Tactics Tuesdays

When a date or an outing doesn't pan out, use a post-mortem to figure out why. Give yourself clear action items for next time – and recover your emotions, too.

Your dates and outings won't always work out.

Sometimes they don't pan out at all. You go out and approach girls and all you get are stony faces. You take girls onto dates yet can never get past the polite zone. You bring women home and hit a wall of last-minute resistance.

There is one thing you ought to always do, whenever things don't go your way.

That thing is a post-mortem.

The term comes from the Latin for after death, and it's pretty close to how we'll use it here.

After your date, outing, or seduction has 'died'... after the whole thing is over (and not before), you're going to do an 'after death' review to figure out what within your control went well, and what to change next time.

This is so incredibly important to your learning and future success. It takes your progress with women and puts it on the fast track -- and all it takes it a little cognizance of what you could've done better, and enough emotion control to step back and look at everything objectively.

It's basic, but it's also easy to forget to do. Smile when you approach a girl, and your odds of success with her go way up.

Sometimes the simplest stuff is the most important.

Every now and again, despite however many years at this, I will go out and discover things aren't going my way. Women don't glance at me or hover near me; when I approach them, they're lukewarm.

At first, whenever something like this happens, I assume it's randomness and asymmetry. Not everyone who sees you will like you; not everyone you talk with you'll connect with. Yet sometimes the pattern keeps up, well past the point you can chalk it all up as randomness. You meet more girls, talk to more girls, and they're still not as receptive as they should be.

Whenever this happens, I do a post-mortem on the outing. What did I do wrong? Where'd I screw up? I can usually find a few areas.

One of the most common, though, is also one of the most basic. All too often, I've been off in whatever kind of mood, and realize I haven't been smiling.

Escape women's traps and make things fun with "You're so demanding!" or "You're such a girl!" and other variants of this playful, off-balancing tease.

Here's a little tactic/tease you may use, but perhaps not enough.

When women test you or do something silly or unexpected, or when you need to put the heat back onto them, use this line:

"You're so [BLANK]!" or "You're such a [BLANK]!"

For example... at some point, a girl you've recently met asks you a super serious question about cheating in a relationship. A question there's no way to answer seriously without either qualifying or disqualifying yourself. A question seemingly designed to suck all the fun right out of the courtship. How do you proceed?

One excellent way is with "You're so [BLANK]!" Like so:

Her: So. If you were married, would you ever cheat?

You: Wow. You're such a downer! We were having fun, then all of a sudden you're assessing my value as a long-term mate.

Use a bemused, slightly endeared delivery when you use lines like this. Show her you find the situation funny and unusual, though also that she's somewhat endeared herself to you (even if she is a little weird or uncalibrated) with her silly/cute behavior.

"You're so" or "You're such a" can spin around all sorts of uncomfortable conversational situations. Questions about whether or not you're a cheater are just the start.

Want an easy way to make a girl want it more in the bedroom? Make your physical escalation go 10% slower than she wants it to go.

One of the biggest aspects of sexual enjoyment is not the actual sex itself.

During the act itself, you might use good technique and be passionate. These things help up a woman's enjoyment (and yours).

But like a young child biding his time until Christmas, it is the anticipation that heightens her enjoyment of the experience most. Good sex (like a good Christmas) is magnitudes better with proper buildup and anticipation before it.

How do you build all that anticipation in her? I talked about some ways in an article some years back: "How to Turn a Girl On: 3 Tiers of Sexual Excitement."

Today I'll talk about another way: escalating just slightly slower than she wants you to.

As a high value man, it's easy to seem out of girls' leagues. A focus on the High Value Man Big 5 for attainability keeps you in-reach for women you like.

Two days ago we talked about meeting women while staying safe in a paranoid dating society. The 'safety from vengeful women' adds just one more layer to the already thick binder of reasons you want to keep your attainability in the green zone.

Attainability is key to your success with women. If it's too low, women will auto-reject you. If it's too high, they won't be interested in you. There is an attainability 'sweet spot' you must operate inside of to do consistently well with women.

The subject of today's article is how to stay attainable when you're already a high value man. If you're the type of guy a girl might think is 'out of her league', attainability considerations become even more important for you -- because it's easy for you to blow it with women just by being your normal charming self.

You meet a girl, and she tells you "You need to dress better when you go out" or "You shouldn't talk to girls that way." Can this be salvaged – or is your goose cooked?

Sometimes you meet a girl who hits you with a demand, a critique, or an instruction.

Sometimes it's in a flirtatious way. Others it's with attitude (whether annoyed, or of the schoolmarm variety). Either way, the words of the thing will look like these:

• "You need to start dressing better and not wear t-shirts so much."

• "You shouldn't walk up to girls and make fun of them before you know them."

• "You have to do something about the way you talk to people. It's too assertive."

• "You should be more respectful about how you talk to women."

• "You need to trim your beard. It's too long."

• "You should stop wearing torn jeans. It's not fashionable anymore."

... and any of a variety of similar instructions or critiques.

Again, the tone can vary: sometimes she's flirty; sometimes she acts like an adult lecturing a clueless kid.

There are a variety of ways to respond to these critiques. Most of these ways aren't that great.

However, there are a few excellent ways to respond to these, that are pretty much always what you want to go for.

The 3 second rule says you must approach a girl within three (3) seconds of realizing you want to talk to her. When do you follow this rule – and when not?

For today's Tactics Tuesday, I've dug up an old pickup rule some of you well know, and others may not have heard of.

The 3 second rule stems from the early online seduction community. It's a "Mystery" tactic (one of the early 2000s seduction pros). And while you don't want to be rigid about it, it for sure can be a handy little thing.

The 3 second rule works like so: from the instant you spot a girl you'd like to approach, you have three (3) seconds to approach her.

The purpose of the rule is to avoid all the downsides that accompany waiting too long to approach: the buildup of nervousness, worrying thoughts that lead to psyching yourself out, and the closing of the approach escalation window.

The rule itself is straightforward. Today we'll talk about a couple reasons it's useful... plus when it's better to ignore this rule.