Tactics Tuesdays

When a girl asks you out, it should seem obvious what to do: say yes, right? Yet guys botch this one surprisingly often. Here’s how not to.

You’re in the classroom looking at your notebook, or you’re in the office leaned up against a cubicle wall. A girl you know stops by to say hello and makes a little light chitchat with you. You talk with her, it’s fun; at one point she laughs. And then all at once she tells you, “We should hang out sometime.”

“Yeah, totally,” you tell her.

“All right, I need to get back to work,” she says. “I’ll see you.”

“See you!” you tell her.

You spend the next week mulling over what to do. Should you walk up to her and ask her for her phone number? Should you go tell her about the date idea you cooked up? Should you wait for her to re-approach you and make something happen then?

The more time goes by, the more awkward it gets.

Finally, two weeks later, you bump into her again and tell her, “We should get some coffee or something.”

She says, “Yeah, just let me know.” Then drifts off.

Still, you don’t have her contact info.

The date never happens.

How should you have dealt with the situation?

If she starts trying to convince herself to go with you or sleep with you, should you correct her if she says things about you that aren’t true?

The inspiration for this post came from the exchange Davi shares of a scenario where he was just about to sleep with a girl he’d brought back home... Until he talked her out of it:

Girl: Look, I’ve got to go to work quite early in the morning...

Davi: Well, I’ll take care of it, don’t worry!

Girl: Oh yeah, you can take me with your car when you go to your regular work, right? Then, yeah I can stay.

Davi: I can call you an Uber. But no, I don’t own a car, and it’s just a student job, haha.

Girl: Really? Hmm... oh... mmm... then I think I should go home now.

At which point she left.

I’ve been here. I remember at one point a girl had asked me to swing by her friends’ place so she could pick up her cell phone. Finally, both of us in my car, she agreed to go back to my place with me, and was talking about how she’d get home in the morning. Then I said, kind of thinking out loud, “Oh wait, we still need to get your phone from your friends,” and she said oh yeah, I have to get that.

So, we drove to her friends’ house, there was an after party going on there, she ended up wandering off and making out with some other guy she knew there for a while, while I stood around awkwardly having drinks and trying to act natural and talk with her friends, until at last the girl I’d come with passed out on a couch, and I gave up and went home alone.

Shouldn’t have reminded her about the phone and just had her pick it up in the morning. Whoops.

All I had to do in that scenario – and all Davi had to do here – was keep my mouth shut.

I just couldn’t help myself though. I had to talk her out of sleeping with me.

The bonding phone call lets you build a stronger emotional connection with a girl you’ve just met. If you need a boost before the date, this is it.

In a comment under my article on over-the-top romanticness, Sadeqh asks about the bonding phone call:

“Hi chase

Salut you for your ethereality that makes dating life more valuable.

I have to know what you do mean when you say bonding phone call because you haven’t really opened it yet not in your records on GC nor I could found it in your inscriptions anywhere else.

It’s like a lost necessary fragment that could fill the time you wouldn’t make a date because you are away or have not yet handled the logistics for reasons.

What’s better to say how to do it and other stuff related you could teach performing it jovial.

Mania è Dementica, Sadeqh”

Sadeqh is correct, this is something I’ve referred to here and there, but not described to any great detail.

What is a bonding phone call? It’s a phone call in which your objective is the creation of a stronger emotional bond with a girl. Your chief aim with a bonding phone call is to make yourself more familiar, more trustworthy, and more comfortable to her. A secondary aim will be to make her (sexually) excited about you.

How do you do it, how is it executed, and what does it look like? Step inside and let me show you.

How do you sleep with a girl when you have a roommate? There are two (2) scenarios: housemates, and roommates… And there exist strategies for each.

This is a question we get a lot on these parts: how do I sleep with girls when I have a roommate?

I’ve done enough hooking up with girls in places where I’ve had housemates, or even full-on roommates (i.e., someone who sleeps in the same room as you). While I usually prefer to have my own place or go to the girl’s place, it’s been my experience that roommates can actually make it easier for you to sleep with new women... I’ll tell you the reasons why in just a minute.

Caveat: this entire article is predicated on you not having totally lame cockblock roommates. If your roommates are lame pricks who don’t get laid and want to do everything in their power to make sure you don’t get laid either, then either change your living situation, or get good at going back to girls’ places or sleeping with girls in less conventional settings.

Assuming your roommates are at least marginally cool people whom we can get to play along with helping their bro get a new girl in the sack (or at least, they’re folks we can get to not interfere), let’s examine some strategies to help you bed babes in spite of your living situation.

Women conceal the past. So how do you get the skinny on them on touchy topics… Without them shutting down or blowing up?

A reader named Eric writes in:

“Hey, just wondering how do you screen a girl for topics that she might not want to talk about or for things that wouldn’t be in her best interest to tell you like daddy issues or if she has ever cheated in a relationship without coming off as too insecure or too aggressive?”

This is a pretty fun topic. How do you get girls to be straight with you on stuff they’d rather not be?

Two days ago, I published “Why Won’t Women Just Say What They Want?”, which is all about women’s tendency toward the vague and ambiguous. This can make it hard to nail a girl down on some topics... Especially the topics she doesn’t want you to nail her down on.

Further, women usually cloak the less marketable parts of their pasts in secrecy (and even go so far as to discourage investigation into their pasts: “Why does it matter?” “The past is irrelevant!”). Men do this too, but the female version of the murky past is the big leagues; men are the J.V. squad of concealment, compared to how women do.

Yet, those parts of her past she doesn’t want you to know about may be exactly the things you need to know about most. In “Why Her Past Matters If You Want Something Serious”, I shared a trio of scientific investigations into women’s age at first sex, their tendencies to sleep with male friends, and their religious service attendance... and how these three things relate to the level of fidelity you can expect from them, on average. And in “How Many Partners Has Your Girlfriend Had? Find Out Here”, I highlight a study that finds a woman’s infidelity risk rises 7% for each additional sex partner she has.

Particularly if you want a long-term relationship with a girl, there’s a good chance you want to know the things she may not want you to. But how do you find these things out, without her lying to you or spiraling into auto-rejection?

It takes time to be sexy. Yet while you’re working on it, there’s no reason for you to go dateless in the meantime.

Writing on the Girls Chase boards, a member by the name GottaChange says:

“From what I’ve seen around the only men who manage to consistently bed women using a normal “person-to-person” frame are men who are particularly good-looking according to society’s modern criteria. It is as if their looks takes care of the attraction for them and they can just worry about having a normal interaction and move things towards sex.

All the other guys (the average-looking ones) being successful with women are, from what I have seen, those who are able to arouse women by projecting masculinity and sexuality and be consistent with it during the whole interaction. They aren’t faking it, they ARE like that.

I know for some of you this is easy if not natural, but for me this is very very hard. I can open girls using a friendly/warm/playful vibe but this doesn’t lead me anywhere. We keep bantering until she either sees me as a new friend or she loses interest and goes away.

Yeah, rarely I have had women becoming sexually interested in me even if I was just being normal and friendly, but it’s not something I can rely on regularly like I see good-looking guys do. I need to structurally change something about myself, and that’s why I chose this nickname.”

So, this is not going to be an article on how to be sexy. We already have a bunch of those – here’s a few, for starters:

• How to Be a Sexy Man
• Constructing Your Sexy Vibe (and Making Girls Go Nuts)
• Sexual Tension: 7 Ways to Make Women Excited and Randy
• Darius’s Sexy Man’s Grooming Guide Series
  
• Alek’s Sexual Tension Series
  

Rather, this will be an article on patching things together in the short-term, before your sexy self has emerged from the sexpot chrysalis.

We touched on the lack-of-sexiness problem yesterday a bit in my massive troubleshoot post “What to Do When Your Approach Just Isn’t Working.” However, I want to give it its own treatment in article form. Partly so you don’t have to read 12,000 words to find the one paragraph that talks about it. But also because it needs highlighting – what you don’t highlight often goes unnoticed.

One of the points we harp on a lot on Girls Chase is the value of being sexy. When you are sexy, girls become... pretty straightforward. You have clear sexual value on offer that appeals to women:

• Women who’d like a boyfriend like you appreciate it

• Women who’d like a friend like you appreciate it too

• And women in need of sexual release really appreciate it

Most men appreciate sexual value too. They tend to view it as ‘charismatic’ or ‘cool’. Being sexy is a boon all around.

There’s just one problem. It takes time to develop that sexy vibe if you don’t have it yet. I think it took me eight or nine months to get mine to the point where I saw noticeable changes in how women received me. So what are you supposed to do in the meantime? Scratch days off your calendar and watch the seasons pass?

Obviously, that’s not so desirable.

Instead, you’re going to have to find some other ways to make girls want to do things with you.

The 5-second kiss lets you kiss her as soon as you meet her. It’s fun, it’s quick, and it starts things off with a bang (or a smooch).

This is a fairly niche tactic. But it’s still worth knowing (and still fun).

The way the 5-second kiss works is this: you see a girl, beckon her over or pull her over to you, draw her in, and kiss her. And you do so in about five seconds.

You can use this in bars and nightclubs, on the street during the day, or anywhere. Here’s the catch: it only works on girls who are ‘in the mood’ for it, and it only works when you are ‘in the mood’.

The reason you’d do this is for a fun start to an interaction, to break up an otherwise monotonous outing for yourself, or just to feel more ‘alive’ when you’re out at the bar (or wherever). Also, if you’ve never done this, it’s worth doing once, due to the limitation-shattering it provides.

This is not necessarily something you will do to raise your odds of success with the girl in particular you use it with. Though it can sometimes lead to a hookup.

Instead, this is something you use for the pleasure of it, the momentum of it, or to let yourself see what you can do.