Mindsets

If you want to get laid, approach lots of girls. Sounds simple, but what if approaching women terrifies you? These tools will help you conquer your fears.

Approach anxiety is the #1 problem every guy thinks he has.

I say “thinks he has” because once you get over your irrational fear of striking up conversations with attractive women, a whole world of dating possibilities bloom. But you can’t even seed that journey if you’re too afraid to approach.

#2 is knowing “what to say” to girls.

The two are connected.

You don’t approach because you don’t know what to say – you don’t know what to say because you don’t approach. It’s a paradox with a very simple and logical solution.

Fear.

What a monstrous topic.

What an enemy.

He may be the ultimate enemy.

How do you deal with him? What makes a man truly fearless?

How to be fearless?

Totally fearless? Well, that's a huge undertaking.

Let's start with discovering the reasons behind fear and then work from that foundation to see what it means to be a fearless man?

An easy way to get your feet moving despite fears of rejection: just tell yourself "She'll likely reject me anyway... so let's go see what happens.

I just talked with one of our senior discussion forum members, who took on the 30 Days Invite a Girl Home Challenge. This is a challenge for advanced guys, where the singular goal is to invite a new girl home each and every day for 30 straight days. She doesn't have to say yes and you don't have to sleep with her, but you do need to invite her home to do it. The goal is to push a guy's comfort zone and open his eyes to what's possible.

In our forum member's case, his first day on the challenge ended up with the girl he invited home saying yes and going home with him. However, he liked this girl a lot, overthought things a bit, and escalated too timidly, despite feeling like the girl was quite into him.

He didn't get the lay (although he did get a nice start to the 30 day challenge!), and the girl left.

He tried to set a date up with her later, and she LJBF'ed him.

His escalation (too unaggressive for her level of horniness) was the immediate cause, he figured... but the root cause was that he liked her too much, which led him to go too slow for this girl's tastes.

Does he just need to convince himself not to like girls too much, he wondered?

That brought to mind a long-time technique I've used to overcome nervous hesitation with women, that might be useful to some guys.

It's this: you simply tell yourself "Well she's probably going to reject me, so let's try anyway and just see what happens."

Every man's actions when socializing are guided by 1 of 3 core aims. The wrong aim can sabotage him in social situations… but the right aim will give him wings.

When a man goes out to meet women, he has a certain aim he takes with him. That aim might be a conscious one; an aim he knows he has. Or it may be unconscious -- he doesn't know what his aim is. Yet whether he knows it or not, he carries that aim with him.

The aim a man takes out with him colors his experience. It colors his actions and behavior while out. And it colors his perception of what happens while he's out too.

The right aim leads to progress with women, as a man hones his abilities to socialize or familiarizes himself with new venues, types of women, or techniques. Or the right aim might lead him to a lot of fun. Or to get dates, get laid, and meet a future girlfriend.

The wrong aim leads him to a disappointing outing. On the worse end, he may end up depressed, disappointed, or beating himself up over the outing. This happens when he has an aim -- conscious or not -- and fails to achieve it.

If he takes the wrong aim with him too often, and fails to achieve it too frequently, it can tank his morale and cause him to give up. Most guys who quit the game do so because they spent too much time aimed at the wrong place.

There are three easy-to-identify aims a man can take with him out into the field. All other more complicated aims boil down to these three. Two of these aims are self-focused, while the third is other-focused.

In this article, I'm going to argue that too many men go out with other-focused aims when they should take self-focused aims with them instead.

I'm also going to show you how many naturals and men who are good with girls go out with very different aims than what most less experienced, more aspirational men take with them.

If you have one of these beliefs about women, it's holding you back... and you probably don't even realize it.

Each man sees the world in a different way.

Some of the differences between how one man sees the world and how the next one does are slight. Other differences, though, are extreme.

If a man holds the right beliefs, he unshackles himself to achieve success beyond his most fantastic hopes and dreams. If he holds beliefs that limit him though, he may stumble into great ravines on the road to wish fulfillment... or he may chain himself fast, so that he never starts on the road to fulfillment at all.

There are four types of limiting beliefs men hold:

1. Inaccessibility ("I can't get/have what I want")

2. Over-accessibility ("I can have that whenever I want")

3. Transience ("Once I have it, I'm destined to lose it")

4. Permanence ("Once I have it, or someone else does, it's forever")

Those beliefs boil down into two dimensions: one of accessibility, and the other of transience/permanence.

The most accurate belief sets abandoned these extremes. Men who succeed most stop thinking about the world in terms of the blacks and whites of beliefs like these, and view it as a vast world of gray -- a promising world of gray, with boundaries and limitations, but where most things are achievable, though not always easy.

Today we're going to talk about 12 common limiting beliefs men have about women and dating. Hang onto these beliefs, you'll make costly mistakes, or never get far with women at all. Wouldn't it be neat though, to be free of these beliefs -- and free to meet the women you want, date them how you want, and get success with them that seems out of reach to most other men?

The best way to overturn limiting beliefs is through action, because action is where you put your beliefs to the test -- and find out which hold up, and which do not. We'll talk about this below too.

We'll begin with one of the most common limiting beliefs: that girls like that are simply too hot for you.

If you keep asking yourself why you suck so bad with women while all these other dudes are getting laid, there are probably some things you aren’t taking into account.

Lately, I’ve been writing a lot of posts to debunk common ideas that I believe are wrong. I decided to follow up with a problem I see a lot of men suffering from – and that I also struggled with.

That is when you start comparing yourself to other men’s success. You see them with girls and feel inferior. This happens especially when you don’t find yourself in female company. You start seeing these other men – either willingly or unwillingly – as superior to you.

It isn’t a good feeling, and it doesn’t result in any kind of productive mindset when it comes to meeting women – quite the contrary. You usually start experiencing this feeling when you have a crappy night. You’re already in a bad place, so feeling inferior creates a vicious circle.

This post is designed to debunk some common misconceptions, but it’s more of a fact check that will help you avoid harmful biases about your own and others’ success.

First things first – we shouldn’t care about whether other people succeed or not unless it has an impact on our own interactions. However, many of us do care.

When a date or an outing doesn't pan out, use a post-mortem to figure out why. Give yourself clear action items for next time – and recover your emotions, too.

Your dates and outings won't always work out.

Sometimes they don't pan out at all. You go out and approach girls and all you get are stony faces. You take girls onto dates yet can never get past the polite zone. You bring women home and hit a wall of last-minute resistance.

There is one thing you ought to always do, whenever things don't go your way.

That thing is a post-mortem.

The term comes from the Latin for after death, and it's pretty close to how we'll use it here.

After your date, outing, or seduction has 'died'... after the whole thing is over (and not before), you're going to do an 'after death' review to figure out what within your control went well, and what to change next time.

This is so incredibly important to your learning and future success. It takes your progress with women and puts it on the fast track -- and all it takes it a little cognizance of what you could've done better, and enough emotion control to step back and look at everything objectively.