Tactics Tuesdays

Self-monitoring allows you to adapt yourself to the people around you. It’s a good thing… but too much of it can really cramp your style (and the naturalness of your interactions).

If you've gone through my charisma course, Charisma In A Bottle (which, incidentally, I'll be re-releasing soon), you're familiar with the concept of 'self-monitoring'.

A self-monitor is someone who keeps a mental eye on himself, observing his own actions, making sure he is acting in 'correct' ways and not screwing things up.

Charismatic people are high self-monitors. While they might seem to be the most casual, relaxed folks out there, they are in fact carefully monitoring and adjusting their social presentation.

Dating is another area that turns men into high self-monitors. You go out to approach girls and you focus relentlessly on:

• How nervous vs. confident you seem
• Whether you approach from the right angle
• If you're delivering an opener she'll respond to
• If you're getting enough compliance from her fast enough
• Whether you've moved her soon enough
• Whether you're dominant enough
• Whether you're bantering enough
• What your value is relative to hers
• What your attainability is relative to hers

... plus a whole bunch of other things you are doing or that are about you.

And while this is useful for spotting your weak points and improving on what you want to improve at, it hobbles your ability to truly be in-the-moment with a girl and interact with her in a truly smooth, natural way.

Thus, some of the time, you are going to want to do things the opposite way, and turn your self-monitoring way down.

Give a girl a way to recall her attraction to you with an “attraction anchor.” Attraction anchors are things you do or get a woman to do that she’s likely to remember later.

Have you ever approached a girl, who was clearly attracted to you, done everything right with her, left her smiling, had her contact info in-hand as you did so, and then... never heard from her again?

Sure you have. It's the pox of every even halfway active dater.

It can send you into a tailspin trying to figure out what went wrong. Everything seemed perfect. You executed the approach perfect. The girl responded to you perfectly in every way.

So why did she vanish once you left, and never respond to your texts, voice/video messages, or calls again?

The answer is because attraction has an expiration date, and if you fail to make a strong enough impression, that expiration date may often be "as soon as you leave her side."

What can you do to prevent attraction expiring while you're away from her?

Anchor her attraction to things likely to stick in her mind.

How do you approach a girl whose head is big over all the compliments she’s been fending off? By disqualifying her looks… and getting her to tell you what else she has going on instead.

Today we're going to talk about an old Mystery technique from back in the day.

Perhaps we should call it "Throwbacks Tuesdays" instead of "Tactics Tuesdays"!

The technique in question is the looks-disqualifying screen. You use it on hot girls who know they're hot in situations where men fawn over their looks. The point: remove a woman's sense of looks-based self-importance and cause her to qualify herself to you on qualities of hers not so readily on display.

The standard line for this is, "You're cute, but what else you do you have going on for you?" said in a way as if you're a bit bored with the fact that she "is cute" and are half-interested to know if there's anything more to her than appearance.

This tactic is deadly in certain situations. It's very well optimized for scenarios where women have big heads (and thus, high walls) due to confidence in their appearances.

That said, in other situations, it's unnecessary, and possibly tone-deaf, so let's look at when to use it before we dive into the details on how to apply it.

Environment has an outsized impact on mood. The right environment can almost seduce a woman by itself. By transitioning venues well, you can enhance a seduction.

How do you get a woman to change her mood?

The easiest way is by putting her into the right environment. Then you get to kick back and let the environment do the work.

Men create (or attempt to create) seductive environments for women all the time:

• They dim the lights and put romantic music on at home

• They take girls places they hope will set the proper mood

• They switch from one venue to a more intimate one as things progress

Yet for all this awareness, a lot of guys have a blind spot a lot of the time to the influence of environment.

The environment you're in plays a BIG role on the mood of your woman.

The more seductive the environment, the less work you must do to maintain a seductive mood within her.

Thus, the better a job you do managing the environments you find yourself in with women, the more effective a seducer you will tend to be.

There are a variety of tools you can use to set sexual frames. But they aren’t all best used at all the same times in a seduction. Here’s which to use and when.

On one of my articles, Finegirl asks:

Chase could you deepen alek's article on sexual frames where he talks about the chase frame and the inefficiency of direct, etc? It would be nice. Clarify these things and bring more examples of great techniques

Yeah sure. Let me take you through what Alek is talking about and give you a bit of my own take.

Alek gives a great run-down on the various ways sexual frames may set (either you set them or she does).

He doesn't go in-depth into any of these, as that was not the point of the piece. Most of them we cover elsewhere.

However, per Finegirl's request, I'll cover the key tactics and how they're best used in my opinion a bit more in-depth here.

Spice up your sex life with a little bedroom role-playing. You might not realize it, but she’s got fantasies – and you can bring them to life with just a bit of imagination.

This is a pleasant tactic to spice up sex sessions with both short- and long-term lovers.

It's the bedroom equivalent of our more general seduction role-playing tactic (which you can use outside the bedroom as well).

It works because, well, women are naughty girls who enjoy a dirty man.

Odds are your woman conjures fantasies some of the time while you're railing her.

She may or may not have talked to you about this.

Not all women will. Many fear you'll judge them... or that they'll hurt your pride or make you jealous if they do.

But just like sometimes you might imagine the girl you're giving it to is actually some actress, porn star, or pretty female workmate of yours, or else some other more idealized fantasy woman from a scenario you've cooked up in your head, women do this too.

Rather than stick to your own private fantasies while she sticks to hers, you may opt to have your fantasies join forces... and behold the power of the joint bedroom role-play.

Women notice men singing/talking to themselves. You can use this as an effective ‘attention grab’ (i.e., way to get women signaling you) to make approaching a little easier.

Quick tactical tip today.

Sometimes I like to sing or talk quietly to myself as I walk down the sidewalk.

Or as I'm sitting somewhere in a café or bar or park or wherever else I might be.