You and Your Game Attract a Certain Kind of Girl

You attract the women you’ve tailored yourself to attract. But that’s not all: the women you do well with tailor you further still.

I’ve talked about this over the years in various articles. However, it’s worth giving its own proper treatment, if only to make sure everyone who reads here gets this message.

There are some girls who are going to like you more. Some girls who will like you a lot more. And there are some girls who are going to be less excited by you.

Who these girls are is determined by two (2) things:

1. You (and your fundamentals), and
2. Your game
   

If you’re great with athletic girls who love the outdoors, for instance, you’ll tend to struggle a lot more with bookworm girls who are well-read and love to bury their noses in tomes. If you do awesome with alternative-scene girls from electronic dance clubs, you’ll usually struggle more with flashy, aloof girls at high-end nightclubs.

The better you are with one demographic of girls (i.e., the more you specialize), the worse you will tend to do with other, dissimilar demographics to her. Great fundamentals and game will take the edge off specialization (so the penalties for specializing are not as severe), but it never goes away completely.

Why should this be so?

I’m going to take you through the ‘why’s. Then, I’m going to help you decide what to specialize in... and whether to resist too much specialization and be a generalist instead.

Specialization in Girls: The Great Unbalancing

Think of a man who’s taken no steps to improve his attractiveness to women. Neither consciously nor subconsciously.

He has a certain default level of attractiveness, depending on things like looks, build, and natural personality. His upbringing, and how forward or direct he is versus how circumspect, his comfort with people, and things of this nature have a big impact as well. All of these things will make him more or less attractive in general. They will also make him more or less attractive to specific types of girls.

You might have a default ‘dumb, handsome jock’ look and personality. And you find that cheerleader-type girls fall all over themselves for you. But you struggle to get other-ethnic girls, or career-type girls, or flashy high status girls.

Or you might have a default ‘witty-but-nerdy bookworm’ look and personality. And you find nerdy bookworm girls fall all over themselves for you (even the cute ones!), but the cheerleader girls aren’t as interested. Et cetera.

When you begin to learn game and improve your fundamentals, you do this along a certain direction. You may not (and probably won’t) realize you’re specializing. But you are. Every guy specializes – it’s how you get good.

I say this as a guy who made a concerted effort to be generally good with girls. Despite my best efforts, I still specialized as I learned. I had better luck in some kinds of venues with some kinds of girls, so I went to those venues and talked to those girls more. The more I got laid and met awesome girlfriends at those venues and among those girls, the more I went to those places and talked to those girls. And the more I went those places, the more I conformed to their norms; the more I interacted with those girls, the more I adjusted myself to conform to their preferred kinds of guys.

Typically, you’ll specialize in girls who are your mirror:

• Girls who look like you
• Girls with similar backgrounds to you
• Girls with similar social lives to you
• Girls with similar life goals to you
  

The closer you get to a girl on these dimensions, the better you’ll do with her. The farther from her you get, the worse you’ll normally do.

The classic example in seduction circles is the Indian guy who wants to date American blondes. Indian men are raised in what are comparatively socially awkward settings, compared to Americans. They’re taught to focus exclusively on book learning and do not go out for sports or hang out with the boys. And quite often they remain in immigrant communities and do not well integrate.

Compare that to the average American blonde bombshell. She’s steeped in American culture, hangs out with Americans non-stop, hangs out with cool American guys (whom she likes), and has the apple pie American view that if it’s not from America it’s weird (and likely inferior).

Is it any wonder these two demographics are far from a match made in heaven?

Which is not to say it can’t happen. I know Indian guys who do great with blonde American bombshells. However, these are universally men who’ve worked very hard to specialize in this type of girl: they’ve integrated themselves into mainstream (‘cool’) American culture, surrounded themselves with male friends who are the type of guy these girls like to date, and rolled with social circles filled with cool guys and bombshells for years. Eventually they become so apple pie American in mannerisms and behavior it becomes no problem for them to get bombshells... But, on the other hand, for a lot of these guys, when they meet Indian girls now (or Indian family members), they are the black sheep. They are so clearly different, so “robbed of their heritage”, they no longer seem Indian.

The more you specialize in one direction, the more you sacrifice in other, dissimilar directions.

This is because specialization is all about making yourself conform to the likes, dislikes, and prejudices of the subsets of girl you want to excel with.

What Kind of Girl Should You Specialize In?

I have two recommendations for you, when it comes to specialization:

1. You should specialize in one type of girl it’s easy to hook up with

2. You should specialize in one type of girl who matches your ‘girlfriend ideal’

The first type is for fun, for getting your rocks off, and for amassing as much experience as possible, as fast as possible.

The second type is for finding and keeping great girlfriends who are incredible matches for you.

The reason you should seek to specialize in TWO (2) types is because these two likely shouldn’t be the same.

What most men do is they specialize in one type of girl. Typically for guys who get good with girls, this is whatever type of girl they hook up with most. You’ll see it time and again with skilled seducers: the girls they date in long-term relationships are the same girls they hook up with for short-term flings. The sole difference is their LTRs are with versions of these girls who are somewhat cuter, somewhat more personable, etc., than what they usually get.

That’d be fine if the type of girls you hook up with are your ideal, but most of the time they won’t be.

She’s not like the other girls.

I’ve seen it time and again with both friends and students... Loads of hooking up, and they’re having fun the whole way, until they end up with girls who are top tier for them in that demographic of girl. They settle into a relationship at that point. They’re never enthusiastic about the relationship. It’s a near-ubiquitous trend. I’ve yet to have a friend who hooks up a lot, then settles into a relationship with one of his hookup-type girls, and is overjoyed about it.

So my recommendation is that you split these two groups.

I’ll give you an example. Here’s how mine split:

• Hookups: for fast pickups and flings, I prefer sexy, flirtatious girls with great nonverbals and high social aptitude. Chase framing works great on these girls and they’re a lot of fun to seduce. They’re also easy to seduce, either because they’re very sexual with high sex drives, or because they act like they are and I hold them to it (commitment-consistency).

  Education and career, which are important for me with girlfriends, are irrelevant here; I do just as well with this type of girl whether she has a PhD or she never finished high school. Mood is irrelevant for me here too; if she’s upbeat or depressed, it doesn’t matter, so long as she’s fun with me while we’re together. It’s just a fling, not a life partnering. I’ll also compromise more on things like body (if her breasts aren’t that big, it’s okay) and ambition (if she’s content to live in her small town for the rest of her life, no biggie). These girls tend to have higher partner counts.
  

• Girlfriends: for long-term relationships, I take beautiful, upbeat, intelligent girls with good ambition, educations, and careers. Some of my standard seduction practices, like chase framing, do not work as well with the kinds of girls I want as girlfriends, while being sincere (but still with sexual nonverbals) tends to work great.

  The lack of flirting and sexuality, which would bore me and turn me off with a hookup prospect, doesn’t bother me here. These girls tend to have more book smarts and less social grace, though they still have razor sharp woman’s intuition (I can’t do the girls who have no intuition! They drive me too nuts). Mood is a much bigger factor for me here; I will not date girls who are downers. Education-wise, I exclusively date girls who have or are getting their Master’s degree or beyond. And career-wise I look for a practical, respectable career (like finance or architecture) with a decent income range. I pick girls with low to moderate partner counts for girlfriends, just because I don’t like sharing and lower partner girls give you less to worry about.
  

Now, I didn’t sit down and write out a list of “what I look for in a hookup vs. what I look for in a girlfriend” when I started out. In fact, that above is the most detailed I’ve ever written both of these out together (or thought about them!), to my recollection.

Instead, as I went out and met girls, I just had an instinct in my head that said, “There are three kinds of girls for me: girls I’d like to shag, girls I’d like to date, and girls it’s probably not going anywhere with but what the hey, I’ll try to shag them too.”

As I got progressively better with girls and accumulated more reference points, I found some of the girls I might’ve initially put into the “girls I’d like to date” category moved into the “girls I’d like to shag” category (because for whatever reason they didn’t make as good girlfriends, but were still fun to bed). I also discovered some girls from the “girls it’s probably not going anywhere with but what the hey, I’ll try to shag them too” category migrated to one of the other two categories as I took shots with them and happened to get them into bed or relationships.

At this point, my categories are pretty well set. But there’ll occasionally be some movement; I might break up with a girl and say, “Okay, girls with X trait I’m never going to date again, it’s just too much of an inconvenience,” or I might shag a type of girl I hadn’t traditionally focused on or done well with and say, “Huh. That girl was pretty fun to sleep with. I should do more girls like her,” and change her category.

So, much of this process is intuitive and gradual. As you gain more experience, you sift girls into increasingly more nuanced buckets. However, I suggest you keep the underlying dichotomy in mind: there are girls you want to hook up with, and girls you want to date, and they’ll tend to have different traits and features, and respond to somewhat different sorts of game.

(though of course, move fast with all of them. Treat every girl like she’s a girl you want to shag (because hopefully you do want to shag her), and once you’ve been in her you can shift her over into being a prospective girlfriend if you like)

How to be a Generalist

For all this talk of specialization, I’m still a pretty strong generalist with girls. You may (or may not) want to be, too. So, if it’s so easy to specialize, how do you become (or stay) a generalist who does well with a range of different sorts of girls?

There are a few keys to this:

1. Great fundamentals
2. Great game
3. Diverse reference points
   

I won’t cover fundamentals and game here (since the other writers and I cover them so extensively throughout the site) other than to say this: past a certain level of fundamentals/game, you stand so head-and-shoulders above most men in attractiveness that you’re able to overcome most stereotype handicaps with relative ease. At that point, you can be attractive to girls of completely opposite demographics to your target demographic(s), without sacrificing anything with your regular targets.

So let’s talk ‘diverse reference points’. All I mean by this is you meet, sleep with, and date a wide assortment of women, of a wide assortment of types, in a wide variety of different ways.

For example, careers:

• Girls who work retail post-college
• Girls who didn’t go to college
• Girls who are artists
• Girls who are gold diggers
  
• Girls who work professional careers
  
• Girls in early college who haven’t picked majors (i.e., life paths) yet
  

Or venues:

• Girls you meet on the street by day
• Girls you meet in a classroom
• Girls you meet in dive bars
• Girls you meet in nightclubs
• Girls you meet at the park or on the beach
• Girls you meet out shopping
  
• Girls you meet at cafés
• Girls you meet at the library
  
• Girls you meet at networking events
• Girls you meet in transit
  

Or personalities:

• Sexy, sultry minxes
• Valley girls (“Oh my God!”)
• Bombshells
• Athletic girls
• Outdoor girls
• Nerdy bookworms
• Artists
• Intellectuals
  
• World travelers

... or racial/national/cultural backgrounds. Or any number of other criteria.

What dating a diversity of different types of women you meet in different settings does is it permits you to learn how a wide variety of women act. What their differences are, what their similarities are.

This helps you avoid the blinders that most men (who only specialize in one or two different types of girls) have on. e.g., the guys who tell you, “All girls X!” when your reaction is, “Wait... but no girl I date does X,” are almost always men specializing in different kinds of girls than you are. They encounter one type of behavior; you encounter another.

Do you have to do this?

No, it’s not necessary. Being a generalist takes up a fair bit of time (steeper learning curve), and thus requires a lot more devotion to doing great with girls than most guys want to give the field. You don’t need to be a generalist to succeed with your preferred couple of niches.

However, if you value a more universal skill set with girls... Or you want to avoid the blinders and incomplete conclusions men come to when their experience is limited to isolated subsets of women... Or you want to broaden your palate of girls, and quite possibly encounter new flavors of woman you did not even realize you could enjoy... Then I recommend it.

You and Your Game Attracts a Certain Kind of Girl

Which girl you do best with depends on which girl you tailor yourself to match.

Remember: as you grow in your ability to sleep with and date more girls, it’s not just you affecting them more and more easily. They affect you, too. They train you – they train you to do certain things, behave in certain ways, and maintain your appearance to achieve certain looks.

The women you spend the most time with (or have the most luck with) nurture and direct you in ways you may not realize. They influence how you think about yourself, women, and relationships in general. But they also influence things like how you opt to spend your free time and what endeavors you embark on in the future.

If you surround yourself with women who think books are for nerds, you likely won’t do much reading. Just like if you surround yourself with women who read a lot of classic literature, you’ll get more into this too. Likewise if you find yourself with girls who exercise a lot, or girls who club and party a lot, or what have you.

Much of the time, your preferences in women begin as a little snowball rolling downhill, that pick up more snow as they go and accrue into a larger and larger snowball. Once you’ve been at it for a decade plus, you will have strong preferences in women (even if you strive to be a generalist).

So, be sure as you train yourself that you do so for the types of girls you want.

Best if you have separate categories for ‘girls I like to hook up with’ and ‘girls I like to date’. Though – and this is important – aside from some tweaks in what type of game you use, your overall approach should be largely the same (e.g., move fast, skip steps where you can skip steps, assume attraction, get investment, escalate when you can escalate, etc.).

In the end, you will get the kind of girls you have built yourself to get.

And those girls you do get will help build you to get more girls like them.

So, be judicious in your choices.

Chase Amante