Tactics Tuesdays

You’re talking to a girl and she says “I’m boring” or “I don’t date.” That’s the kiss of death, right? Well, not so long as you can get her to PROVE IT!

When you talk to a girl and she starts throwing out claims about herself, these can seem like real obstacles if they don’t cooperate with the overall seduction.

Anti-seductive claims include women saying things like:

• “I’m boring”
• “I’m not adventurous”
• “I’m not spontaneous”
• “I don’t like excitement”
• “I don’t think about sex”
• “I don’t really date”

… and so on. Running into these can feel like a conversation death sentence if you don’t have a good response to reframe with.

After all, what hope is there really for a boring girl… a girl who doesn’t like excitement… a girl who doesn’t think about sex or go out on dates? None, right?

Au contraire, for in this article I’ll give you a simple little tactic you can use to turn these claims women make right on their head.

With this in-hand, instead of looking at women’s anti-seductive claims as if they are agile seduction killers, you will start to view women’s claims as clumsy fumbles that have led them right into your web.

The ball-in-her-court text can be very effective at getting flaky girls onto dates. It’s also easy to misuse, however… and even sabotage your attractiveness with.

Recently on the forum we had a relatively new member claiming the ball-in-her-court text “doesn’t work” for him, and that women can “see through it” and it harms the man’s frame.

In case you’re unfamiliar with the ball-in-her-court text (which I’ll refer to as the BIHC text from here on out, to save me writing “ball-in-her-court text” fifty times), it’s this:

A text you send a woman after you have tried to get her out on dates repeatedly and repeatedly had her decline or flake on them. The text tells her (in an eloquent way) that you will chase her no more; it also says, however, that if she decides she’d like to get serious about going out sometime, to send you a message. After that, you simply forget all about her and do not contact her again ever unless/until you hear again from her.

As soon as I saw a guy saying women could “see through” the text I knew he must be using it wrong. There is no “seeing through it” to do (if used properly): you are explicitly telling a woman exactly what the situation is and exactly what to do!

It’s what makes the text so effective… in my experience it gets around a 50% text-back rate 2-8 weeks after you send it… I have heard from many of the other guys in our community who’ve used it their reply-back rate is similar.

Yet, newer guys often struggle with this message and, like that newer member on the forum, report that women simply vanish after they BIHC text them and do not return.

So let’s talk about the “who” and “when” of BIHC texting – because it’s clearly not for everyone, in every situation.

Even if making friends is easy, getting close to them is not. How do you build deep, lasting friendships? The secret is trust… which takes time; and also technique.

Men who end up reading Girls Chase often seek improvement socially beyond just dating. They also want better and stronger friendships, broader social circles, and superior social skills across the board.

I’ve fielded a lot of questions over the years about how to deepen friendships. Often guys may make new friends, but observe that their new friends have deeper friendships with others than they do with them.

Part of the answer to this is “time” – spending enough time around and interacting with someone is a necessary step to building a  lasting and deep relationship.

Another part of the answer though is “quality experiences” – i.e., not just hanging around eating Cheetos together watching the football game, but actually doing things or connecting over things that further the friendship bond.

Today I’m going to introduce you to several types of ‘friendship strengtheners’. Most of these will work to deepen your relationships with women as well. You won’t normally need them for a run-of-the-mill seduction… however, if you have a girl who’s a particularly tough case, or whom you’ve screwed up and need to recover with… or if you have a girl you’re already seeing, but you want a much stronger, deeper relationship with her… then these can work great.

We’ll start with activity-based friendship strengtheners, which are the more robust kind, but less convenient to use. Then we’ll talk about verbal friendship strengtheners, which are more flexible to use, but require the relationship already be at a certain point (which we’ll discuss, not to worry).

If you like to tease girls, you’ll like this one: teasing her by implying you want to get rid of her or get her away. Not only can this be a fun, playful tease – it is also a chase frame.

I was reminded to write a post on a favored form of teasing by a recent report on our forum.

In it, the thread starter (Fluxcapacitor) relentlessly teases the girl he ultimately beds by implying that either:

1. He wants to get rid of her, or

2. He thinks she is a pariah in general

For example:

Girl: (eagerly) I'm going to Pub X!

Flux: Oh cool, I know to avoid there then.

Another:

Girl: Oh well it sucks to be you! (playfully with a giggle)

Flux: It actually does! Then I come out here and bump into you! It just gets worse!

And another:

Girl: I know, I know. But this is where the cool people come.

Flux: I'm surprised they let you in (playful look)

Here's one more:

Girl: It sucks to be you.

Flux: It actually does, and now I've just spent all night with you, how bad is that?!

As a guy who enjoys giving girls a good ribbing, this kind of teasing is one I quite like too.

Today, we're going to take a quick look at how this "get rid of her" / "she's a pariah" teasing works.

What happens when a girl starts talking to you but you aren’t ready to talk? There must be a way to NOT blow this… well there is: with 3-step “chitchat jujutsu.”

You’ve probably had this happen:

You went out somewhere, just in your head, not in much of a social mood.

Some girl then appeared out of nowhere, trying to get your attention, smiling, tapping you, telling you, “Hey!”

And you, stuck in your head, responded with a stiff, stilted, “Oh, hey. What’s going on?”

She said, “Not much! How about you?”

You stumbled through a few more awkward phrases. You could tell she liked you and wanted to see if she could get something going with you, but you were just too out of it.

Then the moment passed. She realized you weren’t going to do much of anything. So she left.

Damn, another layup missed, you think.

There must be a way to snap yourself to attention and shift into gear when unexpected “gimmes” like this fall into your lap – right?

[When girls like you TOO much, it can be just as bad for a seduction as when they don’t like you enough. What can you do? Mix a little ‘jerk’ into things to fix the vibe.

Here’s something for our advanced players and up.

Once you are GOOD with girls, you will start finding yourself not uncommonly in situations where women like you too much. If you are an advanced player, you already know why this is bad.

(if you’re not an advanced seducer, you can read this article for educational purposes, though it might sound rather alien to you. Trying the materials from it may lead to calibration errors for you at this point now, too. Circle back around to it once you’ve leveled up; you’ll find it more useful, I promise)

When girls like you TOO much, they start envisioning a future with you, hit the brakes, and get nervous they’re going to screw it up with you if they let you move things too fast. This can completely sink your seductions.

We’ve talked about this a lot on Girls Chase when discussing the boyfriend zone and making it clear to women you’re NOT boyfriend material.

In this article we’ll go one further: not just not being boyfriend material, but actually calibrating your attainability to make sure the women you talk to don’t like you TOO much.

We’ll do that by using a range of tactics that, taken together, we can politely call “jerking.”

Your behavior with a woman sets expectations for the relationship that is to come. Erratic behavior works against you. But consistent behavior makes things smooth.

We’ve talked on Girls Chase before about setting semi-explicit relationship expectations.