think that the whole
also i think that the whole "else you can kick me in the shin part" makes it seem as your "effort" is made casual, thus abbiding by the great law. The Law of Least Effort
Lol im really loving this site
clear your doubt
we look needy and creepy, if we text her 3 times a day! but when we hang out 3 times in a week is not needy! but make sure you have good reason to go out with her, and make it as natural as possible! but my point is women don't like BS or just words , they prefer with real action! i.e confident!
even at first they don't like us, in the end if we keep persistent and make real deal, they will start to believe! that's why most of long distance relationship will not last forever!
and that's why even iam not good looking I still get beautiful girls since I am keep persistent to chase with real action!
my point is needy or creepy if you don't do anything! but if we do something girls love it!
if you don't believe me just try and test it out and see the different!
watch or stare girls boobs and imagine if you grab it! believe it or not you'll look creepy!
but if you just touch it and say nice racks! believe it or not they will slap your face! ;) but, they will think differently about you! :)
anyway its just an example! don't do this okay! cause you get jail for doing this! :D lol
Ps, if they don't like for what we do! just tell her, okay I will stop! and say sorry! and move on to other girls! ( I am not talking about grabbing a boobs, I mean about approaching a girls) watch and see after a week or month! believe it or not, they will start to be nice with you! but of course after doing some real action!
I can honestly say I hate it
I can honestly say I hate it when I have to go, and a guy will try and keep me around for a bit longer.
If I have to go, it means I have other places to be, regardless of how much I like talking to the guy in question. I've slotted a specific amount of time for him, and his whining is only making him look clingy. I'll stick around -once- to appease the guy, but it generally makes me more annoyed than attracted to him on a whole.
You had better have some DAMN good reason to keep me around if you're telling me to put my life on hold for another few minutes for you. And that's yet to be the case.
I agree with Jul.
It is contradicting and a bit confusing. While Chase does say in the article that you should make sure she's leaving because of the situation and not you, I think that it would be pretty tough to change things with this little 'overtime' you've bought yourself. Eliek02 made some good points, but those situations seem more like the exception to the rule, than the rule.
It doesn't seem alpha to me to try to make a girl stay longer. In fact, I would almost never try, out of general principle. I'm a man and I don't need this woman to stay with me and keep me company. I can just go find another. She's the one missing out. Is this the wrong mentality?
I can only really see this working if your game is completely on point and you're operating especially smooth that night. But then again, she wouldn't have been leaving if your game was on, right?
On telling women to stay...
Depends on your time horizons here, fellas.
What happens is most guys don't persist in the short term with women they're never going to see again, and let those women vanish into the night, but DO persist in the LONG term, to the effect of handing women they're seeing continuously all the cards. That's exactly the opposite of what they should be doing to get maximum results with women.
Think of it like this: in the short term, you're effectively a door-to-door salesman who's never going to cover the same territory twice. That is, when you're talking about getting together with a girl you'll never see again, if you give up with a door shut in your face, then you've lost a sale. The salesman who performs finds a way to not get the door shut and instead closes the sale.
Over the long term, you're more like a luxury goods salesperson at a retail location. Buyers are going to come in multiple times, and the moment you chase, you cheapen the brand.
Telling a woman to come with you doesn't always work in the short term. But it produces much better outcomes than accepting her decision when her decision is that the door is shut.
As Robin notes, a girl might not LIKE it if you tell her to stay when she said she was going to go - but if you're never going to see her again, and she's about to leave, and you DO like her, you'd better to whatever you can to up your chances. This has nothing to do with abundance mentality - it has to do with efficiency. It takes three seconds to tell a girl, "Sit with me for five more minutes, then you can go," yet it can very well make the difference in how your night ends (e.g., alone with her, rather than looking for someone else instead and starting over from scratch).
Chase
This is how a true master reply
this replay was truly elightning chase, again you've show us that you're true master seducer. thanks for your kindness.
I suggest this reply is added
I suggest this reply is added to the main article as some people do not usually read comments and it is an important point to clarify, also in the future it will be very good to always clarify when a tactic or mindset is more useful for a girl you will never see again vs a social circle girl/ girl you will see again almost for sure.
Telling them to stay
I enjoyed reading this article and the controversy it has sprong. Tho I must agree with Chase. Success comes to the man who continually seizes to try.
If your concerned about being needy or you think your "chasing" too much, just merge Chase's two ideologies together.
1. Persistance is key, but there is a fine line between being charming and annoying.
2. "What im (ie you) doing is about 8000 times more fun than ABC Bar. THIS is where the party is. Stay here / come here.” This can be a helpful mentality when convincing her to stay.
Merging these ideas works every time. Just keep in mind "The Law of Least Effort" Chase explained in his other article. In my opinion, if you have to ask more than three times for her to stay your pushing your luck.
Missing The Point
I think some of you are missing the point and I definitely have to agree with Chase on this issue. There is a difference between what you do in a specific instance and what you do consistently or in the long haul.
In the short run, if you know you will never see her again, and you do nothing to stop her from leaving, than you will lose her and everything you have already invested into this girl.
In the Law of Least Effort we learn that the effort you put toward a girl should be seemingly effortless, but that does not mean that there was no real effort put forward. Regardless of the appearance, there is always some amount of time and effort invested in a girl.
That being said, if you evaluate your options by weighing risk against reward, you might find the decision is rather simple.
Option 1: Do nothing, let the girl leave, never see the girl again, zero reward for time and effort invested.
Option 2: Invest one more minute of time in an effort to salvage the time and effort already invested and end up with the girl you like.
Understanding that this will not always work, worst case scenario you lose one more minute of time, which is more than likely an acceptable risk when weighed against the time and effort you have already invested. This should hold true in almost every situation, unless the girl is trying to leave you within the first few minutes of meeting you. If this is the case, you probably have a few more important areas of opportunity that you can work on, other than "not seeming clingy".
That being said, without even thinking about it or searching for the number of times this has worked for me, I have one instance that jumps to the front of my mind.
I was literally thousands of miles away from home when I met a girl out by the pool in the hotel I was staying at. It started out as bunch of my friends and a couple of hers. It ended up being down to just the two of us left. At about 3 a.m. she decided it was getting late and she was gonna go.
I had not read any of Chase's articles and had no idea what I was doing but I did manage to salvage the situation by asking her to stay in a flirtatious manner while throwing in a little bit of humor. The couple minutes I asked her for turned into 20-30 minutes. After that, we ended leaving the pool area and going back to my room.
What happened (Not in the room, that's obvious)????
I was truly enjoying her company and I really liked her, but I did not know how to close the deal and I had never had a 1 night stand. I did not want to let her go so I kept her interested as long as I could. She was obviously interested in me but did not want to make the first move. The night had to end sometime, and I almost lost my window of opportunity. Luckily for me, I asked for a couple more minutes that actually turned into about 20-30 minutes and provided me with enough time to get the courage to ask her back to my room.
It took less than a minute for me to convince her to stay, and the return on that investment was definitely worth it. I had a great night and we are still pretty good friends through text message and fb.
RB
This is what helped me...
If you read this article (especially from a ladies perspective) I understand it may come across a tad 'needy', 'clingy', or whatever else you were thinking. Personally though I read it in a young Sean Connery accent and couldn't help but feel it would work! Sure things like this have their risks, especially when you know all the suckers are the one's usually begging a girl for time/attention. But that's what you might be associating it with: past experiences of doing this/trying this/watching it happen to another and seeing it fail..
But imagine it how I did for a second... A Sean Connery styled man walks up to girl. Every word seems fun, exciting, sexual and enjoyable! Then she goes to leave and he requests she stay with a cheeky smile written across his face. Now if you saw that happen in front of you...would you still be thinking 'jeez...this guy is clingy!'
Well that's the way my brain works, enjoy!
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