For many of you sorry bastards, texting a girl can be an awful, anxiety-inducing journey of existential despair. What to text? When? How long should the text be? Should I be funny? What do I do?
Just chillax, brother. Let uncle Tony guide you through the mysterious world of women, texting a girl, and making sense of it all.
I've talked about parting shots on Girls Chase before.
A parting shot is anything you say to a girl before you ditch her, leave her behind, or otherwise cut contact with her, because it doesn't seem to be going anywhere with her.
It is, in my opinion, not great form to simply walk away from a woman you've invested time and energy into, and had even a bit of a connection with and got a little ways with, without a parting shot.
The reason for this is simple: sometimes women play games, under the assumption that you will continue to play games.
They do this because most guys will.
But you're not most guys.
And before you shove off, it's important that women understand that.
Should you come across as a lover or a provider? Let’s examine why the lover’s frame is always best, no matter the type of relationship you want with a girl.
Hey guys, and welcome back.
In this post, I’ll discuss two aspects of seduction men need to consider to achieve great success with women.
There have been many theories that split concepts into categories, phases, or into different aspects, like “the five pillars of seduction,” etc. Today I want to break it down to its core.
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The framework I’ll present will be very intuitive and broad, yet I’ll give examples as we proceed.
You may have certain frameworks you already use to make sense of the world of seduction and women. There is nothing wrong with that if it is helpful. However, you may encounter a competing framework that you happen to find equally interesting. Yet, it is not coherent with your usual framework. This will not be the case here.
The framework I’ll discuss is so basic that any other framework you may have will be compatible. If it is not, then your initial framework needs reworking.
What is a player? And more importantly, are YOU a player? Will being labeled a player have a bad impact on your dating life, or can the label actually help you?
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II. What Is a Player? The Negative Connotation
V. The Morality of Being a Player
What is a player?
Many years ago, when I was still a sniveling newbie in the dating scene, I was friends with an amazingly talented seductionist. I’ll call him Chris.
I went to a party with Chris, and a girl I recognized from work looked at me sideways and asked how I knew him. I didn’t tell her we were part of a secret society of pickup artists that met in a rented room we called a “lair” every Sunday and were out that night to practice our approach techniques.
“He’s a friend of a friend,” I replied.
“Well…” she shriveled her nose, “he’s a notorious player.”
I went back to Chris and told him he had the reputation of being a player. “Really? That’s good,” he replied, obviously pleased with the label.
Why would a seducer be pleased about being called a player?
You broke up with her for good reasons, but all of a sudden the prospect of hooking up with an ex is staring you right in the dick. Here’s why you should take a pass.
“Maybe you should head home. I think she wants to be alone tonight.”
I was in college at the time, and the girl telling me this was a high school friend. She didn’t know my ex-girlfriend that well and had only just found out about us at the party that night, and she was playing Mother Hen a bit too zealously.
It probably had something to do with her having had a crush on me back in high school.
I immediately saw through her BS.
I stood up, walked past her, and looked for my ex-girlfriend. I found her sitting on a bed in one of the bedrooms (at a friend’s house). As she saw me enter, she smiled and asked me how I was. A few minutes earlier, we were in one of the bathrooms fooling around, and some things were said, the gist being that I was not going to get back together with her.
Now she was telling me how I’d been leading her on, making her think we were going to get back together. I had no idea what she was talking about. I was utterly confused. Stupefied. How did I lead her along? We’ve just been having sex and occasionally hanging out.
It was a crucial moment in my life. I was about to learn how women link sex to love.
She explained to me that it wasn’t just about sex and hanging out. She still had feelings for me and felt that I must also have similar feelings for her, because why else would I continue to sleep with her?
To me, this again seemed strange. In truth, we slept together a few times after breaking up. We broke up a week after our anniversary because she had started some needless drama for the last time, and I told her I wanted to break up.
She quietly cried a little, and then we had sex — because she told me we could still be friends and have sex. So I naturally agreed. Duh. What I didn’t fully grasp was that this was her way of getting me back, and she expected it to work despite having just agreed we could still be friends and have sex. She was using pussy, jealousy, and sweetness to keep me lured in.
We all have dating droughts for one reason or another, or perhaps we just got out of a relationship. Either way, the good news is it’s not hard to start dating again.
Last year I decided to start dating again. As a professional dating coach, I obviously don’t showcase this much, but I had a two-year sojourn from women.
This type of thing is not uncommon for guys of any age, especially for guys past their 30s like me. All men go through dating/no-dating phases throughout their lives for whatever reason or no reason at all. Other priorities and interests pop up, or they get stuck in a rut, or they get bored or burnt out with the dating scene and decide to take a break and focus on something else, or they get out of a long-term relationship and are recovering from it or they don't know how to get back in the game and attract a woman they'd like to date.
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III. Decide to Make a Fresh Start
Whatever the reason you find yourself getting back into the dating life, it's important to start with the right mindset. That means not thinking you're doomed because you've had a break; it means knowing there are plenty of high-quality women out there you can attract if you put in the effort. But that's true for every guy! Not having dated for a time doesn't make you an anomaly. You just need a refresher course and to gain a bit of momentum. Dating is like riding a bike.
That said, if you've let yourself go and have become a fat, jaded, neck-bearded slob since your last date, you'll have a harder time getting back on the trail (also true with riding bikes, no?).
Your dating confidence may be low right now, which is why you're here reading this. At the very least, you're on the right path, and it could just be a matter of one or two good dates or evenings vigorously thrusting your manhood into a hot, wet vagina to get you rolling again. Sometimes all it takes is to be reminded of how amazing it feels to have sex with a woman, have a meaningful connection with one, or both.
Personally, I went with no sex for about 20 months. And to be honest, it didn’t really bother me. If I died tomorrow and my life flashed before my eyes, I wouldn’t cry about my lack of sexual experiences.
Why would a man with a skillset such as mine decide to isolate himself from the sexual marketplace? To answer that, I’d have to share too much of myself for a blog post. But I’ll just say, sometimes turning your hobby into a job has unintended effects. I felt a little bit of dating PTSD, like a kick boxer who’d been kicked in the head too many times and just wanted to lie down.
I’ve been into this stuff for almost 14 years, slept with hundreds of women, fell in and out of love, traveled the world, and went “Okay, now what?” I’m no guru. I’m just a man.
Long story short, the phases of my life shifted back to dating, and it wasn’t easy at first. But I’m back, baby! And I’ll share with you what I’ve learned from the upside-down of dating.
Ever meet a girl on a bus or a train, and you start talking, and it seems to go great... and then all of a sudden she's telling you "That's my stop, I have to go!"... and the next thing you know, she's gone, and you hadn't even grabbed her contact details?
Ever take a girl on a date, and just when it starts to get good she tells you "Hey, I'm sorry, but I have to leave now, I have an appointment in 30 minutes and I have to get going."
That's always super awkward, isn't it?
What if you didn't have to run into these scenarios ever again?
What if you always made sure you had girls' contact info far in advance of them leaving, and you knew exactly when a date had to end, so you could be sure to end it on your terms?
Well, you can.
It's very simple.
All you need to do is, very quickly into any conversation or date where there's any possibility of a time constraint, make sure you know how much time she has.
Jealous women aren’t always a bad thing, because there’s good jealousy and bad jealousy. The key is to understand the difference and make the good kind work for you.
My first girlfriend (let's call her Sarah) was this perky-breasted firecracker of a love muffin. I was 21, and she was 17 (legal in Canada). We were together for nearly three and a half tumultuous years. At the time I met her, I thought she was the most awesome girl ever. She was cute, smart, and into the same music as me (Indie/Punk). So we got on great, for about a year. Then, from her, I had my first lesson in jealous women.
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When I think of jealous women, I think of two types of jealousy: good and bad. These two types have subcategories for inside and outside of a relationship.
Inside: A long-term monogamous relationship (LTR). This involves managing jealousy from your girlfriend or wife. Jealousy inside is mostly negative but can be used to re-establish waning attraction.
For example, you go to a party and have a conversation with an attractive woman. Your girlfriend becomes a little jealous. She knows she’s not your only option and you could get another girl if you broke up. So that night she makes sure to give you really hot sex, and that’s the extent of the consequences you'll face. This is good jealousy inside a relationship.
Or she could become an insanely jealous woman and light your apartment on fire because you smiled at your waitress. That is bad inside jealousy.
Outside: An impending, casual pickup, or non-monogamous relationship. This is dealing with jealousy from a girl who isn’t your girlfriend or wife.
For example, you approach a girl at the bar. She’s sort of interested but not enough to hook up with you. Then, because you’re talking to this attractive girl, another attractive girl notices and hovers near you (preselection). So you start talking to this second girl, which makes the first girl jealous. Now, when you return to her, she’s suddenly very interested in you.
However, if you’re doing really well with a girl and then you switch to another one, you might piss off the first girl, and that’s the end of your seduction. Pitting two jealous women against each other is a powerful tool, with a small chance of backfiring.
Good Jealousy: Used to either create attraction or increase it. It can be utilized both inside or outside of a relationship.
A good jealous woman is one who becomes more attracted to you because of the jealousy. It’s a signifier of your value to other women, which makes you more valuable in her eyes. It doesn’t make her crazy, violent, or depressed.
Bad Jealousy: Jealousy inside a relationship can turn toxic, destroying trust. Outside of it can lead to hurt feelings, and occasionally, violence. Bad jealousy is the cause of destroyed relationships, divorce, sometimes murder, and even suicide.
Sometimes you meet a girl you want to see again after a night of passion. What you do after sex has a huge impact on whether she’ll want to keep seeing you.
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Most of my articles focus on how to get girls for sex, but many men want to know what to do after sex.
Some guys are so shackled by their perceived limitations (Broken Man Syndrome) that they’re surprised when, after sex, a girl may actually want to see them again.
Men with dreams of being players or having harems drop those dreams as soon as they meet a girl who’s a notch more attractive than they’re used to. So they revert, act a little needy, and the girl figures she was duped. “He must not be the cool guy I thought he was. Oh well… next.” Meanwhile, these men are back to cold approaching girls at the mall, chasing the dream of being a player.
If you stumble upon a great girl and want to keep her in your life, what you do after sex is as critical as what you do before it.
Over the years of coaching men to do well with women, I've spotted many key differences between the men who learn fast and the men who flounder.
One of those differences -- the one we'll talk about today -- is the ability to spot the moment in an interaction with a woman where things go from 'filled with potential' to 'crashed and burned'.
No one has a perfect pickup streak for too long. Everyone loses girls, botches courtships, and slips up:
You approach a girl a wrong way
You say something to her that offends her and turns her off
You miss an escalation window she had wide open for you
You propose the wrong thing and she declines
You're too aggressive, or not aggressive enough, and she leaves in disappointment
Everybody does these things at least sometimes.
However, what I have realized over time -- and it surprised me at first when it really clicked that it was this way for some guys, and that this was the source of many of their struggles -- was that some guys have no idea where they blown it with a girl.
For many guys (myself included), the moment you get too far off track with a girl you get that gut feeling of 'whoops, that might've done it' and you say to yourself, "Oh drat, missed a move / did that wrong. She might be lost."
This is vital to the improvement process, because when you know where you messed up, it is easy to fix the next go-round. You might be able to fix it during this or on your next interaction with the same girl. More likely, if you really have lost her, that girl is lost, but you can do things better next time with an entirely new girl you do not make that mistake with.
For some guys though, these signs things have gone awry are invisible. Every failed date or approach or seduction is a guessing game for such a man: what could have gone wrong? Why didn't it work? He has no idea. He just knows the date didn't work... but somewhere in there, in that two hours he spent with her, she went from 'interested in him' to 'no longer interested in him'. He just doesn't know where or why.
If you want to improve with girls at any rate faster than a sloth crawl, you need to spot the moment you lost a girl. This is sign what tells you where there's something to fix.
