Tactics Tuesdays

Don’t get stuck in boring go-nowhere conversations with girls. Ditch the small talk, and flirt with ‘small talk zero’ instead.

This is for any guy who runs into this issue:

You're in a situation, start to talk to a girl, make small talk about the setting/situation, then get trapped in a platonic conversation where you talk about boring situational things that neither you nor the girl care about. She loses interest and slips away.

If this happens to you, there's an easy tactic you can use, and that is to go 'small talk zero'. Instead of make small talk, your entire early conversation consists of flirtatious banter.

Sometimes you can make small talk work perfectly fine, especially if you are confident in how you do it and don't spend too long on it. However, if you're nervous, or don't feel in control of the situation, it's easy to fall into a small talk loop, where small talk leads to more small talk, which leads to boredom, and women leaving.

Since we don't want attractive women leaving, instead of getting trapped in an endless small talk loop, we can use 'zero small talk' flirtation instead.

How to kiss a girl properly?

This is one of the most important skills you will ever learn. Ever.

A kiss will tell a girl EVERYTHING about you. Your desire for her. Your connection with her. And whether you have ever done this before.

It can completely sell her on you. Or it can make her want a refund.

That’s why I’m here. To make sure that when you do kiss that girl you like, she’ll need a fresh pair of panties (and want to take them off ASAP so she can get more of you... and by that I mean, your dick).

Let’s get to it.

Every group or society has norms it expects members to follow. These norms extend to dating and romance as well. But what if you aren't from the same norm group?

I've done quite a bit of travel and lived in a variety of places, all very different from each other, with people who were all quite different too. Everywhere I have gone, I have encountered many men who told me the women in whatever city or country I was in were 'traditional' and 'hard to get anywhere with'. Often I would have men telling me this after I had already quickly slept with several normal, local women, with normal dating histories (not wild party girls, sluts, or 'exceptions to the rule'). I never want to rub it in a guy's face, so usually I will just say "Well, the girls here seem pretty normal and not too uptight to me."

I am not the only guy this happens to. Everywhere I've lived or traveled for any good amount of time, for every 10 guys I meet who tell me the women there are 'difficult' or 'traditional', I'll meet at least one man who tells me the women there are unbelievably easy. Often these guys sleep with multiple new women a week, oblivious to the guys who spend months or years without girlfriends or lays.

I could spend 10 posts unpacking the differences between the 'girls here are hard to get' guys and the 'girls here are so easy' guys... and in many ways, this website is devoted to just this mission.

Today though, I want to talk about one specific wrinkle of the successful guys' success: playing dumb on dating norms.

How to get a girl to kiss you first?

Sounds like a dream.

A lot of guys out there are going to teach you gimmicks. Tricks and tips.

Some of them can work under the right circumstances, but if you really want a girl to kiss you first, you need to create an environment for her where she will WANT to do it.

That’s the secret to getting a girl to kissing you first.

Make her WANT to do it and make it EASY for her.

You’ll see. Watch the video.

Today we're going to talk about how guys get the first kiss wrong.

We've had a slew of articles on Girls Chase about how to get the first kiss right.

It's a fairly long list:

1. How to Kiss Her: kiss basics

2. Manhandle Kisses: an aggressive, dominant kiss

3. Can't-Miss Tips for Getting the First Kiss with a Girl: tips for the first kiss

4. How to Kiss a Girl Like No One's Ever Kissed Her Before: step-by-step kiss guide

5. How to Kiss Girls in Public and Have It Go Great: kissing girls in public

6. How to Be a Good Kisser: 5 Steps to Confident Kissing: mindsets, techniques, and tactics for great kisses

7. Tactics Tuesdays: How to Make Her Kiss You Back: getting her to kiss you back when you kiss

8. The Kiss and Other Mouth Moves in Physical Escalation: using kisses to move the courtship forward

9. Tactics Tuesdays: The 5-Second Kiss: kiss a girl five seconds after you first meet

10. Tactics Tuesdays: Kisses for Good Behavior: reward her with a kiss

11. 3 Legendary Movie Manhandle Kisses to Model Your Kisses After: examples of manhandle kisses in action, so you can see exactly what these look like

One subject we haven't delved into on kisses much though, is things to avoid doing with the kiss.

All those first kiss mistakes you can (and many guys do) make.

We've talked about some things to avoid here and there. But we haven't covered them all. And not all in the same place.

For this piece, I've compiled the top five ways guys blow the first kiss. They're all here in one place, for your easy perusal.

Note that I am going to leave out the most common way guys blow the first kiss, which is to not actually make the first kiss at all. Whether that is because they wait too long for the right moment, or they even feel the right moment but can't summon the courage to kiss, this is the most common way to blow it. However, we've addressed this mistake extensively in the other kiss articles (above). In this article I want to focus on things guys do wrong when they make the actual kiss (rather than wilt out of hesitation).

After we talk about each way to botch the kiss, of course, we'll talk about how to not blow these aspects of the kiss, too.

Here's the list of the top five biggest ways guys blow that first kiss (and how not to).

You use force frames to make women (or other people) see things the way you see things. Each force frame consists of two parts: the pitch and the ditch.

Frame control is a crucial aspect of achieving your ends with other people.

He who controls the frame, controls how those within that frame perceive events.

Civilizations strive endlessly to control the frame through which the citizenry view the world. Every civilization exerts massive amounts of energy to ensure its population sees things the way it wants it to see things, and to label the way competitor civilizations see things as 'misguided', 'wrong', or even 'evil'. Every time you think another country does things the wrong way, and yours does them right, you think within the frame of your society.

Yet frame control extends to a far more granular level than that of civilizations.

Any time you interact with a group of people, frame control is at play.

Any time you interact with a single other person, frame control is at play.

When you talk to a girl, frame control is at play. Either you'll control the frame, or she will.

When women test, this is in part to see if you'll yield the frame. Women are not attracted to men who yield to their frames, but they will test (over and over) to see if you will. They must discover if you are a man strong of frame or weak of it.

There's a form of frame control you can use called 'force framing'.

Force frames are for when you want to frame something that isn't necessarily true, or the other party may not readily accept. However, you still want to impose the frame regardless.

The force frame is how you impose that frame despite the other party's 'opposition'.

A great first kiss is what sets a steamy romance into motion. An awkward slurp might put the tension on ice, but a tantalizing lip-lock can lead to so much more.

The first kiss doesn’t need to be magical. It doesn’t need to be special. But it would be a lot better if it was. What is true to women in the context of romance is more about what feels true.

If she feels like a kiss was great, it will be true that it was great.

If she feels that she likes you, precisely because the kiss was so great, then it is true that she really likes you.

The exact nature of how women think and feel is better explained in my article on why women are emotional but not irrational.

To put it simply, what women feel is what’s real.

And for the sake of sexual strategy and navigating the social waters of the world, it’s quite an accurate compass. It’s far more accurate, on average, than cold logic.

How does this tie into giving her a great first kiss?

I explained it above. You want her to feel as if the first kiss was great, so she feels she likes you and that you two are having a great time together.

This may sound overly technical to some, and while I may even grant it is a bit nerdy, it doesn’t mean it’s not a good strategy.

As men, it’s generally good practice to go for strategy over feelings. I’m not saying don’t feel. That would be ridiculous. There would be no point to this entire website if we didn’t embrace our sexual and romantic desires toward women. You would be a machine who sleeps with women and dates them for purely intellectual rewards. That would be strange. Countless other pursuits would be more enjoyable on a purely intellectual field than seduction (and even then, you’re still chasing desire. Intellectual desires and carnal desires are only different in their appearance, but they are both desires all the same).

But enough philosophizing.

What is a good strategy for the first kiss?

There are many factors to cover, and some tips will be universal while others will be based on preference (i.e., you can choose to follow one tip rather than another).

Let’s get to it.