Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Why do people get jealous about FWBs? It’s only casual, right? So… why get jealous feelings? There are two reasons why this happens: abundance and control.

A little while ago, I came across a forum thread where the poster discussed pangs of jealousy about what his promiscuous friend-with-benefits was up to in the two months he’s been out-of-town. He says:

I met a hot girl while traveling abroad a couple of months ago. We slept together 15-20 times. All the signs tell me she's the promiscuous type. We've kept in daily contact since I returned home 8 weeks ago and I'm due to travel to where she lives again in two weeks. I've had STD tests done and nothing showed up gladly, but that negative test says nothing about how promiscuous she is or isn't.

Anyway, given that this isn't even an official relationship, why do I keep having jealous pangs and urges to know what she's getting up to? She says she's waiting for me but I'm not naive enough to believe that a promiscuous person by nature would go two months without sex. So given the obvious fact she's slept with at least one person over the last few weeks (perhaps a local FB in her location), what's up with my weird obsessiveness over what she's doing?

I suspect this stems from my lack of an abundance mindset. In in my early 30s but I don't have a high body count at all. I've spent 12 years of my adult life in long-term relationships. I thought though by this point in life you learn not to give so much of a **** about these things. I guess I'm posting for advice on just letting go and not really caring what women I have casual flings with are getting up to, no matter how much I like them. It doesn't even feel fair of me to get jealous over what she's up to seeing as I didn't ask her to be in a relationship.

The forum poster got a number of replies, essentially boiling down to either “just stop caring” or “sounds like you’re not cut out for this type of relationship.” At one point he even stated that “I don’t know why I act like this.”

But all along a part of the explanation for his behavior was right there in his original post:

I suspect this stems from my lack of an abundance mindset. In in my early 30s but I don't have a high body count at all. I've spent 12 years of my adult life in long-term relationships. I thought though by this point in life you learn not to give so much of a **** about these things.

He’s probably right about why he’s feeling insecure about this girl – although there’s another possible explanation too.

Some men long for pleasure. Others crave victory. Knowing which motivates you more will help you decide where how to lead the most rewarding dating life.

We’ve been talking about who cold approach pickup is for recently. There’s always a contingent of men who really loves cold approach and considers it the best. But there is also always a contingent of men who rejects it, finding it too difficult, inefficient, frustrating, humiliating, and so on.

Cold approach still works – it’ll always work; it works in every society imaginable – but it has always been hard to learn, and that it’ll also always be. Approaching people you don’t know, charming their socks off, and attracting them so much as to make them want to do things you want them to do is never going to be a simple skill to learn.

I see a chance to allay some cognitive dissonance for some readers here though about another dimension of who cold approach is for versus who it is not… while at the same time discussing male motivation, another topic of perennial interest here.

Namely, we are going to talk about the two (2) types of men there are, when it comes to motivation, so that you can better understand what YOU are really in it for – and where you’d do best to concentrate your romantic efforts.